Does anyone have their mother in law living with them?

daisygirl_2

My mother in law has been living with us for a year and a half now. She used to live with her daughter but they had a major fall out and are no longer speak to each other. That's how she ended up living with us.

My mother in law is lovely but she's always in the house and I'm finding each day more and more stressful. It's hard to describe. I love my home but feel like it's not my space any more.

It's making me moody and irritable. I feel this is irrational as like I say she's a lovely person but I just wish she had her own place. My husband thinks I should be grateful that there is an extra pair of hands to help me -but I don't need or want any help! I feel guilty for wishing she didn't live with us. I was made redundant last May, My Mum passed away in February and I have a young son, who keeps me strong. I find it really difficult talking to her as I don't want to offend her. My husband has talked to her about giving me space, especially when my son is around as she likes to take over (which really annoys me) this works when my husband is home but when he is at work, it's like she forgets the whole conversation. Then when he comes home, I'm at boiling point and I can't enjoy our time together as I'm so stressed out. I'm reading this back to myself now and I just think I sound so pathetic. I feel like I'm being selfish and should just get on with things, argghhhhh!!!!

whitewing

I did. Never again. To be honest our relationship has never recovered, but that is due to oher issues too.

Is there any reason why she has to live with someone?

Lozzy88

I would never have my MIL living with me it doesnt matter how lovely she is, you`s are different people, yous need your own space, i would tell my OH to tell her she needs to get a granny flat somewhere, a year and a half is way long.

It will cause upset but in the longrun it will be best all round

VestanPance

When I was married I got on brilliantly with my mother-in-law. Even took her on holiday with us a few times and had a great time.

Despite that I wouldn't have wanted her to live with us on a long term basis. I think any couple needs their own space. I think it would be fairly natural that you feel a bit uneasy with the current living arrangements.

peachyprice

Gosh, you deserve a medal.

No way, no how would i have my MIL living with me, infact I wouldn't even have my mum living with me unless it were necessary due to ill health.

Why can she no longer live alone?

daisygirl_2

Thank you for your kind words, I've felt like a broken record when talking to my friends about this.

Is it easy for older people to get accommodation from the council?

How would you go about suggesting it to hubby, then the mother in law?

Thanks again.

daisygirl_2

Ok I've just spoken to hubby and I've said that I'm not happy and can we look into alternative accommodation. He's agreed to this. My mother in law is independent and ok to live on her own. How do I find out what is available in our area?

epsilondraconis

daisygirl wrote: »

How would you go about suggesting it to hubby, then the mother in law?

Just tell you OH that you feel for the sake of the whole family that the MIL needs to move out. If I were in your position, I would be clear to him that something needs to change.

I would say it is down to him to have the conversation with the MIL. Obviously you can do some research yourself beforehand so that you know what is available etc.

Perhaps to ease the transition she returns to your house to stay for 2 days each week?

Edit: Crossed posts. Glad your OH agreed.

pinkmami

You really deserve a medal living with your MIL. You don't say why she's there - is there a medical reason why she has to live with someone??

Gigglepig

I'd speak to husband first and try to get an agreement that this will only go on for another say 3 months, and that in that time period she has to find somewhere on her own.

daisygirl wrote: »

She used to live with her daughter but they had a major fall out and are no longer speak to each other. That's how she ended up living with us.

This is a bit of a red flag to me. If her own daughter won't have her in the house it is too much to expect that a daughter in law would?

daisygirl wrote: »

My mother in law is lovely but she's always in the house

For the remaining period of time she stays with you, I think it is fair enough that she gets out and about some of the time - it would be better for her to haver her own life too.

daisygirl wrote: »

I was made redundant last May

This also changes things - if you are spending more time at home.

Now, would you like to/could you get back to work? And possibly leave your son with the mother in law? Could be a win-win situation.

daisygirl wrote: »

My husband has talked to her about giving me space, especially when my son is around as she likes to take over (which really annoys me) this works when my husband is home but when he is at work, it's like she forgets the whole conversation.

This is not acceptable. If she can hear your husband she can hear you as well. To me this sounds like she isn't respecting you.

daisygirl wrote: »

Then when he comes home, I'm at boiling point and I can't enjoy our time together as I'm so stressed out. I'm reading this back to myself now and I just think I sound so pathetic. I feel like I'm being selfish and should just get on with things, argghhhhh!!!!

I think you just sound normal, it is normal to want a bit of space and privacy

daisygirl_2

No there is no medical reason for my mother in law to live with us. She is very independent.