Women leaving the past behind?...

Person_one

dizziblonde wrote: »

If he wants to - he can change his surname when HE gets married too if he's so inclined!

I was doing a job where I was in a new place every day and being referred to by my surname (supply teaching) and little kids in particular were finding it very hard to remember and say - so I switched for that level of practicality alone since the option was there.

I just find it interesting that there are so many women in the world with surnames that are so unattractive, so difficult to spell or pronounce that they feel they have to ditch them when they marry (but oddly never by deed poll when single) but so few men. I've literally never heard of a man change his name on marriage for those reasons.

Same with 'daddy issues'. Lots of women out there who feel strongly that they must change their name on marriage (but never before) because they have awful fathers or stepfathers they wish to distances themselves from, but hardly any men who feel the same about their father's surname.

shegirl

I have a lot of friends like that.I think a lot of mums lose their identity tbh and,for me,there is nothing worse than a mum who only talks about her kids/kids in general or it's her main topic of conversation.I actually find it quite sad that they have nothing else to talk about or share.

On the other hand,I also know loads who will keep putting up night out pics!Myself included whenever I'm lucky enough for a night out!My profile isn't public so who cares?I'm 30 and still a person who enjoys herself when she can (I don't do all the sexy pose carp or get bladdered though-but I may do the occasional daft thing while slightly tipsy!)

Gillyx

I am always paranoid that I have become one of those women and as much as I fight it maybe I have? As I said though other people don't help. My Dad phoned last week and I felt like crap, my lovely boy passed his bug onto me, so said I'd have to phone him back, the next day I get a text asking me how my son was today, not one thing about how I was? My OH is the same, as soon as he's through the door at night he'l interact with baby then ask me how he was today etc. I don't begrudge him that at all, but all of that is geared towards him. I am at home with him all day, which I love, I'm not moaning! By the time he goes to bed and I get dinner sorted, washing done, clothes laid out for the next day I don't have time to watch much TV, usually I'll hop in the bath, read a chapter of my book and it's bed time. So in all honesty what do I have to talk about? That's really sad... haha

Person_one

Gillyx wrote: »

I am always paranoid that I have become one of those women and as much as I fight it maybe I have? As I said though other people don't help. My Dad phoned last week and I felt like crap, my lovely boy passed his bug onto me, so said I'd have to phone him back, the next day I get a text asking me how my son was today, not one thing about how I was? My OH is the same, as soon as he's through the door at night he'l interact with baby then ask me how he was today etc. I don't begrudge him that at all, but all of that is geared towards him. I am at home with him all day, which I love, I'm not moaning! By the time he goes to bed and I get dinner sorted, washing done, clothes laid out for the next day I don't have time to watch much TV, usually I'll hop in the bath, read a chapter of my book and it's bed time. So in all honesty what do I have to talk about? That's really sad... haha

Having a child is a major life altering Big Thing. No point pretending it isn't.

Equally though, no point pretending that your life pre-child didn't happen and a bit silly to try and suggest that you became some sort of saintly serene Earth mother the second the placenta was delivered!

Why is the fact that you've been lampshade-on-head drunk a few times something to be ashamed of anyway? Clubbing is not a crime!

Gillyx

Person_one wrote: »

Having a child is a major life altering Big Thing. No point pretending it isn't.

Equally though, no point pretending that your life pre-child didn't happen and a bit silly to try and suggest that you became some sort of saintly serene Earth mother the second the placenta was delivered!

Why is the fact that you've been lampshade-on-head drunk a few times something to be ashamed of anyway? Clubbing is not a crime!

