Child Contact Help

superwoman_2

I am currently representing myself at court against my ex who is a nasty piece of work, and who is wanting contact with my kids. I have done everything myself, responding to solicitors letters, representing myself at court on a number of occasions, etc. He gets legal aid because hes in and out of work, I work full time and receive child tax credits for my childcare costs so am not enitiled. The systems are so unfair. I have only received £20 CSA, since Dec 2005.

The trouble is it is the final hearing on Tuesday after its been adjourned twice,( once coz he was locked up and it enfringed his human rights, then because a male magistrates called in sick leaving only women available).

Anyway last time we were at court I was told by the CAFCASS officer that I would be able to cross examine him and his solicitor would be able to do the same to me.

I am absolutely terrified. I dont want to have to face him and I am scared his solicitor will make me out to be a lier about the abuse or that he will make me out to be a bad mother.

Can anyone help, has anyone been through a final hearing or represented themselves?

Please advice as I am pooping my pants.

MXW

I have, both for matters to do with my children and financial matters. I was very nervous too, what I did was sit down and make a list of everything my ex had done and said (i kept a diary), then just before I went into court I read it so it was fresh in my mind. It may sound silly but it may be to your advantage to represent yourself, I found that I could get away with saying much more than a solicitor could, purely because there is a certain etiquette as to what a solicitor should and shouldn't say. The judge will make allowances for the fact that you are representing yourself (that was my experience anyway).
Good luck! I am back in court 06/6/07 and representing myself.

Anniek1969

Can't really offer any advice sorry, but my brother has just been through a similar thing with his ex. He's had their daughter since they split almost six years ago and his ex has rarely tried to see her.

My niece wants nothing to do with her and as she's now 14 the judge decided to appoint her a lawyer. At the hearing they were both there with their lawyers and the judge postponed the decision until my niece had spoken to her lawyer. He also interviewed my brother and his ex and the judge then decided to give her 3hrs every 2nd sunday for a few weeks and then review it. The first visit lasted 10mins after my niece told her she didn't want to see her.

As far as he said they didn't look at her history in court, she was a bad mother and has drink and gambling problems. None of this was brought up and the lawyer told him they don't look at the past they just try and decide at the time what would now be best for my niece.

MJMum

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rchddap1

Just want to wish you the best of luck. Remember that no matter what your ex & his solicitor throws at you that you are simply protecting your family. You know that you are not a liar and that you are not a bad mother. A good mother does her best to protect her family, which is exactly what you are doing.

Be honest, tell the truth, stick to the facts as you know them and the effects on yourself and your children....you can do no more. If you remain calm composed and come across a sensible reliable person...then if he tries to put pressure on you the court will see. You have to trust that they will notice this and will take the appropriate action.

Whilst you are asking him questions keep in your mind that it is your kids you are doing this for. He could give you 'that look' say things that obviously aren't true or start to get angry...don't worry about it, relax, and remember your purpose. Besides if he gets angry in court on the stand I wouldn't thought that it could be a good thing for him...

The court are there to decide what is the best thing for the children. Have faith that they will see that you are correct.

I know that I'd go to hell and back to protect my little one from anyone nasty / abusive.

thesaint

I am sorry, but I have more questions than answers.

You state that he wants contact with 'my' kids, are they his children as well?
If they are, I should use 'our' children when addressing the court.

What has the CAFCASS officer recommended?

The solicitor will question you very thoroughly regarding the abuse if it isn't proven and/or reported, as parents shout this in proceedings without any proof.

If you are questioned about your suitability as a mother, choose to tell the court your version of events, do not call the father a liar, simply tell your story without laying blame. Most points brought up will simply be differing parenting styles.

Do not bring up the CSA unless questioned, it has nothing to do with contact.

MXW

MJMum wrote: »

Are they not his kids too then?

That was helpful

jazzyjustlaw

superwoman wrote: »

I am currently representing myself at court against my ex who is a nasty piece of work, and who is wanting contact with my kids. I have done everything myself, responding to solicitors letters, representing myself at court on a number of occasions, etc. He gets legal aid because hes in and out of work, I work full time and receive child tax credits for my childcare costs so am not enitiled. The systems are so unfair. I have only received £20 CSA, since Dec 2005.

