Separation, Divorce and a new relationship

Ellejmorgan

Run Forrest Run..........:eek:

Tuesday_Tenor

Errata wrote: »

... the odds of meeting up with someone on the net are good, but the goods are often odd.

Not heard that one before. Brilliant!

[Mind you, we're probably all a bit odd to some people! ]

cte1111

I met my husband on the internet, he was talking about marriage within months, we were married a year after we met and are still very happily married quite a few years later.

So it can work, but listen to your instincts too. Has your girlfriend met your friends or family? It can be useful to get a second opinion from someone else you trust and also see how they seem to gel together.

kingfisherblue

You've had around ten dates - I'm presuming evenings, so you have spent around forty hours together, and she's talking about marriage. Do you own any running shoes? I'd put them on sharpish!

pinkclouds

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

They've been talking over the internet, have known each other for barely five minutes and she's the one who's raised the subject of marriage? Put the ruddy brakes on, and hard!

As an aside, there may be perfectly harmless intentions in mentioning the M word early on. I spelled it out very clearly, early on when dating, that I saw myself getting married and being at home with kids in the future. There's no way I'd have wasted my life dating someone who was opposed to marriage and/or kids. People don't dramatically change their hearts, minds and personalities even if you've been dating them for years. What's true today will very likely be true in 5 years' time.

Grumpygit

pinkclouds wrote: »

As an aside, there may be perfectly harmless intentions in mentioning the M word early on. I spelled it out very clearly, early on when dating, that I saw myself getting married and being at home with kids in the future. There's no way I'd have wasted my life dating someone who was opposed to marriage and/or kids. People don't dramatically change their hearts, minds and personalities even if you've been dating them for years. What's true today will very likely be true in 5 years' time.

Yes, there may be you're correct, unfortunately, it's the issues surrounding nationality that have got people on the defensive in respect of advice to him

I know that I haven't worded that well, but it would be the same advice if he had said that he met someone from Thailand on the net and they wanted marriage etc - you have to question their motives given the publicity surrounding where they come from.


As it happens, I met my OH on the net, within 3 months we were living together - he had moved a long way from home to be with me, we didn't marry for a few years but have been together 11 years now....so it can work.

However, if he was from a country where there were issues surrounding fake marriages/passports etc then it would have been different.

paddy's_mum

This doesn't have to be an all or nothing situation. Why annihilate any chance of a successful romance by deciding this early on that the lady friend's motives cannot be anything except self-seeking?

In similar circumstances as the OP, I'd be suggesting that he consider renting out his own house and that the two of them then rent somewhere else of their own, together.

The lady's reaction to that suggestion might be very revealing and indicative of her true feelings.

warwicktiger

pinkclouds wrote: »

As an aside, there may be perfectly harmless intentions in mentioning the M word early on. I spelled it out very clearly, early on when dating, that I saw myself getting married and being at home with kids in the future. There's no way I'd have wasted my life dating someone who was opposed to marriage and/or kids. People don't dramatically change their hearts, minds and personalities even if you've been dating them for years. What's true today will very likely be true in 5 years' time.

Thanks for that, in our case Kids are out of the question due to age issues, but we have both made it clear we are looking for a lifetime partner.

"In similar circumstances as the OP, I'd be suggesting that he consider renting out his own house and that the two of them then rent somewhere else of their own, together. "

An interesting suggestion.

warwicktiger

Well, a lovely day together yesterday with some serious talking. She also owns a house (in Poland) and can now understand the fears of my friends family, and some posters on here!

Living together without marriage is not an option for her. This has not put me off, I can respect her for it.

whitewing

I think she sounds very sensible and knows her own mind.

The comment about kids interests me. Is it you who will not have more children or her?

My husband would have happily not had a child of his own, and I didn't really want any more, however, I felt I could not be with him if it meant depriving him of the chance of being a natural father (physically not being able to have children would be a different matter). Now our daughter is here, he is delighted.