It is never too late to be what you might have been - George Eliot

ani_26

Pisces. Dreamers? Escape from reality? Water, of course, ( probably more suited to me in that i love water, but then i'm fire.) I think we had this conversation before? There's something that "attracts" between me and pisces and gemini. In truth, it always ends in all out war because of the differences. :rotfl: And yes, i do believe in all the astrology " stuff " to a degree, and i've personally found there are definitely traits related to birth.

I can't reply all at once, because it's too much, but i am having a break whilst i await a delivery. I can do no more. It's as bad as it is going to get, and there's only one way, from now? The great tidy up.

Rainbow_Bridge wrote: »

Ani, you reminded me of my BF2, I am glad that you resonate with her. I actually mentioned your posts to her, this weekend, and she said, that is exactly what I would have written!!!!!! I am Pisces.

I am pleased in the respect at least you understand where i am coming from? Think of me as your virtual, online BF2?

Rainbow_Bridge wrote: »

I am just back from spending a couple of days with best friend no. 2, who I will mention shortly, I was supposed to stay today, but her house is soooooooo cold, and I was glad to get back to central heating and fillet steak!

I can't help wondering what your reasons were for coming home early, but if it was because of the cold, and i were BF2, ( ooops i am,) I would genuinely be slightly upset.

I asked DH of all the persons we know, and we have a wide circle of friends, family and acquaintances, who was I most like, both in personality and looks, and he had no hesitation in saying best friend no. 1. I knew that would be his answer and that of the majority of people who know me.

Do you honestly believe this?

What is she like …… She is lovely! Kind, loyal, bubbly, hardworking and very pretty. Her husband gives her £350.00 a month, to spend just on herself, because he likes her to look fabulous. So she wears very trendy clothes, has a permanent fake tan, shellac nails, woven eyebrows, hair extensions and highlights, and has a perfect size 10 figure, because she works out at the gym three times each week.

I hate it when you hear that men give their wifeys an allowance to spend on making themselves look what they want to see? ( and it's more common than you think?) Surely it could be cheaper to buy another model?

I have another side of me, that of a very deep thinker, that enjoys reading books on very diverse subjects that are socially unacceptable in my circle, so they get read in brown paper bags. I’ve tried to bring up subjects like,

“Could the universe actually be holographic and the people in it receiving transmitters capable of tuning in to other frequencies?” or

“There is a huge amount of evidence that would suggest that our ancestors were actually reptilian ET’s connected to the planet Sirius, why do 99.9% of people ignore it?”

Nobody I knew was in the slightest bit interested, in fact just the mention of any of these subjects made them extremely uncomfortable, so I kept my mouth shut, until I met best friend No. 2, shortly after my breakdown.

Ah, well this is where the conversation started? as i'm a deep thinker, ( just in case you hadn't guessed by now?)

I'm genuinely shocked, ( or maybe not,) there are books read in " brown paper bags", ( well, i know what you mean,) and most people don't want to discuss certain topics. But maybe that's the reason why i never fit in? People don't do deep? I wish i had that ability to " switch off."

DF 2 believes that I have an Aspergers brain and that we are soul mates, and that the other ‘me’ is an act I put on in order to blend into society. We do talk for hours and hours and I enjoy her company immensely and I actually agree that her way of life makes sense up to a point, but after two days with her I was longing to get back to a light film, a warm house, and my traditional Sunday treat of fillet steak and red wine, with a cuddly husband.

BF1 and BF2 don’t like or trust each other, but I love both of them equally. If they both represent aspects of my personality and DF1 was an orange and DF2 was an apple then I would describe myself as and ORAP, bi, needing to swing both ways.

I see you maybe as being at the crossroads? I think we all eventually come to the crossroads, and no one can be perfect, not even me. How old are you? Was it 47 ish, if i recall? Maybe we all come to a point in our lives when there comes a time to re-evaluate, or something happens, which makes us do so? I think reaching your 50's is definitely a time of re-evaluation. Your heart and soul tells you one thing and your mind and body tells you the other? I personally think it is some time before you will find your " path " in life, and despite whatever you say, you still have many issues to resolve. But i would almost certainly say, behind all the bravado lurks, well, there only is one path you will take?


Gawd, doesn't all that sound self sanctimonious? I don't know how i got caught up with you? but remember, this is DF2 here. xxxx

Rainbow_Bridge

I am glad you are Pisces NewLeaf, and I think there is truth in the astrology business too, and traits related to birth dates.

DF2 would always tell me if she was offended in any way Ani, and she often is, as she is very sensitive, though she has no problem causing offence :rotfl:.

I think it was long enough for her, because she likes her own space and Friday night had been a really late one, where we never stopped talking.

She has just sent me a very deep e-mail about what is happening in New York and her views on it, with lots of kisses at the end, so I think we are still good to go.

