How many kids are 'too many'?

DKLS

azjh77 wrote: »

Just out of interest - does claiming child benefit/child tax credits make me 'benefit scum'? I have been called this before - but I think that was because I had 4 children with me and hubby was at home.

No it does not make you "benefit scum", I dont want the OPs post hijacking for the anti/overly sensitive benefit brigades benefit, It gets soo boring,
IMO I think there is a huge difference between claiming what you are entitled to, eg Family allowance and Tax Credits, and those people who choose to have the state bring up their children, We are very fortunate in this country to have a benefits agency, Many countries do not.

Hence IMO If you can afford em have em, If you cant dont ... get a cat

exil

I have to differ slightly. OK - don't have kids if you can't afford them - but I would also say it's not essential to have them, I know many couples who live a fulfilled life without them - and they are still together in most cases when couples who had kids have largely cracked up under the strain.

india

I agree people should have what they can afford. I'm about to have my second child and we've decided this is going to be our last child. At the moment we both work full-time but if we have anymore children we won't be able to afford to get on the property ladder or do the things we'd like to do in life.

We live in a 2 bed house so space would be tight.

DKLS

exil wrote: »

I have to differ slightly. OK - don't have kids if you can't afford them - but I would also say it's not essential to have them, I know many couples who live a fulfilled life without them - and they are still together in most cases when couples who had kids have largely cracked up under the strain.

Agree totally, I got some stick on here a while back, as I wanted the snip, dont want kids and never have. I was treated like an oddity, yet how many threads do i see on hear, "help my kid" "cant sleep" "ADHD & behaviour Problems", All of the parents in my office have seem to have neverending trouble with their kids, and I for one cant see any benefit in having them, they are not compulsary.

All I need to do is look at my mates face, He hasnt has a good nights sleep in 5 years :rotfl:

Proud to be a Jaffa :T

Lusignan

exil wrote: »

I have to differ slightly. OK - don't have kids if you can't afford them - but I would also say it's not essential to have them, I know many couples who live a fulfilled life without them - and they are still together in most cases when couples who had kids have largely cracked up under the strain.

Yep, DH has 2 kids from his first marriage and I never wanted any and made that clear from the start, so we chose not to have them even though we could have afforded them. To be honest, we socialise with only 1 couple in this country with children (they have 4, and 3 of them are autistic); the vast majority of our friends have chosen not to have kids as well. I love my childfree life; I've given it my best shot as a stepmum over the years, but I'm very glad indeed I've never had to do it fulltime. I'd much rather have cats.

dora37

!!!!!! wrote: »

Unfortunately, it isn't possible in this day and age to be able to stay at home with your children and at the same time build a future for them and/or give them everything they need. so for many people, if they WANT children, then the only way they can have them is to return to work.

It isn't impossible either!

We have 3 children (15,13 & 5) and with hard work and a little compromise, ie we had holidays when we could afford them and in the price bracket suitable to us at the time, we socialise at home, the children are always nicely dressed, however thanks to mainly George,Tesco & Matalan & Next, we have managed to bring them all up with me being at home.

DS1 is predicted excellent GSCE grades in the summer, and will then go on to do A levels and probably Uni, DS2 is well advanced in his reading age,is a member of NAGTY (Gifted and Talented) had a leading role in his school production, has clarinet and singing lessons and attends the local Youth Theatre, writes for our local paper and is a school councillor. DD is a young fun very bright little girl.

I strongly believe that they haven't turned out like this by accident - it is because we have balanced our lives so that we have the time to raise, teach and empower them.

So it is possible - just takes effort and compromise!

pamaris

We have 2 little ones and so far we can afford the kids just fine but not a house. Even if we had one child we could not afford a house. It boils down to me choosing to stay home with them I suppose. I'd rather have my kids than a house anyway. We'll get a house in a few years; and we'll be able to save for their education and take well planned holidays as well. They will never wear name brands unless they are on sale but I don't believe in name brands anyway. It just boils down to making the most of what you have and planning well.

cupid_s

Too many for me is two less than the number of bedrooms our house has at the time!

spoilt_BUT_appreciate_it

I am the eldest of seven siblings and that is TOO MANY

My parents had two cars but if we went to Cornwall Perransands we'd all squash in the estate car with the back seats down NOT EXACTLY SAFE (packed in like sardines) tell a lie my youngest brother wasn't born until I'd moved out at 17, I sooooo needed my own space, so eager to move out, completely impossible to revise for exams as we only had a 3 bed house, and I hated sharing a bedroom and promised never to let this happen to my own children, I only have the one child at the moment but I do have a 4 bedroom house...I'll stop at two children most likely due to the expense and wanting to provide comfortably for them, besides holidays abroad would become impossible I'd imagine! I definitely was the poor raggady girl through my school years and therfore was picked on like most children are I suppose in one way or another or at one stage or another... It's not just the materialistic side to consider .... the more children means less time devoted to the child on a one to one basis in my experience anyway... I ldo love my mum & dad don't mean to sound so ungrateful..

angelfire

dora37 wrote: »

It isn't impossible either!

We have 3 children (15,13 & 5) and with hard work and a little compromise, ie we had holidays when we could afford them and in the price bracket suitable to us at the time, we socialise at home, the children are always nicely dressed, however thanks to mainly George,Tesco & Matalan & Next, we have managed to bring them all up with me being at home.

DS1 is predicted excellent GSCE grades in the summer, and will then go on to do A levels and probably Uni, DS2 is well advanced in his reading age,is a member of NAGTY (Gifted and Talented) had a leading role in his school production, has clarinet and singing lessons and attends the local Youth Theatre, writes for our local paper and is a school councillor. DD is a young fun very bright little girl.

I strongly believe that they haven't turned out like this by accident - it is because we have balanced our lives so that we have the time to raise, teach and empower them.

So it is possible - just takes effort and compromise!

What you've described there is brilliant and your children sound like ones to be proud of but you don't state what sort of area you live in, when you bought your house etc - which all make a difference.

to explain, basically, if I had not gone back to work we would only have been able to afford a house in a shall we say, 'not so nice' area - it was during the boom and we just couldn't have afforded to live where we are now without my salary. With the nice area comes the good schools, the safer environment and so on.

I think you're quite right that your input into your children has helped shape them into who they are today, but living in a deprived area where schools are not so good etc etc can all have a negative effect on children...