Real life MMD: Are my parents dividing the will fairly?

JimmyTheWig

A.Jones wrote: »

I remember a similar situation with my grandmother. She wanted to skip a generation, and leave money only to grandchildren. She had two daughters, my mum and my aunt. My mum had three kids (inc me) and my aunt only one. She wanted to leave 1/4 each to each grandchild as she saw this as fair between grandchildren. My aunt was furious, saying it is unfair that her children only get 1/4 and my mums children get 3/4. She hasn't died yet (luckily for us), so I don't know what the resolution was.

That's a tough one. I believe the way the law works would be the way your aunt is arguing. E.g. if your aunt and your mum went before your grandmother (sorry to be talking about such personal things!) and your grandmother didn't have a will then the split would be half to your cousin and 1/6 each to you and your siblings.
But I can totally see how that wouldn't be fair. It would be like giving you and your siblings cheaper Christmas presents than your cousin as there are three of you!

One solution (though I think you have the right solution in keeping out of it!) is for her to split it equally 6 ways - i.e. 1/6 each to you, your two siblings, your cousin, your mum and your aunt. Seems like some sort of middle ground to me. If your mum and your aunt then want to pass the money down to their children that is up to them.

ktothema

To be honest, its their choice though the problem may come when your father has passed and its your having to deal with the arguments. To me the proposed split seems fair.

My father has three children, but my mother only has two (so I have a half sibling). Originally, as my half sibling wasn't a large part of our lives this was how their will was split, dad's half going three ways, mum's two. Now both have their wills split solely between my full sibling and I. My half sibling isnt happy, but then they've refused to acknowledge my father's existance for over 17 years and he's decided he doesn't want to gift them any inheritance. It doesn't seem fair in a way, but its his choice. His will is 50/50 at mo but if he want's to split it 70/30 in my sibling's favour then that's his choice and I'll live with it.

My parents wills and my partner's and mine are set up similarly. The euqal halves we split go straight to the children, in trust if they're young or straight to them except in the case of housing, where that's held in trust until the other parent dies (to stop the house being sold out from under the still alive parent). Though I'm not sure how much this says about my family!

Pickpoodle

I feel that the assets your parents have were the result of their efforts and their children should make their own way and be grateful should they inherit anything at all. Their money their choice but in this day and age after any care you parents may need in old age there may be nothing left anyway. Don't wait for old shoes get on with your life and stay out of it and I recommend they spend it on themselves which is what their children should be telling them to do

overwhichhill

Bear in mind that if a will is not made, or is not specific, then solicitors will become involved. Their costs can be considerable and are deducted from the estate before it is distributed. The intended beneficiaries could end up with much less than if you had clearly stated the division of your assets in your wills. A good probate lawyer will be able to advise on the wording of the will which will best reflect your wishes but watch out for the clause which enables the lawyers to charge for non-legal work at their usual hourly rate. I have seen £200/hour charged for house clearance! If solicitors become involved in administering the estate always check their legal fees and query them if you feel they are too high. There are specialist legal costs lawyers (Association of Costs Lawyers) who will assist you should you believe that you have been overcharged.

ifan.goch

I think what's not fair is looking at your relatives assets as if they are your's by right. They're not. What if relatives decide to leave everything to charity? That's what I would do if my children were arguing about their rights to my assets before I was even dead. :mad:

pinkystan

I'm from a pretty complicated family too - my mum and dad divorced when I was a baby, my dad remarried and had kids, my mum remarried and her husband already had kids, and so I fully expect they've had a nightmare of a time trying to sort out their wills. Do I actually care about what I get in the event of their deaths? Do I chuff. It's absolutely none of my business! I'd much rather spend my time enjoying their company while they're here than thinking about what I'm getting when they pop their clogs, thanks.

rallyspit

Your parents are not writing their will, they are each writing their own will, which is their individual wish as to how their assets are distributed. I would hope that the first beneficiary of each will is the surviving spouse. Could the survivor continue to live comfortably if his or her spouse had already gifted away assets? Assuming they have done this, then you would get the share arrangement of the last survivor, ie either half the estate or a quarter of the estate.

I woudl suggest they get professional help in drafting their wills to ensure that they have considered all options including simple life interest in possession trusts which would help them achieve their objectives, possibly also safeguarding the home from future care fees.

Also why the jealousy? Be grateful they are considering leaving you anything.

ellielou_2

At the end of the day it is their will - which is mean they can leave money however and to whom ever they want to.

If it was me I would leave my money equally between all children whether they were step children or not. The fact that I entered a relationship with someone who alreay had children meant I should consider those children the same as i would my own. Just because children are not blood doesn't mean they should be thought of any differently in my opinion.

Actually if I were your dad I'd be really upset that your mum even thought about blood children & step children in different ways - I find it quite repugnant.

But I suppose each to their own.

cuba2008

I don't see a problem with the division as envisaged by your parents. Anything they have that has been accrued during the marriage is for them to leave to whomever they want. Presumably, your dad made provision for his ex when that marriage ended and he is being more than fair in splitting his share equally between all of his children. The other half of the assets are your mum's and she is leaving her share to her children equally. It isn't your fault or your mum's that your dad has other children. What are they suggesting for goodness sake? That your dad leaves his share all to them and your mum leaves her half to you and your siblings? Also, bear in mind that, if one parent dies before the other (much more likely) then the other will no doubt inherit everything anyway and it will only be after the death of the second parent that any sharing between siblings and half siblings even becomes an issue. At that point, your dad and mum have safeguarded what will happen when both your parents are deceased by making clear that his half share will be split between all of his children (a perfectly reasonable bequest) and your mum's share will be split between all of her children. What could be fairer than that?

popsicles

Yes your parents are being fair, it is not your fault that you have a mother with good savings and equity and they have a mother who doesn't. Leave it be. I am someone who has written a will exactly the same way based on exactly the same facts and it is definately the right thing.