Partner lying, defensive, what would you do?

Hiddenidenity

I've asked advice over here before and gathered OH had issues then. Sorry I'm back asking for more

Earlier this week I discovered he had been lying and had been back with is ex when he was telling me he was doing overtime. I confronted him and he didn't deny it and got angry he had feelings for her and I was stupid and should know that because she left him and he still wanted her, he'd still have feelings for her. He didnt deny anythign I asked him/accused him off

He basically said that if she asked him to come back he'd go running.

So I left, with no where to go but anyway he text saying to come back he wanted to talk, apologized etc saying he didn't mean it the way he'd said it and that he cared for her and she told him she was hurt and needed help and he said he had to go and couldn't ignore it, but nothing at all happened between them other than talking.

Now hes making out all the arguing was my fault for being over the top etc but I just don't know what to believe or do.

Was I wrong for being annoyed he lied? I don't think I believe that nothing happened his ex has said more happened .. if it was innocent why did he lie as to where he was?

Sorry I'm rambling I just don't know what to think or do, Im miles away from family/friends and have no one in RL to talk to ..

Lara44

Are you crazy? You're worth more than this. Do you really want to spend your time worrying if your partner really loves you? Better to move on and find truer happiness elsewhere.

londonsurrey

This is hard, but it's my honest opinion, and I want to save you heartache.

You're never going to get a proper answer from an immature person like him, who takes no responsibility for his actions (e.g. even this cheating is YOUR fault, not his - how stupid does that sound, when you read that out loud?)

He's going to do what he wants when he gets the opportunity, and isn't man enough to say "THIS is what I want" and stick to it. In a few years' time, if it's not his ex, it will probably be someone else that for some reason he will justify, it wasn't his fault that he couldn't say no to her.

Get a real man. Not a cheating little boy who throws strops, and wonders why mummy isn't making it all better for him.

Taadaa

No you were not wrong to be annoyed that he lied. He wants you to feel this way, has behaved in a way that has led you to believe that you are in the wrong, because he wants to have his cake and eat it.

Regardless of how he feels about his ex, regardless of the fact that he lied about it, he has now decided that this is your fault in some way and that is so far over the line it can't be seen anymore. He could have said sorry, he was being an idiot, and make it up to you. Instead he has chosen to make you feel like !!!! so you will come running back and he has made a note that next time he pays a little secret visit to your ex, he will make sure you don't find out.

You left? Honey, kick HIM out.

Tropez

Relationships won't work when one party is still hung up on their ex. That, frankly, should be the end of it. He hasn't moved on and you will always be second best. You should think of yourself as better than that.

FBaby

Can you really carry on with a relationship with him after he said that if she asked him back he would run? The fact that he lied about going there whatever the reason whatever he meant I personally couldn't be with someone who said such words always waiting for it to happen to see if he meant it or not.

HeatherintheHills

Hiddenidenity wrote: »

I've asked advice over here before and gathered OH had issues then. Sorry I'm back asking for more

Earlier this week I discovered he had been lying and had been back with is ex when he was telling me he was doing overtime. I confronted him and he didn't deny it and got angry he had feelings for her and I was stupid and should know that because she left him and he still wanted her, he'd still have feelings for her. He didnt deny anythign I asked him/accused him off

He basically said that if she asked him to come back he'd go running.

So I left, with no where to go but anyway he text saying to come back he wanted to talk, apologized etc saying he didn't mean it the way he'd said it and that he cared for her and she told him she was hurt and needed help and he said he had to go and couldn't ignore it, but nothing at all happened between them other than talking.

Now hes making out all the arguing was my fault for being over the top etc but I just don't know what to believe or do.

Was I wrong for being annoyed he lied? I don't think I believe that nothing happened his ex has said more happened .. if it was innocent why did he lie as to where he was?

Sorry I'm rambling I just don't know what to think or do, Im miles away from family/friends and have no one in RL to talk to ..

You are right to be annoyed and very upset. He isn't over her and had no business messing with your emotions when he knew how he felt about her. As for trying to blame you, words fail me!

What he said can never be unsaid, what good does he think saying he didn't mean it is? If he hadn't meant it he shouldn't have said something he must have known would cause great pain. From now on you are always going to wonder if you are still playing second fiddle to his ex. That isn't a relationship.

Focus your energy on getting yourself sorted with a new and better life. Let him wait for the summons that may or, most likely, may not come. In the mean time wave him goodbye and find someone worthy of your emotions.

skylight

I agree with everyone else.

You will never be No1 in this mans eyes and that is where you deserve to be. Not riddled with someone elses guilt or anything that makes you so unhappy.

Shovel_Lad

Why on earth would you want to be with someone who wants to be with someone else? :think:

mrcow

Hiddenidenity wrote: »

Now hes making out all the arguing was my fault for being over the top etc but I just don't know what to believe or do.

Why do you care what he's saying now or whether anything happened? It's irrelevent.

You've left him. Stay away. Why are you even talking to him? He's a useless waste of space. Hold you head up high and keep on walking! If he gets back in contact, tell him to get lost.

And get yourself checked out at the nearest STD clinic ASAP.

raven83

I'd walk away with my head held high and my dignity in tact. He is never going to change and it will never work with anyone else as he still has feelings for his ex. Save anymore heartache and get out of it.