make do and mend for tougher times

savingqueen

Hello :hello: everyone, I haven't posted for a while but have been trying to keep up with reading posts (and other OS threads) as best I can. Often its just before bedtime and I'm on laptop in bed with DH asleep so I can't put on the light and so I can't see to type. Used to be a good touch typist but brain's too worn out by late eve. Apologies for not thanking posts - I did read em honest guv! If I didn't have OS to read, I would go crazy, its my comfort thing (and chocolate and cakes ) Thank you all for your posts.

Plodding on with stuff, trying to stay chirpy. Relationships between my sister (only sibling) and me are very frayed (not sure that word sounds quite right but anyway) and as a side effect between me and my parents. Might expand on the situation later if it continues but don't want to bore you all. In short I feel pushed out by my extended family (which is very small), DH is mad with them and its all very awkward and horrible really. Tried several times explaining things from my side and getting nowhere at all - my parents and sister just can't talk about problems or deal with conflict, everything swept under the carpet. I have been lucky to have good friends, good DH to talk to and a dose of therapy to sort myself out by now but sadly they haven't gone down the same route.

DH's family are difficult too - MIL can be very hard too put up with, that's another story in itself. DH told her after last visit a few months ago not to come back :eek: It's been coming for about 15 years. She was rude, disrespectful and damn right nasty at times. So we feel we have no family support, just strife. Thank goodness for friends is all I can say, I am very lucky to have them.

DS2 is struggling to cope emotionally - mainly at school, at home he is generally ok with the odd outburst, he is only 5 years old. I am worried about him but not overly yet as he is at last getting some support from school and a better, far calmer teacher this year. He had a major meltdown at a new swimming class last week. New pool, new children/teacher, bigger class and pool and we were late to boot and he just couldn't cope with it all. He was last swimming back to the poolside and some children were laughing and teasing him and next minute he has his hand around his neck trying to strangle himself, getting further and further down the deep end and went under a couple of times. Cue - swift pool evacuation of rest of class and teacher (not dressed in swimgear!) getting in to fetch him out. You could have cooked a big breakfast on my red face - I was scared, embarrassed and cross with him all at the same time - mostly scared though knew the teacher would get him out. I would have jumped in fully clothed if need be (and the thought did run through my head!) Poor DS1 has to go back into the pool with rest of class after and he handled 20 questions from other kids very maturely.

Thing is the exact same thing happenned at his old swim class (in a different pool), we left it a few months, changed pool and... Suffice to say he won't be having swimming lessons for a long time!!

Anyway will try and snap out of low mood. All the rain doesn't help and am hardly seeing DH with the course he's doing for work - 3.5 hours twice a week at college and he spends 2 other weekday eves study. At the weekend he spent a big chunk studying but did come out with us to woods Sat and park Sun. I do want him to pass his course and as redundancy still looms for him, its important. I am being outwardly supportive but have to admit privately that I am already fed up doing absolutely everything round house. He didn't do much before, I do everything house/child/car/social planning/finances etc related but at least he did basic gardening and did kids baths/bedtime etc, now he hasn't time or so he said. My last weekend was all chores or children related and I wanted to scream what about me?!!!!!! As I don't do paid work, it looks like I have plenty of time during school hours but I'm generally really busy with chores, shopping, volunteering etc then busy after school with kids/meals/homework etc right up til kids in bed and usually after that still on the go. I don't mind if I get a bit of a break at the weekend.

Ok woman stop ranting. I'm going to have some soup for lunch then quick tidy before nipping to shops before school run. I'll never catch up with old posts so will start afresh today. I'm going to have a little treat tonight I;ve decided. not sure yet what :cool:

onward and upward toughies
sq:)

kidcat

((hugs)) saving queen - if DS2 is struggling its worth asking school to have the Ed Psych look in on him. The earlier you get some help for him the better and if its on paper its easier for you to ensure that school follow through. Whilst this year the teacher may be great, next year may be a different story.
At least your OH is supporting you with family issues, for many years I had issues with my OH family and received no support from him, finally it was when they openly attacked me to him and I snapped, then he stepped up. His support now is encouraging.

As for the other stuff, I often get people asking me what I find to do all day - even OH asks. Is it possible you can talk to OH and explain you feel like you are drowning? Being stuck with all the childcare and household tasks is incredibly hard, just having a small time away would be a bonus I am sure. Maybe if he agreed to do bedtimes still and allow you a little "me" time, it would help.

fuddle

Be afraid of a boom my friend, be very afraid.

My friend in the village is away to Australia next week. They are emigrating. Her husband has got an unbelievably well paid job over there. Megabucks in comparison to what DH brings in. All the way through I have been such a support to her, never getting down with her and always being upbeat about the positives of the move. I've seen her over lunch time today. On parting she said "I know you'll never achieve what I have but I hope you get out of this village. I'll email you to show off my new house and my swimming pool and you can email me your erm, well what can you show off to me. Eeeeeh that was rude. Well I suppose it's true, hahaha." The anger I felt. The disgust. She's going out admidst a boom. She's going out with very little money. She's going out to fix her marriage, she's going out with children who are scared, she's going out leaving a house that will incur debt.