The trouble is it is the final hearing on Monday after its been adjourned twice,( once coz he was locked up and it enfringed his human rights, then because a male magistrates called in sick leaving only women available).

Anyway last time we were at court I was told by the CAFCASS officer that I would be able to cross examine him and his solicitor would be able to do the same to me.

I am absolutely terrified. I dont want to have to face him and I am scared his solicitor will make me out to be a lier about the abuse or that he will make me out to be a bad mother.

Can anyone help, has anyone been through a final hearing or represented themselves?

Please advice as I am pooping my pants.

I would get a Solicitor. Firstly you are inthe Family Proceedings Court which in my opinion is more difficult that the County Court.

Other than that just be honest. How old are your children. The CAFCASS Officer and the Court must take into account the Welfare Checklist when making any decisions about children. Look it up on google.

thesaint

jazzyjustlaw wrote: »

I would get a Solicitor. Firstly you are inthe Family Proceedings Court which in my opinion is more difficult that the County Court.

Other than that just be honest. How old are your children. The CAFCASS Officer and the Court must take into account the Welfare Checklist when making any decisions about children. Look it up on google.

Since the hearing is on Monday, it is probably too late to get a solicitor.

The 'Family court' is the easiest court system to deal with, the proceedings are a lot more relaxed than the others.

The CAFCASS officer would've submitted the report, and the OP would've had a copy of it already.

Mrsmilim

My heart goes out to you - been there done that and its not nice!! The best advice I can give is: hold fast to the truth no matter how hard it is. Keep to it - only deal in truth, no mud slinging - facts only. Don't worry the courts are well versed in this kind of thing - its the first time for you but not for them and they can spot the truth. As advised above - keep a diary of everything but be to the point.
I also was worried that the court would see me as a bad mother but was told that the only way they would take my kids from me would be if I was drug riddled, alcoholic, abusive, neglective, prostitute who was about to die in the next week and even then it would be a 50/50 chance!! Never forget - you are their mother, you are the one who is there for them when they wake up in the night and are sick. Yes, he is their father and he has a right to a relationship with them and they with him. If you keep them apart he will always be a mystery and they will build an illusion around him. If you let them get to know him they will truly see him for who he is - then there will be no mystery and no illusion - they will know the truth and make an informed decision about their relationship with him. You can't stop that - you just have to hope for what is best. You must also see clearly that the relationship that he has with the children is NOT the relationship he has with you.
As for the CSA thing - does his money really buy their love? It may make buying things easier - but hey - its fun being frugal - get creative, use freecycle, charity shops and the reduced to clear section - there's no shame in it - for a start its good for the environment!!!
And finally....at last!! lol......
It hurts, it bl***y hurts, sometimes more than you think you can deal with but you WILL get thru it and you will be all the stronger for it and so will your kids.
I send you a big hug and lots of kind and positive thoughts

MXW

Mrsmilim wrote: »

My heart goes out to you - been there done that and its not nice!! The best advice I can give is: hold fast to the truth no matter how hard it is. Keep to it - only deal in truth, no mud slinging - facts only. Don't worry the courts are well versed in this kind of thing - its the first time for you but not for them and they can spot the truth. As advised above - keep a diary of everything but be to the point.
I also was worried that the court would see me as a bad mother but was told that the only way they would take my kids from me would be if I was drug riddled, alcoholic, abusive, neglective, prostitute who was about to die in the next week and even then it would be a 50/50 chance!! Never forget - you are their mother, you are the one who is there for them when they wake up in the night and are sick. Yes, he is their father and he has a right to a relationship with them and they with him. If you keep them apart he will always be a mystery and they will build an illusion around him. If you let them get to know him they will truly see him for who he is - then there will be no mystery and no illusion - they will know the truth and make an informed decision about their relationship with him. You can't stop that - you just have to hope for what is best. You must also see clearly that the relationship that he has with the children is NOT the relationship he has with you.
As for the CSA thing - does his money really buy their love? It may make buying things easier - but hey - its fun being frugal - get creative, use freecycle, charity shops and the reduced to clear section - there's no shame in it - for a start its good for the environment!!!
And finally....at last!! lol......
It hurts, it bl***y hurts, sometimes more than you think you can deal with but you WILL get thru it and you will be all the stronger for it and so will your kids.
I send you a big hug and lots of kind and positive thoughts

I couldn't agree more! x