How many kids are 'too many'?

ruthyjo

Lots of posters have responded along the lines of how many children they can afford to provide for, but I think this is only part of the story.

I have three children (11, 10 and 5). If another child came along we could afford to provide for it. We live in a big house, have a 7 seater car (and another big car) and our three are well provided for materially (and I hope emotionally). However for me it was never about keeping going until I ran out of money (or time).

I love my three children so much and love doing things with them, but I just don't want any more children. I enjoyed them being small, but have no desire to have another baby/toddler in the house. I have organised 26 kids birthday parties so far, sat through hundreds of children's performances, finger painted and play doughed for days and days. I've enjoyed (almost) every minute of it. However I'm 35 and I just don't want to keep doing that forever. Sometimes I even look forward to going on holiday with just OH, the day when I am not a taxi service to the three of them, being able to read a book on an evening rather than help with maths homework etc - you get the picture...

I'm still looking forward to sharing in all the important things in my childrens lives - DS1 starting senior school in September, the first under 11 cricket match of the season, DD making her first communion; all sorts of things coming big and small before they're grown up. I just don't need to see these things with any more chilren than I'm already going to!

Surely the reality for most people is that they just reach a point regardless of income, space etc where they've done their child rearing and want to enter a new phase in their life?

bunty109

DKLS wrote: »

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All I need to do is look at my mates face, He hasnt has a good nights sleep in 5 years :rotfl:

You assume it's the kids keeping him awake......maybe he's just getting more you-know-what than you

dora37

!!!!!! wrote: »

What you've described there is brilliant and your children sound like ones to be proud of but you don't state what sort of area you live in, when you bought your house etc - which all make a difference.

to explain, basically, if I had not gone back to work we would only have been able to afford a house in a shall we say, 'not so nice' area - it was during the boom and we just couldn't have afforded to live where we are now without my salary. With the nice area comes the good schools, the safer environment and so on.

I think you're quite right that your input into your children has helped shape them into who they are today, but living in a deprived area where schools are not so good etc etc can all have a negative effect on children...

I do appreciate that finance/housing etc is an important factor - however your previous post said it was impossible and I just wanted to say that it isn't impossible.

When we started off we lived in a 'not so nice area' and couldn't afford to move to the closer nicer areas so we moved further away (from South to North) so that my eldest child (then aged 4) could go to a nice school, this meant my OH finding a new job in a new area - the houses were cheaper, however still a nice area (North/South divide). The house we sold down south was in negative equity (1995), so when we moved up north we had to start all over again.with a £10,000 debt.

So though we now live in a nice-ish house in a nice-ish area, it hasn't been handed to us, it was through compromise and hard work that we have been able to bring up our children in the manner we wanted to - and are now reaping the rewards.

emmaroids

we have 2 kids in a 3 bedroom house so its just right imo

i think you can have as many kids as you like as long as you (or your partner) work to provide for them.

its these muppets who have more kids in order to get bigger council houses and more benefit that make me :mad:

elaine373

I have 7 children and wouldnt change a thing. My husband works very long hours to provide. I have a daughter at uni and another child (son aged 24) working full time.Another daughter is married with little ones of her own.The 4th child down is doing a btec in bussiness studies.Had someone told me Years ago that I would be a mother of 7 I would have been horrified as it sounds so many.My career has been my family although i do seem to have been doing this for a long time, as i had the eldest 4 children in 7 years, had an 8 year gap before having the youngest 3, aged 8,7,4.We have had Tax credits which have been a godsend. My husband and I dont drink, smoke or go out, which is our choice.I have brought my children up to be respectful to our neighbours, honest and to have a good working attitude.They are not perfect but i often get comments from my immediate neighbours on how well behaved they are .I hate the stigma and assumption that all large families are scroungers and rely on the state, This is not true.I just happened to meet my husband when i was 16 so had many years to have the large family I am blessed with today. It doesnt suit every-one and my advice is to have as many children as you can meet the needs of.(If you want them that is) I would also say that a happy/well mum makes happy children.However many you might have, if having one more has a negative effect on the family, then you shouldnt be having that next baby.Thats whether its your 2nd,3rd 4th etc.My opinion only.

nearlyrich

I am one of six we lived in a 3 bed house (one was a boxroom!) we didn't go on many holidays and we didn't have a lot of material things but we had a lot of love and support and we are all still speaking to each other LOL. I have 2 children one of my brothers has 3 another has 2 and my sister has 1, they are all close so although my two have only one sibling they have lots of cousins.

