Real life MMD: Are my parents dividing the will fairly?

pennypinchUK

Tell your parents to spend every single penny of it. It's their money, after all. I think it's sad that parents and grandparents grind themselves in to the ground, continuing to work beyond when they need to for their own sakes, just to provide for their siblings after they've died.

If there's anything left over, then share it out. But don't treat it as a right or an expectation. Take every bit of joy in the comfort that your parents made the most of their lives.

popsicles

As a step mother I can tell you from expereince that you are wrong - it's not a case of whether you love them less - you are NOT their mother and never will be, they have their own mother who provides for them seperately! It's facts - it's head stuff not heart stuff!

ellielou wrote: »

At the end of the day it is their will - which is mean they can leave money however and to whom ever they want to.

If it was me I would leave my money equally between all children whether they were step children or not. The fact that I entered a relationship with someone who alreay had children meant I should consider those children the same as i would my own. Just because children are not blood doesn't mean they should be thought of any differently in my opinion.

Actually if I were your dad I'd be really upset that your mum even thought about blood children & step children in different ways - I find it quite repugnant.

But I suppose each to their own.

priestone

I think what your parents are doing is absolutely fair.

My husband has children from his first marriage and I would expect him to split his share of the estate equally between them and our joint children, although if he chooses to do it any other way that's up to him.

I would want to split my share of the estate amongst my own children. Although I get on with my stepchildren, they are a lot older and I've never thought of them as mine. They have never lived with us.

Having said all that, I don't feel we are under an obligation to leave anything to any of them at all - I'd much rather spend it enjoying my later years!! We've done our best to give them a good start in life financially and career wise and hopefully they will stand them in good stead, without having to rely on any inheritance.

It's up to your parents to decide.

susan47

Gosh this is a complete minefield. I would suggest that you stay completely out of it and let them do it how they want, it's their own consciences they have to live with if they know they are leaving behind something that is unfair and it's not your fault. I have plenty of experience myself. My father remarried many years ago and left all he had to his 4 'new' children (they weren't even his). So I always felt very sore about that after he died. So then my mother marries husband number 2 herself and he wanted to leave everything to his only son. Yet again me and my sister were going to be left totally out of it. However he died first and everything was left to my mum - so now me and my sister are getting it all and it's the son who is left out, because my mum did exactly what her husband did and only left her estate to her own children. It's just luck and it could have gone either way. It seems to be that some parents don't understand what fairness is and that's just how it is, but it's not our fault. I felt bad that my stepfather's son got nothing and he blamed us, but it was just the way it went, it could have gone either way. If only they'd been fair, but it's not our choice.

bandanaman

I think the option put forward is correct - as the other 2 x children obviously live with their mother (who appears NOT to have remarried - but if she did then those 2 x children would share the stepfathers wealth.)
Interestingly they have not considered what happens if 1 dies before the other - a (point raised by other contributors) - hence they should own their "Assets" as tenants in Common (Costs about £40 to switch to this) and clearly identify what goes to each child in the will. each child should be named - so if there is no argument about misunderstandings.
In October / November every year the Law Society members offer "Cheap" wills - and "Mirror Wills" can be drawn up quite reasonably - say £100 / £200 max. for a detailed will, covering IHT as well.
It may seem "cynical" to lay out this detail now - but arguments after a death can destroy a family unity forever - a persons wishes should and can be respected.

fatfires

I am sorry but it appears you have just joined the materialistic greedy world of self centred 'in it for what you can get out of it' world. If I have miss read it I apologise BUT until either or both pass away it is their money - do you or the others tell them how to spend it day to day?
I have just acted as my mothers executor and had to present a cheque to an ex friend of my mothers who had not been near nor by for many years and a person that myself, brother (co executor) nor my father (when alive) disliked intensely, However it was my mother's will and her wishes were carried out albeit through clenched teeth and despite being personally criticised at the time. Whatever your parents wishes, they should be respected...end of!

bandanaman

susan47 wrote: »

Gosh this is a complete minefield. I would suggest that you stay completely out of it and let them do it how they want, it's their own consciences they have to live with if they know they are leaving behind something that is unfair and it's not your fault. I have plenty of experience myself. My father remarried many years ago and left all he had to his 4 'new' children (they weren't even his). So I always felt very sore about that after he died. So then my mother marries husband number 2 herself and he wanted to leave everything to his only son. Yet again me and my sister were going to be left totally out of it. However he died first and everything was left to my mum - so now me and my sister are getting it all and it's the son who is left out, because my mum did exactly what her husband did and only left her estate to her own children. It's just luck and it could have gone either way. It seems to be that some parents don't understand what fairness is and that's just how it is, but it's not our fault. I felt bad that my stepfather's son got nothing and he blamed us, but it was just the way it went, it could have gone either way. If only they'd been fair, but it's not our choice.

You could have voluntary given some to your step brother - you did not think it fair and you were right!

bandanaman

You could have voluntary given some to your step brother - you did not think it fair and you were right!

tallgirld

Sounds fair to me. It's their decision anyway but it is good that they mentioned it as you hear soooo many stories of families battling over estates.

I have a friend who's family were arguing over who should get their Grandfathers ring!!

Augustus_the_Strong

I think it's fair, and it's your parents' business. However, you are being very fair-minded to ask the question, and your half-siblings should appreciate that. But as others say, there are more complex issues involved. Keep on good terms with everyone.