In truth I am amazed we are such good friends because we have driven each other to distraction on a large number of occasions, but we really enjoy each others mind . She is a fire sign too and believes in all that stuff, so it will probably all end in an enormous explosion, which will undoubtably be mirrored online, but i'll enjoy it while it lasts.

I am really blunt with her now too, which I think she secretly likes :rotfl:.

I am at a crossroad, I do still have a lot of issues, but I don't know what my path is going to be. What do you think it will be? I like the idea of a virtual DF2, what on earth is the universe telling me, as if one DF2 wasn't enough :rotfl:xxx.

Newleaf, will you be a virtual DF3, because I feel totally comfortable and at home with you xxxxx.

ani_26

Rainbow_Bridge wrote: »

DF2 would always tell me if she was offended in any way Ani, and she often is, as she is very sensitive, though she has no problem causing offence :rotfl:.

Sounds about right, that. :rotfl:Oh dear.

I am at a crossroad, I do still have a lot of issues, but I don't know what my path is going to be. What do you think it will be? I like the idea of a virtual DF2, what on earth is the universe telling me, as if one DF2 wasn't enough :rotfl:xxx.

DF2's are few and far between. DF1's are easier to acquire? I don't know. I've never had DF1's. :rotfl:In truth, i always wondered what was wrong with me, because i've never had DF1 type friends, and never lived a DF1 type life, but now i realise it's because i am type DF2, so thanks for the realisation. I've also never had " friends " of the same sex. Just never had anything in common with them? Never related to them in any way, shape or form. Any friends have always been of the opposite sex. Having said that, i am 100% sure of my sexuality.


I think maybe you will keep dipping your toe in and out of the water, ( crossroads,) for some considerable time. You're lost and really don't know which way to go? so " keeping up appearances" is a " safe " option, and within your comfort zone?

I don't know what it is that " attracted " me to you, but like BF2, i too, have some degree of psychic abilities, which actually, for the most part, i tend to ignore as it's a killer (and i'm a non believer,) so maybe that is why? There's something i'm missing, and i can't tell what it is, but i get the feeling something will, or is happening, which will impact on your life? There's something else? Or will be, something else?

For now, i think you will continue with the "keeping up appearances" even though you're not sure if that's what you want? and maybe you are afraid you will lose BF1 if you "change" into BF2? You have to be very courageous, ( if that's the word,) to be different from the norm? ( or maybe wrapped in your own comfortable little world?)


I don't know why it takes so much energy replying to you. I couldn't reply yesterday. I was drained.


Anyway, i won't reply on your other diary, as i don't identify with it in any way, but if you want a discussion in this diary, if i'm here, i will reply. :A

NewLeaf_2

we do have a special connection RB I feel it

Rainbow_Bridge

Morning Ani and NewLeaf,

I find this deep stuff incredibly draining too Ani, which is why I need my lighter side, but I agree, totally, with your summation of me. There is something I am missing too, a key to unlock my puzzle.

If it's male company you like, what is stopping you from connecting to more of the male species?

I am not an unbeliever, why are you? I am a very deep believer in something, I just haven't figured out what. That is the elephant in the room, the thing that drives me to distraction, that other people don't seem to need to figure out. In my opinion, most people seem happy to believe whatever they were born into, and I don't blame them for that.

I am an absolutely typical moon pisces, I want to go with the flow, but feel that there is a destiny somewhere, for me, that involves swimming upstream, and I alternate between the two.

I also have a very mystical side to me, combined with an extremely analytical and logical side and that I suppose is where I feel totally at home with DF2, because she seems to be able to combine these opposites, whereas I have always found them extremely difficult to reconcile.

Two fish swimming in opposite directions, connected at the mouth, sums me up perfectly.

No wonder I puzzle you. Have a great day, and I do appreciate your input. Thanks.

How do you cope with being a Pisces NewLeaf?

I am going to check in on both of your diaires now xxxxx.

ani_26

Morning, in the insomniacs club :hello:

I will reply later, as i am fighting my own demons again, ( health demons) and your deep stuff is draining on my deep stuff. xx

Rainbow_Bridge

No problem, just visit this section when you feel up to it, I totally understand, I get like that too.

You have rekindled my deep side though, because it was in hibernation, and I was quite enjoying being free of it, so you have only yourself to blame:rotfl::rotfl:.

I am an early bird, I am fast asleep by 9.00 pm, but wide awake at 5.00 am, so I just work to that time frame.

Sorry the health demons are playing up.

TTFN, please don't feel under any pressure from me to respond, I am a tough old boot, a survivor, who is quite thick skinned and self sufficient in many ways after then events of the last couple of years, but I am genuinely interested in your responses, and this forum is helping me to figure out my path in a wierd kind of way.

I hope your day gets better xxx.