Advice needed

fionamay41

Looking for advice regarding access and and my 4 yr old granddaughter.
Long story made short, daughter split wit abusive partner with gd was 1yr old. Ex partner moved away, still has access visits every fortnight,ex partner has new girlfriend. Granddaughter gets very distressed when father turns up to collect her , screaming crying hysterically clinging to people door frames radiators, trying to hide, saying daddy go away don,t want to go with you. Childs father does nothing to pacify the child just picks her takes her to the car and drives off. Very distressing for all involved.
Father in working during the olympics so will not see her for 3/4 weeks but is insisting through solicitors letters that she must spend time with his extended family in stafford, when he is away working.this includes spending time with the girlfriends family who have no links to her whatsoever. Where do we stand if we refuse to let her go? Secondly he also wants her for 3 weeks at the end of the summer, we feel this is far too long for a 4 yr old to be away from her mother. Are we being selfish? The child also has a hospital appt she must attend towards the end of august, the father has indicated that she will have to miss the appt. We are finding it really upsetting every fortnight handing over a distraught child. Hope someone has advice, feel free to ask questions if my post is a little confusing. Thanks

Seanymph

It sounds dreadful.

Has your daughter had any legal advice.

fionamay41

Initially when they first split-up legal advice sought, contact agreed as every other weekend and some of the holidays. This worked well for a short period of time, before his bullying demanding tactics started again. The child also has to travel 150 mile to his home, it's not like we can go and collect her . Further legal advice booked for 1st aug (solicitor on holiday)

sharkeybabe

What a horrible situation for both the wee girl and her mum. As a mum myself I would be refusing access completely until you all got down to the bottom of why your GD is so distraught at the prospect of going to her dads. Has anyone sat down with you gd to find out why she doesnt want to go? could it be seperation anxiety with her or is there some other reason why? bottom line is that needs to be found out asap especially if your daughters ex has a abusive past.
I hope it all works out well for all involved, sorry that I couldnt offer anymore practical advise. x

fionamay41

On asking gd why she doesn,t want to go she does state daddy pushes food in my mouth, daddy smacks me. We know he is of the opinion children should be seen and not heard. He is 10yrs older than my daughter very clever, very plausible and devious ( his own step mother described him as damaged goods) spoke with social services and health visitor regarding gd allegations nothing they are willing to do at present. How difficult
is it to stop a father seeing his child, bear in mind he has threatened to have my daughter arrested for kidnap if she does not hand gd over!!

Mojisola

fionamay41 wrote: »

How difficult is it to stop a father seeing his child, bear in mind he has threatened to have my daughter arrested for kidnap if she does not hand gd over!!

She needed worry about that. The Parent with Care can't be arrested for kidnapping.

Can you imagine the police being called and your GD hiding and screaming "Don't take me Daddy. Daddy hits me!"? Just who are the police going to start questioning?

Have you filmed your GD's reaction to her father and shown this to the SS?

Mrs_Imp

I once helped on a school trip. My job to begin with was to get a 4 year old boy on to the bus. His Mum told me to get him on the bus no matter what happened, because he'd have a lovely day. Two of us had to manhandle him on to the bus, including peeling his hands away from the door as he grabbed for anything he could reach. I sat next to him to stop him running back off the bus. You should've seen the tears and heard the wailing. His Mum smiled and waved at him from the window, as she knew that if she looked upset, it'd make him worse.

As soon as the bus set off, he shut up, he had a wonderful day and didn't want to go home at the end. Not a tear was shed once we'd left his Mum.

This may (or may not) be the case with your granddaughter. It may be that as soon as they're in the car and have set off, the tears stop and she has fun.

You need to avoid jumping to conclusions at this stage and try to find out whether she is genuinely upset at being with her Dad, or just gets worked up about the thought of leaving Mum, and is fine once they've left.

balletshoes

when your daughter sees the solicitor, thats the time to put forward any objections she has, and the reasons for those objections, to your GDs father's requests for over the Summer. She has to keep calm and stay calm. In the meantime, she shouldn't get drawn into any discussions with her ex regarding his requests, let the solicitor do that.

I just wanted to mention though - if Social Work etc is not prepared to take any action regarding access or issues with your GD when she's with her Dad, I doubt the court will change the regular access.

My niece has visitation with her Mum every 3 weekends or so, and she kicks off big time either before she goes, or when she gets back (she's nearly 4). Access is not going to change because she does this.

fionamay41

My daughter doesn't have a residency order in place although gd spends 95% of time with her mum

fionamay41

We have thought of filming her reaction but not sure if it would be of any help. In response ot her being happy once the car has pulled off we have our reservations, when she comes back it would appear she can't waittoget away from her father, ie shutting the door in his face!

alwaysonthego_2

My ex was very abusive when I dropped the kids off and would scream at me in the street. At one point he tried to get into my car, I was very scared and stopped the access and got a solicitor involved. 14 months later he hasn't bothered to try and see the kids despite initially claiming he was devastated.