How do you feel happy in yourself?

figaro36

It's something I've never managed to do, even though in theory I 'should' be very happy and to an extent I am, but not quite happy enough in myself.

I worry too much about what people think, and about whether they like me or not. I also think quite negatively about people and get irritated easily, yet at the same time I want people to like me

I just want to do my own thing and not worry about others but I just can't.

Errata

My granny always said there's no such word as can't, it's won't.

raven83

figaro36 wrote: »

It's something I've never managed to do, even though in theory I 'should' be very happy and to an extent I am, but not quite happy enough in myself.

I worry too much about what people think, and about whether they like me or not. I also think quite negatively about people and get irritated easily, yet at the same time I want people to like me

I just want to do my own thing and not worry about others but I just can't.

I am a bit like you, i have lots to be happy about but there is still a part of me that isn't happy with me, and tbh i think i will always be like that, even if i had everything in the world i wanted.

balletshoes

figaro36 wrote: »

It's something I've never managed to do, even though in theory I 'should' be very happy and to an extent I am, but not quite happy enough in myself.

I worry too much about what people think, and about whether they like me or not. I also think quite negatively about people and get irritated easily, yet at the same time I want people to like me

I just want to do my own thing and not worry about others but I just can't.

but why can't you? if you learn to not worry about what other people think (and thats something you can learn) then you might be happier in yourself, yes?

Ellejmorgan

I feel happy most of the time, I have all I ever wanted which is a family, my lovely children..

I have a disability and sometimes I hit a brick wall with the pain and feel like I can't take it any more, then the next day it's less bleak and I think it's alright I can do this..

I'm quite strong and i'm used to dealing with situations that have forced me to be, for example I was in care and had to fend for myself since 16..

I feel content with my homelife, my children keep me going, I have a stable home..

I know it sounds corny but life is too short not to do what makes you happy, at 23, I very nearly popped off and have always felt since that this is a bonus time, hard to explain but I always now refuse to waste it..

bright_side

Oh figaro, I so wish I knew how to answer your question!! There's a couple of people I'm close to that I would love to be able to tell HOW to just be themselves and not to worry about what others think!! Trouble is, it's something you have to somehow find within yourself and I personally believe it's about accepting yourself warts and all - loving yourself (and not in a big headed way!). Often when we think negatively about someone it's because they appear to have a quality that we ourselves lack and the irritation we feel is actually about us and not them. Obviously that's not always the case, some people are just genuinely irritating

I look back at how I was up until about 3 years ago and I hardly recognise myself. I was so self concious, always worrying about saying the wrong thing and whether people liked me. If I went out to parties, I wouldn't get up and dance even though I really wanted to, for fear of people looking at me etc.
Then one day, I realised I just didn't care anymore and I really don't know how/why/when the transition occurred! But I know now that this is my life and as long as I'm not hurting anyone, I can do and say whatever I like and if anyone has a problem with it......it's actually their problem not mine!! I do my best to be a nice person and if that's not good enough then so be it.

I'm just a bit gutted that it's taken me so long to get to this point......all those wasted years spent worrying about what others think, when at the end of the day it's what I think/feel that's important.

I hope you get there too. Self esteem plays a massive part I'm sure xx

Seanymph

I think we HAVE to be dissatisfied...

Otherwise how would anyone ever develop anything, or create anything, or have ambition?

So we are programmed to question, and want more, and be unhappy where we are....... to drive us.

What you are talking about is where it goes a bit wrong, or isn't directed in the right place.

I don't know how you put it back at motivating you to do something effective with it, but I hold onto the fact that it's normal to be driven through dissatisfaction.

FBaby

Seanymph wrote: »

I think we HAVE to be dissatisfied...

Otherwise how would anyone ever develop anything, or create anything, or have ambition?

So we are programmed to question, and want more, and be unhappy where we are....... to drive us.

What you are talking about is where it goes a bit wrong, or isn't directed in the right place.

I don't know how you put it back at motivating you to do something effective with it, but I hold onto the fact that it's normal to be driven through dissatisfaction.

I totally agree with this unfortunately it is being used and more for self pity rather than an angst to bring on change and with it progress.

Bitsy_Beans

I am by no means an expert but over the last couple of years I have managed to change my glass half empty perspective by changing my patterns of thinking.
To me this is part and parcel of finding peace and contentment with my day to day life.
Mindfulness. Be present in the moment rather than letting your thoughts race away. Concentrate on the sounds and sensations of what you're doing at that particular moment. Even if it's just making a cup of tea, feel the smoothness of the mug, the sound of the spoon on the sides of the cup etc. sounds really daft but in essence this is how kids are, they live in the moment, focus soley on the thing they are going at that moment in time.

Positive thinkng. I don't mean slapping a happy smile on your face 24/7 but I try looking for the positive in any given situation. I was the classics "worst case scenario" type of person. Something happened and I decided to look for the positive instead. Has massively improved my outlook. That's not to say I don't have my moments, I do but I let them happen and then pick myself up again and move on.

As for not worrying about what other people think..........if you really realised that people don't devote hours to thinking about YOU it might not worry you so much. I find lots of people are wrapped up in thinking about themselves to be overly bothered about thinking about you. Google self esteem tips, lots of info out there.......bottom line it you have to relearn to think a different way. Takes effort, there is no magic pill but it can be done. My own self esteem is a work in progress but I am getting there

j.e.j.

figaro36 wrote: »

It's something I've never managed to do, even though in theory I 'should' be very happy and to an extent I am, but not quite happy enough in myself.

I worry too much about what people think, and about whether they like me or not. I also think quite negatively about people and get irritated easily, yet at the same time I want people to like me

I just want to do my own thing and not worry about others but I just can't.

I wish I had the answers to this.

I think there's happiness as in contentment and feeling secure, not wanting more, and there's happiness as in this thing/person/whatever will make me happy.

Are you perhaps trying to get rid of an inner voice which is constantly criticizing and wanting you to be perfect? If you're getting very irritated very easily there could be a number of causes, from not enough iron in your diet, to mild depression, to.. no apparent reason at all

It's interesting to read people's responses to this, as I think it's something most if not all of us suffer at some time in our lives.

Jei70

So, you don't like other people, but want them to like you?

Maybe if you tried to see the best in others, to find something likeable or worthy of respect in them, it will help you realise that you are too likeable and worthy of respect!

In my experience, it really is that simple...