I think it is a decision that is up to the couple, but they should be prepared to work to support their children whether they have one or ten.

calleyw

azjh77 wrote: »

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I especially liked the bit about five people in a four bed house :eek: how can they live!

'Finding enough space for a family of five can be an expensive headache. The Rowntrees live in a four-bedroom house and mum Paula says: 'We discussed whether we should try to move to a bigger property, but we felt that by rearranging rooms we could get by.'

WOW these People are so hard done by. I mean I am one of 3 and the others where boys. And we where a family of 5 in a 3 bed house.

My husband is one of 4 boys and they where brought up in a 3 bed house and for many years the eldest was not allowed in the box room and they all had to
sleep in one room :eek:

I was watching a home improvement show the other day and they where aghast that a family of 5 only had one bathroom.

Umm think that of kinda of standard.

My answer is have as many children as you can afford in terms of monetary, emotionally and time wise.

Yours


Calley

buxtonrabbitgreen

I read the article thank you it was interesting. Yes people should be able to support their own children. I do think that expectations of what we/they need are much higher nowadays. I am from a large family 5 kids. We lacked for nothing (it seemed at the time) In hindsight my parents were preety well off. We lived in a large 5 bedroomed house, and only my 2 youngest sisters had to share. However we didn't have a lot of toys/ consumer goods, but then again neither did anyone else. I honestly don't remember pester power. And the hotel room business, well I didn't go abroad on holiday until I was 18 the year I left home. Our family holidays were either in a caravan or Butlins both of which we really enjoyed I have 5 children myself and at times it has been a struggle. Though I have never had a house full of kids as there are large gaps between them. They all have had realistic expectations about what they are likely to be bought. I have managed to send them on most of the school trips/ holidays etc. Most of our family holidays have been camping. We live in a 3 bedroom house which at times has been rather overcrowded, but with only 2 children at home we fit alright. In the article parents were concerned about having 3 kids in the back of the car, but at one time we had 3 kids and me in the back of the car cos the dog would only sit in the front seat. Still I see what they are getting at now with the new rules for car safety seats. I remember the 5 of us in my dad's Volvo, we always argued about who was going to sit in the back row with the tailgate open. Preety horrifiying now I guess. But fun at the time.

dlb

I have 4 children and i am a stay at home mum, my dh works full time on a low wage but loves his job.
Not all of us that have a large family do it just to get extra benifits, i get tax credits and child benifit.( i pay full everything rent council tax ect)
My 4 children are made up of my 2 kids from previous relationship and my nephew which me and my now husband adopted at 12 months old, and mine and my husband child. I also have a step son who we support from my husband previous relationship.
So at weekends we have 5 kids as we have my step son at the weekends.
All our kids get everything they need love,support,care ect.
Im not saying it is easy because it isnt always, but the kids dont miss out on anything, they have wonderful xmas and birthday gifts and most of all support from 2 loving parents. (none of my 3 boys real fathers have had any contact with them)
I dont want anymore children as i am happy with the children i have and my youngest is about to start school full time.
The main point im trying to make is if a child has love and support in everything they do, no number is too many. ( of cause you have to be able to afford to dress and feed them)

jo_b_2

I'm surprised how the majority of the replies have focused on the financial aspects ie: you should only have as many children as you can afford to support financially without resorting to benefits.

I would have expected more posters to mention the issue about having the time, patience and emotional support to offer each child as an individual. I know this is a 'money saving' site but parenthood is about so much more than money.

I think that you should limit the number of children that you have not only to those that you can provide for materially but also emotionally. Watching the '10 Kids and Counting' programme last week, I did feel for some of the children as I really can't see that they can get the level of individual attention that a child really deserves to have from a parent.

Personally, I'm expecting my second baby this Summer. If we could afford to, then I might perhaps have considered a third child but think that I would struggle to give a child enough individual consideration and support if I had any more than that. I'm not saying that other parents can't do so - just that I would struggle past that point. Obviously, having bigger age gaps does help but I think parents need to consider the quality of a child's parenting and childhood just as much as the financial considerations. Unfortunately, some parents do neither.