I don't want what she has. Why the heck do I get 'em. Why do I have to put up with just spiel and bile from other people. Money isn't everything. Money doesn't define you. I'm so angry and a bit hurt actually. I've been a good friend.

Popperwell

stiltwalker wrote: »

Sorry for the whinge, just a bit frustrated tonight - talking through a few ideas with OH and he's apologising for landing me with a senile FIL, daft ha'porth - that's what family is for. Just wish I could wave a magic wand and fix it all.......

There may only be myself to think about now but that is or should be what families are for and sadly modern life means that for many that has been lost but through good and bad times our lives are enriched/blessed if you do and just maybe people are starting to realise this once more. The spirit on this board shows that it is out there.

Sometimes you feel so hopeless.

I haven't read al the thread yet but I hope the day has improved for you Kidkat.

I fell asleep around 4am and have woke to a horrible day, cold wet and windy but haven't decided whether to venture out yet or stay put.

I guess we'll have more of the same from now on...:(

maryb

Fuddle darling please don't let her get to you. I remember you posting about her before. It's sounds like she's being a bit defiant and may very well know deep down that this is very risky. You have a happy family life and you are rebuilding after the bad times - they will never hold such terror for you again now you have encountered it and survived. Who knows what lies ahead for any of us but I think you are heading for calmer waters than she is

stiltwalker

Saving Queen - sending you hugs, hope you manage to find a balance you sound like you have a lot on your plate ATM. I certainly know what you mean about finding time to fit everything in - I'm on here in a little break between revising, doing physio with DS (I try to fit in half a dozen 5 minute do's over the day) and cleaning, will be off out in an hour to pick up DD from nursery and OH from work. OH doesn't do too much around the house but I get around this by declaring certain jobs "man tasks" and playing the little wee woman so things like the bins and the lawn and the recycling etc. I also insist that he practices his washing up at regular intervals - he claims he's no good at it - so this is why I make him practice! :rotfl: He is however very good and hands on with the kids which is a big help.

Fuddle - I'm sorry you feel hurt but you have every right to be angry, what a ****** (insert word of choice!) Take heart from the fact that although she may think she has it all you can bet your bottom dollar that she doesn't have all the good stuff you have. As for money.... money? what's that? It can define you - but very rarely in a good way! Those who chose not to let money define them are infinitely richer in my humble opinion.

kidcat

Fuddle - you can smile inside because you know that in two years when its all in tatters around her you can email her your smile.
Congrats on the job start as well by the way

Meant to say earlier VJsmum - if your DD is still struggling with school is there nothing that can be done? Having been seen the damage an unhappy experience can cause I just wonder if there is no other option for her. If at 16 she is crying about going back it sounds sort of serious, of course you know her and maybe she is being dramatic, but if there is any doubt its worth an investigation. Good luck, unhappy kids is one of the hardest things to deal with

fuddle

I strive for contentment mary. If you're content you're happy I think. The grass is always greener I guess. I'm just going to take it as a criticism of living here and not directly as a dig at me. I think you're right. She's probably very scared and maybe putting on a bravado, as such. Still bluddy rude!

Popperwell

SpikyHedgehog wrote: »

Pops, I'd go for the course if you can as it will be a chance to meet new people in a limited situation - if you don't like them, you don't have to see them again!

Alpro - their soya milk is nice, but we use supermarkets own as its cheaper. Their hazelnut milk is gorgeous though! Scrumptious in hot chocolate :-)


Could do with getting some fruit & veg in the way home from work today but we'll see what the weather is doing... Don't want to go to L1dl, apples there last week were horrible. I really want to go to the 'local' independant greengrocer, several people have recommended them for cost & quality. But local means about a mile & half, on the wrong side of a busy road... Could bus there & home again, but then I'm adding £3.60 for 2 bus journeys to the cost of the veg. Will try to cope till Wednesday.

Will consider the course now or later as I suspect it will always be there:)

And thank you for the idea about Alpro/own brand. What you say about using buses and adding to the cost of what you buy must be a problem for many. A weekly ticket is a better buy as you pay less for one journey and can use it as often as you wish but...you are then committed to parting with £25.50 and if you don't use it some days you feel you are wasting it. You need to use it at least three and a half days to at least break even.

If you were working that's quite a chunk out of your wage on top of everything else that everyone has to, I don't know how people do it.

shegar wrote: »

what a bloody year for most of us...............take care all.....

So true...It probably is the same for many any year but it does seem particularly difficult for some reason dealing with the now and the rumblings of what the future will bring mainly instigated by our leaders...

mardatha wrote: »

Still ok here apart from light drizzle that started at 6am. Dreading what's coming later, but I will be sat in Ikea drinking tea and eating cake with the rest of the MSEers at the Preppers thread meet so I will cope

I do hope so and I hope you have as nice a day as PAH, Ginny and Smiley had yesterday.

Possession

F I think she's trying to justify leaving to herself. If her decision to leave is 'right' then yours to stay must be 'wrong' IYSWIM. I know quite a few people in Oz and NZ who are terribly homesick. It isn't all beaches and swimming pools. But it was unforgiveable to take it out on you. Try not to take it to heart too much.
PS I forgot to say good luck in the new job, when do you start?