Son not eating lunch

Laura82_2

I'm at the end of my tether. Before Christmas we found the majority of my son's packed lunches in a mouldy mess under his bed. Then at the start of June we found more stuffed down the side of his bed. His excuse was that he hadn't been hungry. Since then we have cut his lunches to a sandwich made from a single slice of bread, and an orange. Now he is coming home from school every day with the majority of his sandwich uneaten. We've sat him down to eat it immediately after school, which he does so it's not that he doesn't like it. He's been going to bed half an hour early every time he doesn't eat his sandwich, and needless to say we've got very angry with him.
Today I really thought he'd eat it all, but once again he's come home with it untouched, saying he wasn't hungry. I really don't know what to do. Can someone please help me.
I know it's the end of term on Friday, but the thought of two more uneaten lunches is driving me insane, we just can't afford to pay for him to have school dinners or we'd do that.He is 10 years old, so it's not like he's particularly young or anything. I just haven't got a clue what my next step should be, though I'm tempted to send him to school tomorrow with no lunch at all to show him what it really means to be hungry!
Please help me!!!

j.e.j.

can you ask the school to keep an eye on him, say you're concerned he's not eating during the day?

Gigglepig

Is his weight normal?
Do you think this may be due to body issues? (If so, speak to the GP?)

Does the lack of food create any other problems - make him less focused at school, or too tired for sports?

Has he expressed a preference for school lunches or other alternatives (home made pasta salads, fruit, cheese etc instead of sandwiches) ?

gingin_2

Does he make up for it food wise later? What is his weight like?

Do school let them out to play once they have finished food, is he skipping food so he can have more play time?

I would make him understand the importance of eating 3 meals a day, particularly if he is studying at school - but with 10 year old boys I can understand it might fall on deaf ears.

McKneff

Please stop being angry/punishing him for something he cant help, you are probably stressing him and compounding the problem.

I have an eating problem like this, someone being angry just doesnt help.

Sending him to school with no lunch wouldnt make any difference, he has told you he isnt hungry so he wouldnt be bothered.

See if asking him what he would like in his lunch box helps and get him to help make it up. Forget the sandwich, it may be that that he doesnt like. It may be warm by lunchtime, putting him off.What about asking him if he just wants a banana or some grapes, or a tangerine.
Oranges are far too fiddly to peel for little fingers.

Otherwise, maybe more posters could come up with some nice treats to take the place of sandwiches. I absolutely hate sandwiches that have been made for hours.
But, like I say, he really cant help it. He is not doing it on purpose.

Mojisola

Has he been hiding his lunches rather than telling you he doesn't want them because you react so badly over food?

Not everyone gets hungry according to the clock. If he doesn't want to eat at lunchtime but will have a snack when he comes home from school, what's the worry?

One of mine went through one winter taking one slice of bread and butter in his lunchbox. That's all he wanted. Anything else came home uneaten. He had a healthy snack as soon as he came in.

Unless he's losing weight, please don't make him neurotic over food.

KiKi

Hi OP

He either:
a) has a psychological / physical problem relating to food or
b) he doesn't like the food you give him or
b) is genuinely not hungry

What bothers me most is that your post is concerned about the waste and the fact you can't afford school dinners, and how it makes you angry, rather than whether or not your son's okay.

If he is okay and it's not a), then the answer's easy: give him something he'd like, or don't pack him a lunch at all - just a piece of fruit so if he doesn't eat it it doesn't matter.

The fact he's hidden his lunches says it's either a psychological eating problem, or he's so scared of telling you that he felt he had to hide it. Why are you so angry about it? If it's a psychological problem then punishing him won't help. If he's not hungry - again, why the punishment? He can't help not being hungry. Do you really want him to sit there and eat it just to make you feel better?!

Really, calm down. Stop the anger. Sit and talk to him and listen. REALLY listen. And depending on his other food habits, weight, health etc, I would take time to really consider if he has a problem with food - because if he doesn't you're on the way to creating one!!

KiKi

tyllwyd

Is it maybe an issue at school, that he doesn't like the lunch hall where he has to eat his sandwiches, or his friends rush him or bully him over the sandwiches?

moneypuddle

Are the school aware he's not eating? Can they be enlisted to help? Its a few years since I was at Primary but I'm pretty sure they kept a bit of an eye on what we ate.

Is he lethargic? Where does he get his energy from?

peachyprice

Wow, just wow.

Sorry OP, but it's outrageous that you are punishing a child for not being hungry, you are making him scared to tell you he's not hungry, you are putting the cost of food before his needs. You're well on your way to creating an eating disorder in your son.

Instead of getting angry with him and punishing him take time to get to the bottom of WHY he's not eating his packed lunch.

Is he still full from breakfast?
Does he not like what you're giving him?
Are his friends all giving him bits of their school dinners?
Does the lunch hall put him off eating?
Is he too busy playing to take time to eat?

These are the sort of questions you should be asking your son. Until you know the answers you can't possibly find a way to make him want to eat at lunchtime.

Welshwoofs

It seems to me that if his weight is normal then the worst thing that you could do is blow up him not eating his lunch into a massive issue. The fact that he's now hiding his uneaten lunches says to me that he's worried about your reaction.

As long as his health is ok, skipping lunch is not a big deal. Different people have different 'body clocks' and there's no point forcing anyone to eat something if they're not hungry.

I'd agree with what's been said up the thread - ask him if he'd prefer something different in his lunchbox and if he doesn't say anything then I'd pack him off with things that won't waste if he doesn't eat them - some fruit, a granola bar or something.

Definitely lower the stress of the situation - making a huge deal out of it is only likely to make the situation worse