It is never too late to be what you might have been - George Eliot

ani_26

Rainbow_Bridge wrote: »

It's all so @#!*% sad and unnecessary. That is why I truly believe as Dr Tim Cantopher asserts that mental illness is 'the curse of the strong', because of our tendency to have unrealistic expectations and to deny ourselves a release valve.

Too true.

ani_26

:hello: Just popping in to say hi, btw.

ani_26

Rainbow_Bridge wrote: »

Thanks Ani, tis lovely to see you over here. You have a warrior spirit, so even if you haven't made it out of the breakdown stage, you will. It takes time.

Two years for me since my crack up. August 8th 2010. I think I may mark the anniversary in some way ....

Anyway here are a few of my favourite quotes from Neitzsche, which have helped me.

'He who has a why to live can bear almost any how'.

That's the problem if you don't have a why.

'That which does not kill us makes us stronger'.

Hmmmm.........

And this one is particularly poignant for me and the one I am working on

'The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself'. xxxx.

This one has always definitely been me. But i do believe in owning yourself. It never works. Or rarely works? Maybe that's too selfish?

debtfreewannabe321

oh i also think too much so am with you on that one. Ani i don't know the in's and out's of your situation but feel like you might need a hug (((hug))) so there you go. My last breakdown was whilst my husband was in Afghan, i was 4 months pregnant and had a 6 month old daughter who didn't sleep, was up to my eyes in studying for my degree (2nd yr) and my son was being bullied at school. Whenever i have a bad day I look back to that time! things can only get better once you hit rock bottom!

I'm glad you had a good holiday RB and i'm with you on the stock cupboards, i have a small stock of things. But tbh they are things that if in the emergency of say no water or electricity i could not use (i.e toiletries, and food that needs cooking! My oven is electric!!) lol i ought to get my thinking cap on and buy some stuff that i can actually use - my next house better have a stock room/ larder!

ani_26

Rainbow_Bridge wrote: »

That made me laugh. You are right of course, none of these quotes apply to everybody or all circumstances. They can all be turned on their head, and are quite glib.

I suppose I would like to find some firm ground, to build on, to achieve that elusive thing called balance, but everything seems to be relative.

I recently read the book 'Me Before You' about a quadraplegic who wants to end it all at Digitas, and it really got me thinking.

The crux of the matter was; is he selfish to want to end it all, or were his loved ones selfish because they would not let him go, exercising his free will.

The older I get the more I realise I have no answers, only questions. I think my problem is I think too much.

Thanks for your thought provoking comments .... I've just read the irony there xx

Sorry if i thought provoked you.


It's interesting to take others comments on board, but i honestly have never been one for reading all these whatever books, or following others philosophies. We are all different? I went on a pd course once, and of course, they say read this and that book, but it's just not for me. It helped on an emotional level for the duration of the course, but ultimately, you just have to work things out for yourself. Is that too cynical? Or is that too self sufficient. I don't know. Maybe it comes with age?


Maybe my attitudes have changed as i now live on, at best, a daily basis. Live for the now, and that is a challenge in itself.


Just read your post again. Why is life so important? Discuss ( please don't say god gave it to us.)



Err sorry if it's getting a bit heavy here. I don't intend to be confrontational.

bast

Rainbow forget the 2 lb you had a good holiday.. You are doing really well.. Ani I have read your thread from your very first post and I think I understand how everything just got on top of you... You really have been to hell and back.
I have just got back from my own holiday and found them to be two days of pure hell. Unfortunately once i was "down" it was a nightmare trying to get "up" again, and I was caught up in my very own "pity party", I had even had enough of me constantly moaning...:rotfl: Two days of being in a very full hotel with people was very difficult I really needed to relax back in my hermetically sealed narrow boat with the o/h.
Debt I have just read about your breakup with your husband.. huge hugs...(()) bless you.. Please look after your mental health my love...

Rainbow_Bridge

edited now

bast

It was funny really Rainbow I am back now in my own little familiar world, I do love to travel though, just not in hotels.:) Fortunately I can normally take my home with me:p
I wrote you a long post but deleted it.. I will tell you what life means to me my family and the odd time I can be truly compassionate and take a total interest in someone elses life and for that moment that person knows I genuinely do care and more importantly am trying to help them. Today I sat with a lovely lady who is about to lose her 43 year old husband to a terminal illness, struggling against an antiquated system that can sometimes be inept and frustrating. Sometimes those moments of real empathy make my job and life a lot more rewarding. Dont get me wrong I can be a real cow in life sometimes just ask the o/h... I dont want to be rich, not always happy just at peace..... contentment:o??
ps.... had a no spend day go me.......!!!!!x

ani_26

Rainbow_Bridge wrote: »

At the time of my breakdown I was searching for a meaning to life and I prayed really hard, for the first time in years to find the truth, even if I didn't like what I heard. Jesus says 'keep on asking and it will be given to you' and 'you will know the truth and it will set you free.'

I think it's just the carrot to keep you dangling by jesus, as it were, and you will never find the truth, ( whatever that is,) Does it exist? What is the truth? And why do you need it to set you free? Oh my, such cynicism.

Well do you know what happened .... it was like in the Matrix film when Neo is asked whether he wants to take the red pill or the blue pill. You take one pill and everything stays the same, you take another and you go into this rabbit hole and the question is, 'how deep does the rabbit hole go'. Of course, I had to go down the hole.

It is very deep. It's a bottomless pit.

I have read so much over the last couple of years, trying to figure out what is true and what is delusion and I still haven't got a clue, though I am inclined to think that reality is very different from what the majority of mankind believe.

You have to work through reality?


In answer to your question, 'Why is life so important', it's an excellent one.

A couple of years ago, I came to the conclusion that if there was no purpose to life, and we were descended from animals and 'survival of the fittest' was the rule, then I wasn't suited to life on this earth, I cared too much, though I never consciously wanted to die.

Two years on, i'm not much further advanced philosophically, but when I read posts like yours about the pleasures of growing a chocolate plant, and I watch the birds, and I cuddle DH and DS, then I find myself being grateful that I have had a chance to experience this weird thing called life, and I have decided to capitalise on that, and enjoy all these precious moments, stringing as many of them together as I can.

I prefer to believe that I have a hand in creating my destiny, rather than just being a victim of circumstance, or somebody elses planning, but who really knows.

In the meantime I will still keep searching for my truth, because, I agree with you, we are all different and unique, and no two people will agree on everything, but I will enjoy my journey now and try not to get too heavy ......

Maybe i'd be bored if I had all the answers .

Why do you think that life isn't important?

Consciously wanting to die? I'd best leave that one.

I never consciously thought about the plaeasure of growing a chocolate plant, although gardening has been my salvation? Or therapy?

Why do you think that life isn't important?

I've yet to find the meaning of life? :rotfl:

ani_26

I would concur, the meaning of life is probably, family.