Ex making our lives miserable

thehappybutterfly

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

thehappybutterfly: fathers don't have any rights. It's the children who have a right to a relationship with both of their parents but if one of them is inadequate or abusive who would force a young child to spend time with them? I wouldn't. I'd have to be dragged over hot coals first before I'd allow it!

Absolutely, I totally agree with you. When my son was 6, he decided he didn't want to see his dad so we stopped access but we were never married and we live in Scotland where unmarried father's don't have any rights to see their children. I was more worried for the OP's legal stance in English law - I didn't feel qualified to advise her to stop all access. But I was happy to read other posters suggesting that she stops access and I wholeheartedly agree with them!

bournemouthboo

Well my ex has never met my current boyfriend so that hatred comes from him dating me. I think :-S

His parents are patchy. They used to hate me but I think they have started to see its not me as they now speak to me direct and don't get involved all be it very seldom. They are not a big part of my sons life. There was a huge fall out a few months ago when my ex said his then ex girlfriend could have our son at her parents and I went mad. Time is time for him not for ex gf parents etc. his parents went mental at him saying that he needed to step up. Nothing since happened though.

I have to be careful with them after all it is their son. They are a well known family for troubles in past years and it's better to keep them on side.

Mediation - is that something I would instigate or him?

Thanks everyone I appreciate every post x

bournemouthboo

My ex is 32 I am 27.

bournemouthboo

Ex works shifts so would be hard to have fixed arrangements although I'm starting to think I should just fix a day if he is working he is working.

HeadAboveWater

You do what you need to do to make things right for your son. Your ex will just have to fit in around you.

Have you full custody of your son? If not, get it. And then, if you want, allow him supervised contact with his dad. But keep it on your terms, not his.

*hug*

MummyOfTwo

Your first port of call should be a solicitor for some specialised advice.

bournemouthboo

I have full custody. I was thinking of with drawing contact completely and waiting for him to go to a solicitor. Years ago he tried for custody (2008) and he failed. I got it. There was no substance behind what he told the solicitors (drug taking, leaving our son alone) and he was warned that if he presented in a court again he would have to have evidence that backed him up as you can not go around making accusations.

pearl123

bournemouthboo wrote: »

Well my ex has never met my current boyfriend so that hatred comes from him dating me. I think :-S

His parents are patchy. They used to hate me but I think they have started to see its not me as they now speak to me direct and don't get involved all be it very seldom. They are not a big part of my sons life. There was a huge fall out a few months ago when my ex said his then ex girlfriend could have our son at her parents and I went mad. Time is time for him not for ex gf parents etc. his parents went mental at him saying that he needed to step up. Nothing since happened though.

I have to be careful with them after all it is their son. They are a well known family for troubles in past years and it's better to keep them on side.

Mediation - is that something I would instigate or him?

Thanks everyone I appreciate every post x

"Ex works shifts so would be hard to have fixed arrangements although I'm starting to think I should just fix a day if he is working he is working."

Although I can get the general gist of what you are saying your first message was much clearer to understand. It is easier for people who don't know you nor your circumstances if you write as clearly as possible that way we will be able to help you better.

Also when the language gets sloppy or difficult to understand (like the person does not care what they are writting) we tend to jump to the conclusion that sometimes it is a troll.
We all make errors, I'm dyslexic, but you do need to be write clearly so we can understand your issues properly.

HeadAboveWater

I have full custody. I was thinking of with drawing contact completely and waiting for him to go to a solicitor. Years ago he tried for custody (2008) and he failed. I got it. There was no substance behind what he told the solicitors (drug taking, leaving our son alone) and he was warned that if he presented in a court again he would have to have evidence that backed him up as you can not go around making accusations.

Good. Then withdraw access. He'll have to fight to see him.

My partner has full custody of his girls. His ex was paying her daughters to lie and all sorts. She put up a big fight. All lies. Courts usually sway towards the mum but in this case the dad got them. And rightly so. She is only allowed supervised contact. And even then she rarely shows as she's usually away getting drunk

bournemouthboo

pearl123 wrote: »

"Ex works shifts so would be hard to have fixed arrangements although I'm starting to think I should just fix a day if he is working he is working."

Although I can get the general gist of what you are saying your first message was much clearer to understand. It is easier for people who don't know you nor your circumstances if you write as clearly as possible that way we will be able to help you better.

Also when the language gets sloppy or difficult to understand (like the person does not care what they are writting) we tend to jump to the conclusion that sometimes it is a troll.
We all make errors, I'm dyslexic, but you do need to be write clearly so we can understand your issues properly.

I am sorry that it was not written well enough first post was on a computer the rest have been on a phone so its hard to check what I am writing. I will be more careful in future.

My ex works shifts so it is hard to book a set day as some weeks he would be working that day.