On the Edge with Debts

elvis2003

amyloofoo wrote: »

Not a very constructive comment? The OP clearly realises he needs help with his gambling as he's posting on here and owning up to it. I'm also concerned about the amount of money he's spent this week, especially the attitude that he may be able to 'win' back the money for friends and family - but signposting the OP to places he can get support is probably more helpful that labelling him as a 'fool'.

OP, please seek help for your gambling addiction. Until this is under control you will never be able to get on top of your finances and your relationships with your partner and family will continue to suffer. Please stop accepting money from anyone else, whether this is from a family member or from a loan, as this will just go on gambling and will make your situation worse rather than better. Gambler's Anonymous and Gamcare should both be able to help - and if you gamble online then please contact all of the sites, inform them of your problem and ask to be excluded from gambling across their networks.

In terms of the financial problems, I agree with the poster who asked you to complete an SOA - this will enable posters to give you specific advice on your situation. A template can be found in the 'sticky' newbie thread at the top of this board. You also need to make sure that your partner and family are fully aware of the situation, whilst they may be upset or angry in the short term, in the long term they may be able to help you and could take over managing your accounts for a while.

It could be helpful for you to contact the CCCS or another debt management charity to see if a DMP may be suitable for your situation. If you decide to manage this yourself then please contact your lenders and outline your situation as they may be able to freeze interest / suspend charges / offer reduced payments or give other support (some lenders are better than others at this). I think that in your situation it would be a good idea if you did this in conjunction with your family and partner as this is a lot for you to manage alone, especially whilst you are trying to deal with an addiction.

In the very short term, if you feel that you are in crisis then please contact the Samaritans for support. Your post reads as though you are very manic and struggling at the moment. Please take a moment to realise that you have friends and family who love you and no situation is unmanageable. People may be disappointed with how you've managed things, but they still care for you and with the correct support and treatment you can recover from this addiction. However bad things are now, they will get better and you taking ownership of the situation is a critical first step to ensuring that things improve.

Sending you big hugs and best wishes. Please don't be put off by the people who just take the attitude of 'you've been silly and now have to deal with the consequences'; what you're suffering from is an addiction and it can be recovered from. Please complete an SOA as soon as possible and there are plenty of lovely people on here who will offer you advice and should be able to help. Times are dark now, but tomorrow is a new day.

Your post was really nice i appriciate it very much so.

I have told my Girlfriend that i have got my self into a lot of debut waisting money but managed to avoid the reason why (i no i should come clean, but i am just really scared about losing her ) and she is looking into asking her brother for a loan of 2.5k that will pay my friends and family as i really dont wont to tell them i have messed up a second time.. We together are looking into a Debut charity managment as you have suggested for all the other outstanding debut- my girlfirend will take control of my bank cards ect as i have told her i cant be trusted with them as i am really bad with money at present..
I have also found out were a local GA meeting takes place and will be going their...
This is really emotinal draining time and that facts have hit home i can't go on like this no more.
Thanks for caring and giving your support to me, I will fight this and i will straighten my life back out - one day at a time.

Brenster

Hi, sorry to hear your issues, alot of what you say relates to my past. I too started gambling at Uni when money was easy to get hold of (student loans, credit card, overdraft), although thankfully mine gambling was nether in casinos, but mainly on fruit machines, however it still took over my life and got me into aprox £8k of debt, and messed up my 1st attempt at university. I have managed to kerb the machines after failing uni, went back to uni, graduated and got my self a good job, once this happened i started visiting bookies at lunch (roulette machines) and after 3 years found myself in about £20k of debt. That was 4 years ago, I have reduced my gambling (although admittadly have had the odd relapse) and am currently £7.5k in debt, and I know if I dont gamble my debt will be gone by March 13.

Please please listen to someone with some experience of your position, chasing money only leads to more debt, after reading your posts I honestly think the worst thing that could happen to you is for you to win the £3500 you need, as next week you will be chasing even bigger money, that is the theory behind gambling, and until you realise the only winner in the long run is the bookie, then you will always be in debt.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it has been a long hard slog. The £800 you have lost in the past 2 days will just extend the pay back period ! The problem with that £800, is it was never your money, and therefore you gamble it with no thought of how it was earned (because it wasnt), imagine what that £800 is worth, your tv, bed, fridge, freezer, cooker, and imagine they all dissapeared from your house, that is the true value of your loss.

Wishing you the best of luck, but only you can do this, but before you do anything you need to accept your debt and stop chasing, then my tips are as follows;

1. speak to your gf and family
2. register with a DMP to freeze interest.
3. Let your gf take control of your money giving you a spending allowance after bills every week.
4. Register for Gamblers Annonymous
5. keep yourself occupied, sport, gym, diy etc
6. limit the time you spend by yourself, and when you are by yourself (for example at work during lunch, make sure you do not have access to money via your credit / debit cards.)

