Does anyone have their mother in law living with them?

hardpressed

Contact the housing department at your local council and ask their advice on what is available.

Michtaylor09

katsclaws wrote: »

Do you thinks husbands want to put wives into care or vice versa. ? Perhaps if your mother in law had severe dementia you would not be able to look after her. No one puts a loved one into care unless it is essential, especially when fees are £40,00 pa.

My MIL does suffer from dementia, although not advanced as yet.

I wasn't criticising anyone else's life choices. I merely explained my situation.

But, yes, I do think that SOME relatives would rather put a loved one into care than disrupt their lives by having them live with them.

tea_lover

While you're looking into some different accommodation for her could you try to get her out of the house a bit more? Are there any clubs or groups local to you that she could join? Would she be interested in volunteering maybe?

gingin_2

Michtaylor09 wrote: »

But, yes, I do think that SOME relatives would rather put a loved one into care than disrupt their lives by having them live with them.

That's the case with my family. Is it the norm that an elderly relative who needs help is expected to live with family, rather than go into a residential home?

BitterAndTwisted

It used to be the norm that families looked after their own without looking for outside help. Now, it appears that people have changed that view and see the elderly or those not able to look after themselves as someone else's responsibility.

dragonette

Personally, no I couldn't have my MIL with us. I have lived with them in the past and was extremely grateful that allowed this, and as I had no money I spent my days doing the majority of the housework and looking for work.

However, there are very definite personality clashes between us. She insists on beleiving, speaking and acting towards me in a manner that screams that because I am 25 yrs younger than her I am clearly stupid and incapable. She also infantilises OH to the point that I am teaching him to be an adult (seriously, who tidies their 25 year old son's bedroom for him??). I am quite capable of running a house, dealing with finances and working all the hours I can get. I would not be allowed to do so if MIL lived with us as the level of interference would be so high I would struggle to keep an eye on what was going on as well as everything I do atm.

If she, or FIL or my mum were to become dependant on caring support then we would provide that support as far as we are able, though moving them in with us would be a last resort for us.

katsclaws

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

It used to be the norm that families looked after their own without looking for outside help. Now, it appears that people have changed that view and see the elderly or those not able to look after themselves as someone else's responsibility.

You can't care for a loved one with established dementia if you have to work full time. Mobility problems often mean that Social Services insist someone goes into care eg if paramedics are being called out every night to help put a husband back into bed. A person with dementia can be very violent or agressive. Sometimes having a 'safe room' in the house is not enough. People with dementia are sometimes sectioned so the relatives are left with no choice about their loved one going into care. Carers are often elderly themselves and have their own health problems.

Acc72

katsclaws - from your 2 posts on this thread, it is clear form the content and tone that you have personal experience in this area.

However, to be fair neither of the posts you replied to were either judgemental or negative towards people who may/may not look after an elderly relative.

katsclaws

Acc72 wrote: »

katsclaws - from your 2 posts on this thread, it is clear form the content and tone that you have personal experience in this area.

However, to be fair neither of the posts you replied to were either judgemental or negative towards people who may/may not look after an elderly relative.

Perhaps not, but both suggest that putting a loved one into care is a choice when often it is not. especially as a lot of people with dementia believe that they are in perfect health and capable of looking after themselves.

Chaos_Monkey

dragonette wrote: »

She also infantilises OH to the point that I am teaching him to be an adult (seriously, who tidies their 25 year old son's bedroom for him??).

Erm, my MIL?? I'd suspect you were my BIL's GF if you were a few years older......

This is actually the main problem I have with my in-laws, they have very little respect for their adult offspring's choices and decisions. And totally lack an understanding of the concept of 'privacy'.

I also think daisygirl deserves a medal, we don't live in the same hemisphere as my in-laws (or my family), and that's just how I like it!

If the OP's MIL was unable to live on her own, then the general consensus might be somewhat different. But it seems she can/could, and is making the OPs life difficult by staying where she is, which in my opinion is out of order.

Good luck with getting her to move out, it might not be easy! I agree with the previous poster who said it should come from your OH, it will go down like a lead balloon if it comes from you!

Chaos