How to leave an impulsive OH you live with?

thegirlintheattic

You need to pull a disappearing act to some extent.

Set up a new e-mail account (if you use a shared computer use private browsing to do this so you don't leave a trail) and get a pay as you go SIM . Start looking for somewhere to rent. Once you are sorted with a place to live, choose a day he will not be in and take that day off work (or call in sick). If possible start moving small, unnoticeable things into your new house before. If not move all your stuff before he gets back. Take your important documents and mementos first, just incase he comes back. You should have all bank documents, car documents, cards, passport, DL etc. Leave a note when you leave saying you do not want any further contact then get rid of your old mobile number and e-mail address. Delete any social networking accounts and make sure your friends and co-workers understand you want no contact from him and do not want him to know where you live or how to contact you.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

This had better not be another creative writing exercise thread.


But there is good advice here. Let's hope it helps anyone in a dangerous situation.

minniemaus1970

@Mrs_Sparrow
Thanks, I am in a great place now, got a lovely partner and can spot a 'control freak' a mile away
as long as it helped one person then it was worth me writing it down
MM x

PS: something my partner (who was married to a controlling erratic bully for 17 yrs) said a few days ago while cuddling me: 'I love the fact that you enable me to be a good/ kind person!'
I said thats who u are and not who I am making you so he said some people can be very bad for one self and bring out the worst qualities in you.

themull1

He can't use you as an excuse to kill himself because he tried to do it before you met him. I agree with everyone else,, just leave, and leave a note. Good luck, its very scary. If you were my daughter, i would just want you home, job or no job, your life is much more important.

worriedmoneysaver

Thank you for all the advice everyone. I just wanted to come back and update as I know I like it when people do that.
I didn't stay home after the weekend with family, my Mum was having a really bad time (it was her parents that passed away recently) and I just couldn't tell her.
A few days after it all came to a head, there were more weapon type things in the house and he had a funny turn so as soon as he stormed out the house I locked him out and called the police. I left with them with a bin bag of stuff and after doing papework type things my Dad came to get me. The police have taken all his knives etc, they found him a few days later in a very bad state and took him to hospital. He is having psychiatric treatment, apparently he has a much bigger problem than we realised. I've heard this from the police so don't know many details, all I know is that he will have care workers visiting several times a day and a schedule and meal plan when he goes home. My Dad also suggested that the cancer he had treatment for last year (he is due a check up now) could have returned and be affecting him.
OH kept trying to call me for the first few days and sending texts asking why etc but I have yet to respond. I do feel guilty now I realise that some illness may have caused partly or fully his behaviour. I still have no interest in talking to or seeing him though, I feel so relieved now even though I'm commuting 4-5 hours a day to work!

~Chameleon~

At least you're alive & safe and your OH is hopefully receiving all the treatment he needs, no matter what the cause of this recent episode. Perhaps once you've had time to reflect, and he's undergone treatment you might feel able to contact him even if just to get closure. Good luck

Lexxi

Don't feel guilty! This has triggered something with the police or hospital to help treat your ex, this wouldn't have happened if you had kept trying to make excuses for him or blaming it on an illness and stayed.
I'm glad you're safe OP

sophlowe45

Glad you're out! Can't offer any advice better than the great advice already given on this thread.

Didn't realise you were London based when i started reading this thread a few minutes ago. Its really easy to find a room in a flatshare in London (to help with the 4-5 hours a day commuting).

January20

Just wanted to say thank you for the update. I had read your posts although not contributed to the thread and was wondering how you were doing. Glad to hear you are out of it and well.

mrs_sparrow

I wanted to thank you for letting us know how everything was.

I wanted to say that you should look on this as a more positive thing -0 the first that you have got out and you are safe, the 2nd being that your OH is getting the help he obviously needs. If you had not done what you did then who knows where he would be, so please do not feel guilty, you have done the right thing for you.

Check out a cheap hotel to help with the travelling issues if you cannot get a room - it'll probably be the same as petrol/train costs in the long run, you'd be best looking outside of London for that though.

Good luck.