Good Luck

ajbell

Debt not debut.

elvis2003

Brenster wrote: »

Hi, sorry to hear your issues, alot of what you say relates to my past. I too started gambling at Uni when money was easy to get hold of (student loans, credit card, overdraft), although thankfully mine gambling was nether in casinos, but mainly on fruit machines, however it still took over my life and got me into aprox £8k of debt, and messed up my 1st attempt at university. I have managed to kerb the machines after failing uni, went back to uni, graduated and got my self a good job, once this happened i started visiting bookies at lunch (roulette machines) and after 3 years found myself in about £20k of debt. That was 4 years ago, I have reduced my gambling (although admittadly have had the odd relapse) and am currently £7.5k in debt, and I know if I dont gamble my debt will be gone by March 13.

Please please listen to someone with some experience of your position, chasing money only leads to more debt, after reading your posts I honestly think the worst thing that could happen to you is for you to win the £3500 you need, as next week you will be chasing even bigger money, that is the theory behind gambling, and until you realise the only winner in the long run is the bookie, then you will always be in debt.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it has been a long hard slog. The £800 you have lost in the past 2 days will just extend the pay back period ! The problem with that £800, is it was never your money, and therefore you gamble it with no thought of how it was earned (because it wasnt), imagine what that £800 is worth, your tv, bed, fridge, freezer, cooker, and imagine they all dissapeared from your house, that is the true value of your loss.

Wishing you the best of luck, but only you can do this, but before you do anything you need to accept your debt and stop chasing, then my tips are as follows;

1. speak to your gf and family
2. register with a DMP to freeze interest.
3. Let your gf take control of your money giving you a spending allowance after bills every week.
4. Register for Gamblers Annonymous
5. keep yourself occupied, sport, gym, diy etc
6. limit the time you spend by yourself, and when you are by yourself (for example at work during lunch, make sure you do not have access to money via your credit / debit cards.)

Good Luck

I really apprciate your advice yeah I have not even thought about the value of things while chasing money gambiling. I have sold things to gamble in the past also
I did MMA for years and training in the gym everyday, had some great fights for a club also. Due to my gamilbing i left the gym i trained MMA at in august last year and have not even been my own gym for months now as gambiling has took over my life- from work i go straght bookies now and casino in the night, my Girlfriend works away a lot so it is easy for me to get away with it to......
As for credit card i dont have them just a bank card were my wages goes into as no one would ever give me one with the amount of debut i ran up - the last 3 months i have took my wages out of my bank payday and blew it the same day then been borrowing to pay little bit of bills here and there and gambiling more then loaning and its gone on an on like this -- i now the bookie is the only winner and MR Wiiliam Hill is sitting on his Yatch in Monaco laughting his !!!! off at people like me, but my head says when i have money, just to double what i have cause it will help pay some bills then the next min my pockets are empty. I no what i am doing is not right deep down but am just finding it hard to now how to stop i guess.

Brenster

Ok well my advise stands, give your partner your cash card, and work out what you need to get by, and ask her to give you that every week, and if you need more, then tell her not to just give it to you, you should justify why you need it, as if this happens you might aswell just give you your card back. If you know you have to go and ask for an extra £20 to get you to the end of the week, and tell her that the reason is because you gambled the last of your money away, the shame of having to do this should be enough to put you off gambling the last of your money.

Sorry I know this sounds like how you might treat a child, but with respect, a child would probably value money better than you.

If you dont stop this now, their is a chance you will lose your gf, your relationship with your family, your friends, and your home and job. Nothing is worth that. Get it sorted.

Good Luck.

HappyMJ

Self exclusion helps. Get somebody to help you self exclude yourself from all the gambling establishments in town and when you enter you will be asked to leave and they will not accept your money.

elvis2003

What happens if they let you in when you self exclude? plus their is so many of them not just in my city to.
Not trying be funny i just think that self exclusion is a waste of time even when you close your acc online their so many others you can use, i no this sounds bad they way i am looking at thing but i just think if i wanted to find a way to gamble then i could quite easily.

Brenster

Sorry to be abrupt, but you have got all the advise anyone can give on hear, you either want to take it or not, I dont think there is anymore people can say. You can make excuses as long as you want, but that is what they are excuses.

heartbreak_star

elvis2003 wrote: »

What happens if they let you in when you self exclude? plus their is so many of them not just in my city to.
Not trying be funny i just think that self exclusion is a waste of time even when you close your acc online their so many others you can use, i no this sounds bad they way i am looking at thing but i just think if i wanted to find a way to gamble then i could quite easily.

"Could" doesn't mean "have to". You won't prove any point that way.

Good luck - I suspect you may need it as you are making excuse after excuse. Please let us know how you get on though, and talk to your girlfriend - she may be very angry to begin with but if she loves you she'll stick around :
)

HBS x

barbarawright

If you were my brother or friend, I would rather you stopped gambling than continued betting in order to pay me back a few hundred or even thousand. However you haven't actually said you want to stop gambling? Do you?