Ex making our lives miserable

HeadAboveWater

bournemouthboo wrote: »

Thank you. Is that reviewable or is that until they are adults?

Once they reach 16 they can make their own minds up as to whether they see her outside of agreed contact times. I'm guessing this is as they're now classed as an 'adult', rather than that being specific to my partners case.

You're better stopping contact now, before it gets way out of hand. My partners girls are mid-teens, and the effects of what they seen/heard etc when their mum and dad were together is still affecting them today. And every day. Physically, mentally and emotionally.

BitterAndTwisted

OP: just tell your ex (preferably in writing) that the child is unhappy being forced to have contact with him and therefore you are declining to grant it. If he's unhappy with your decision then you welcome seeing him in court where your child could be given an opporttunity to disclose the reasons why he doesn't want to have contact forced upon him.

RAS

bournemouthboo wrote: »

If he doesn't see him does he still pay maintanence or does that stop as he told me a few months back he would stop paying me if I ever took HIS son away from him. Its through the CSA.

The CSA will chase him up if he plays up. I suggest that you budget for a few months when there is no money whilst they get him sorted out.

Just about the only ways to avoid paying are going self-employed and mucking about with your "salary" and giving up your job altogether.

if worst come to worst, they will attched a DEO to his earnign and he loses 40% until the debt is piad off.

bournemouthboo

newcook wrote: »

he still has to pay maintenance - money and access are 2 seperate issues!

I am sure it says in the CSA deduction he has to pay it until our son leaves education. Money means nothing though to be honest. I would rather us not have this stress.

bournemouthboo

RAS wrote: »

The CSA will chase him up if he plays up. I suggest that you budget for a few months when there is no money whilst they get him sorted out.

Just about the only ways to avoid paying are going self-employed and mucking about with your "salary" and giving up your job altogether.

if worst come to worst, they will attched a DEO to his earnign and he loses 40% until the debt is piad off.

He works in the emergency services, can not see him leaving that ever. He loves his job. Always has.

HeadAboveWater

bournemouthboo wrote: »

I would rather us not have this stress.

It's not worth it. Your son is very young and all this will affect him for years to come. He is very obviously unhappy with what his dad says.

bournemouthboo

HeadAboveWater wrote: »

Once they reach 16 they can make their own minds up as to whether they see her outside of agreed contact times. I'm guessing this is as they're now classed as an 'adult', rather than that being specific to my partners case.

You're better stopping contact now, before it gets way out of hand. My partners girls are mid-teens, and the effects of what they seen/heard etc when their mum and dad were together is still affecting them today. And every day. Physically, mentally and emotionally.

I don't want it to cause any permament damage. Our son knows exactly where everything comes from. His fun hobbies, his clothes, his presents and toys. Always come from my side.

For instance for his 8th birthday a few weeks back his dad bought him a load of dot to dot books and colour pencils (the big chubby ones you would give to a toddler) even though he asked for money to put towards the wish of having a Kindle. My family all gave him money which he wanted and he then had the pleasure of going to Arg0s with my partner and I to buy the Kindle and ever since has been sat reading book after book.

His party was arranged at a mutul location the following saturday which I invited my EX to. He asked our son on the phone if he wanted Daddy to go. My son replied with no encouragement ' if you want to come Daddy, but if your busy it doesn't matter'. I felt a tear go down my cheek and had to go in the kitchen when my ex said. 'ok then I won't bother'.

I text him on the day saying it would be nice to surpise our son and turn up his response was ' I am sure he is having a nice time with your muppett and new family (my boyfriends Mum was there) as well as all my family'. One of his work collueges was there who used to never talk to me but he was there collecting his son who was at the party; he said; ' no one trusts ****** at work he says one thing does another, full of hot air, your better off with out him in your life or (ours sons)'. I was very suprised he said such a thing about such a good friend or what was a good friend.

HeadAboveWater

Doesn't sound much like he knows his son at all, nor listened to what his son wants, nor wants to spend time with his son. His 8th birthday and he wasn't bothered about being there??

I listen to my partners girls most weeks talking about how their mum didn't show, or she did show and was drunk. I usually can't speak as the tears are tripping me. It breaks my heart
But their mum doesn't see the effect she's having as she's so self absorbed. Yes they're used to being let down by her but it still really hurts them.

Your son is getting so much love and support from you. You're his mum and his friend. Be there for him in every way you can. It's a very strong bond you have with your son.

bournemouthboo

HeadAboveWater wrote: »

Doesn't sound much like he knows his son at all, nor listened to what his son wants, nor wants to spend time with his son. His 8th birthday and he wasn't bothered about being there??

I listen to my partners girls most weeks talking about how their mum didn't show, or she did show and was drunk. I usually can't speak as the tears are tripping me. It breaks my heart
But their mum doesn't see the effect she's having as she's so self absorbed. Yes they're used to being let down by her but it still really hurts them.

Your son is getting so much love and support from you. You're his mum and his friend. Be there for him in every way you can. It's a very strong bond you have with your son.

Crying is the only way sometimes. I feel for those girls. Lucky they have you both.

No one could question my bond with our son. He would come to work with me if he could. He enjoys spending time, makes me presents out of card and paper colours pictures for me and leaves them in my handbags. His love is clear for all to see. x:)

HeadAboveWater

It's tough going sometimes but I'm glad they've some sort of stability in their lives now.

Aw that's so sweet He sounds adorable! And very much loves his mummy