Does anyone have their mother in law living with them?

BitterAndTwisted

daisygirl wrote: »

No there is no medical reason for my mother in law to live with us. She is very independent.

But she isn't independent, she's lived with her daughter and been asked to leave/been chucked out and now she's living with you. That isn't independent whichever way I try to look at it.


Now that you and your OH are on the same page, a conversation needs to be had with MIL. She needs to do the research on how she can find somewhere else to live. All (all!) you two need to do is put a firm time-limit on it.

If she doesn't shake a leg and make plans you could consider asking her to leave in writing. She could then take that letter with her to the council's housing department to see what help she could get from them. Fully expect WWIII to break out.

Elsewhere

daisygirl wrote: »

Do I contact the council? She doesn't have the means to buy and I think renting would be expensive.

From what I have heard about family members sharing homes, you would have to demonstrate that the house was overcrowded, or formally evict her before the council would consider providing her with accommodation.

peachyprice

There's some info here about renting privately and council accomodation

http://www.ageuk.org.uk/home-and-care/renting-accommodation/looking-for-rented-housing/

Also have a go with entitledto.co.uk to see if she would be entitled to pension credits or housing benefit.

BitterAndTwisted

What income of her own does she have and how much of it has she been contributing to your household?

When she came to live with you was there any understanding between you all that it would not be a permanent arrangement?

Michtaylor09

Yes, I do.

She's lived with us for about 6 years. She's a lovely woman who causes no problems at all. We even take her on holiday with us. We can't leave her at home alone for more than a few hours.
MIL is not very mobile and has a number of health issues (she's 87 years old) so can't help in the house at all. This upsets her more than me.

On saying this though... I'm out at work for 12 hours per day. My hubby is the one who looks after her on a day to day basis, makes her meals, takes her out etc. I just help her with showering, hair washing and personal care.

MIL has SKY tv in her bedroom, so goes to bed at 7pm to give me and hubby time together.

I regularly have my young grandchildren to stay, although she can't get down and play with them, she does love to talk to them and entertain them if I'm busy.

Overall, I would say that having her live with us has been a good thing for all of us. There is no way I would ever consider her going into a home.

katsclaws

Michtaylor09 wrote: »

Yes, I do.



There is no way I would ever consider her going into a home.

Do you thinks husbands want to put wives into care or vice versa. ? Perhaps if your mother in law had severe dementia you would not be able to look after her. No one puts a loved one into care unless it is essential, especially when fees are £40,00 pa.

daisygirl_2

I cared for my Mum when she was ill and my Dad is disabled too so I help him in his own home. It would be easier if I was out working but I can't find a job at the moment. My mother in law does the food shopping for us so, yes, she helps financially in that way.

geoffky

I could have my MIL no problem but my wife would kill her as she rubs her up the wrong way..I am expecting at least one from our parents coming here but we do have the spare rooms..Its the least i could do for them..

marisco_2

I can completely relate to how you feel OP. To be honest my first response to the title of your thread was :eek: and 'No not on your life'. Having my ex mil visit us for a few days was bad enough. If she had moved in with us I would now be doing time for her being six foot under the patio.

Your home doesn't feel like your own. You cant relax and feel at ease running the place just as you want to. This cant continue can it. A frank discussion with your husband is needed and compromises agreed.

londonsurrey

It's the fact that she's two faced enough to just switch her behaviour when your husband is around that makes me very wary of her.

People can have all kinds of foibles that they're barely aware of, but this woman is choosing to do things that she KNOWS upset you and sneakily, when her son isn't watching.

So she CAN control her behaviour, and is blatantly disrespecting you. Don't let her get away with "surprise" that you're not happy.