Oh I've not forgotten, I love looking back over old pictures but I don't miss it really and I am not old (mid twenties) I am also not an Earth Mother :rotfl: I think my close friends and family would tell me to pull my head out my !!!!, if I tried that one

shegirl

Gillyx wrote: »

I am always paranoid that I have become one of those women and as much as I fight it maybe I have? As I said though other people don't help. My Dad phoned last week and I felt like crap, my lovely boy passed his bug onto me, so said I'd have to phone him back, the next day I get a text asking me how my son was today, not one thing about how I was? My OH is the same, as soon as he's through the door at night he'l interact with baby then ask me how he was today etc. I don't begrudge him that at all, but all of that is geared towards him. I am at home with him all day, which I love, I'm not moaning! By the time he goes to bed and I get dinner sorted, washing done, clothes laid out for the next day I don't have time to watch much TV, usually I'll hop in the bath, read a chapter of my book and it's bed time. So in all honesty what do I have to talk about? That's really sad... haha

It can seem hard at times to have other conversations.But then,my disabled teenage son is only in school 3 hours a day and I look after him on my own the rest of the time (can't wait until he's back in full time and I can get back to work -preferably with as few utterly mumsy mums as possible:o)with no social life,apart from when I occasionally go out on respute nights (ok,so he has respite weekly but I rarely go out ) so I sometimes wonder what on earth I have to talk about.I always have several things to talk about though.If I start doubting that and wondering I think it's just a sign of me feeling a bit rubbish:D

It's not sad,you'll have things to talk about,you just need to remember that!It doesn't help if you are surrounded by people who focus on your motherhood and child though.

A couple of years ago I went to an all female bbq with friends and,my word,I've never been so bored in my life.The topics of conversation were potty training,nappies,labour stories,the pros and cons of home births,breastfeeding and all that jazz.I quietly sat minding the alcohol while they all chatted away:o:D

shegirl

Person_one wrote: »

Having a child is a major life altering Big Thing. No point pretending it isn't.

Equally though, no point pretending that your life pre-child didn't happen and a bit silly to try and suggest that you became some sort of saintly serene Earth mother the second the placenta was delivered!

Why is the fact that you've been lampshade-on-head drunk a few times something to be ashamed of anyway? Clubbing is not a crime!

It's certainly not,it's a time of discovery and enjoying life and freedom!It all lays the foundations to who we are.

Certain things don't have to stop when you become a mum either,they need to be kept seperate from your kids (obviously lol) but you don't have to throw away everything completely.

Heck,I'll take any opportunity to go and bop away I can get,despite everything (including previous profession lol)

Person_one

Gillyx wrote: »

Oh I've not forgotten, I love looking back over old pictures but I don't miss it really and I am not old (mid twenties) I am also not an Earth Mother :rotfl: I think my close friends and family would tell me to pull my head out my !!!!, if I tried that one

Sorry, I quoted your post, but only the first bit was really aimed at you, the rest was more general.

Person_one

shegirl wrote: »

It's certainly not,it's a time of discovery and enjoying life and freedom!It all lays the foundations to who we are.

Certain things don't have to stop when you become a mum either,they need to be kept seperate from your kids (obviously lol) but you don't have to throw away everything completely.

Heck,I'll take any opportunity to go and bop away I can get,despite everything (including previous profession lol)

I don't think it even needs to be a huge terrible secret that mum sometimes goes out and occasionally drinks alcohol responsibly.

I know my mum did some daft stuff when she was younger, she continues to do occasional daft stuff now! It doesn't mean I don't respect her or that she was a bad mother. There's a picture of her looking a bit squiffy on her wedding day that I absolutely love!

shegirl

Person_one wrote: »

I don't think it even needs to be a huge terrible secret that mum sometimes goes out and occasionally drinks alcohol responsibly.

I know my mum did some daft stuff when she was younger, she continues to do occasional daft stuff now! It doesn't mean I don't respect her or that she was a bad mother. There's a picture of her looking a bit squiffy on her wedding day that I absolutely love!

As long as your kids don't know you've been throwing up in a gutter and shoving some guys head in your cleavage (no,I don't do that,but some do lol) then there's no harm in them knowing you actually have a life and can be responsible with drinking.It's probably a good thing tbh!