How many kids are 'too many'?

lab-lover

How about this situation. Also maybe slightly off topic but here goes.

Sister in law had a child to a married man she works with 11 years ago,he also has child with his wife. It was a planned pregnancy by all accounts. The wife has no idea (not sure thats true) but about ayear ago she has another child with this man. Now I had come to the conclusion of ah well these things sort of happen but when second child came along i just could not believe it.

SIL always wanted children but not a man in her life, is this a case of one or two too many? MIL take on situation is well at least they are with the same man!! I think this is unbelievable situation but it absolutely true.

DKLS

For me one would be too many, However if a family can feed, clothe and raise children with Love and Care, and not rely on the state to fund them (& no i dont mean Tax credits or family allowance, before the benefit brigade pounce on me)
I say go for it have as many as you can afford/manage.
My best mate comes from a family of 10, but his dad was a multi millionaire.

SoozieSoo

bunty109 wrote: »

I really feel for you. I think we were lucky in that we got on the housing ladder whilst it was still affordable and I got pregnant and pretty much lost my wage within a year of being married.

I do feel very lucky that we will be able to afford a mortgage when I am working. My sister can't afford to buy, even with 2 wages coming in and says there is no way they can afford to have kids. She is pushing 30, so I really feel for her.

I am sure there are many young couples like her across the UK.

kingshir

How many kids are 'too many'?

Any that you can't support without receiving benefits of some sort.

bella4uk

DKLS wrote: »

For me one would be too many, However if a family can feed, clothe and raise children with Love and Care, and not rely on the state to fund them (& no i dont mean Tax credits or family allowance, before the benefit brigade pounce on me)
I say go for it have as many as you can afford/manage.
My best mate comes from a family of 10, but his dad was a multi millionaire.

For some people with a large family they didn't intend to end up on benefits but are made to feel the like scum!!!!

Alikay

I think it's great that there are different sized families. Diversity in all aspects of life is what makes it interesting. Must be really weird living somewhere like China where everyone lives in an identikit family with one (usually male) child.

We have 3 children and have never needed to be on benefits (though it has been damned hard at times!), more would have been lovely, but we'd have been as concerned about lack of practical and emotional support as shortness of cash if we'd had more. No-one wants to babysit a large family!!

JennyW_2

N9eav wrote: »

I mean who else is going to visit you when you are old?

not a good enough reason to have kids plus some people have kids and end up very lonely - some relationships just done work. There are enough people in the world without having to depend on your children to "visit" you when you're old.

dianadors

My personal opinion is that you should be able to afford the kids that you have and have enough love to go around.

lush_walrus

Personally, one more than you can afford is too many.

apples1

Too many is when you start expecting other people to suport them/you.

There is one family at our school who have six children. School trip this week was £9 per child and letter from school stated that they were not allowed to ask for payment however unless parents were able to contribute then the trip would not go ahead (it was already being subsidised by PTA). Two children from this family were in classes going on the trip.

Parents did not return form or send money or call the school just told their kids they couldn't afford it and kids told teacher their Mum said they couldn't go. Kids were both upset about it understandably. Head mistress rang parents and said school would pay for these children to go which is I guess the right thing to do as it's not fair on those children as individuals to be left out.

At the end of the day its the other parents who are paying for these kids to go whilst their Mum & Dad spend their money on fags and football matches. The contribution that is asked for from parents takes into account that some parents will not pay.