Daughter buying lunch for skint school friend.

[Deleted User]

Find out how your daughter plans to feed herself once she's ran out of her budget? Charity is great, but it should come at her expense, not yours

She may learn a life lesson out of this.

billa_champion

Kudos to your daughter for being thoughtful..! But I'd raise this with the girl's parents. Are they approachable? If they are not then I'd think about raising it with the school. Are you also sure that your daughter is not being forced to do so?

schoolrunmum

JodyBPM wrote: »

I'd be more concerned about finding out why your daughter's friend is being sent to school without money or lunch tbh. I would raise this issue with either the parents/school (whichever you are more comfortable speaking to) and get that resolved before stopping or limiting the money. If you simply give your dd a pack-up or limit her daily spend, it just means that the friend will go hungry, which I'm sure you don't want! I'm also of the opinion that your dd should be applauded for looking out for her hungry friend rather than being punished for it.

Obviously in the long term its not sustainable for you to pay for another child's meals, and I'm sure that no-one would expect you , but can you not let the money side of it ride for a week or two while you talk to the school/parents and had assurances that the child will be getting fed by another means. The idea of a child going hungry at lunchtime makes me feel quite sad:(

(obviously, there is also the possibility that something else is going on - eg friend saving her money, or being given a packed lunch that she bins rather than eating etc, so tread carefully and find out the full story!)

I've let it ride for a few months now,it's time to tackle it, but I'm not sure I can speak to the mum..school may be easier. The family are one of those "disorganised" ones, you know, the kids turn up consistently late, minus PE kits, minus packed lunches on school trips,forget non uniform days etc. A pal of mine is a TA at the school the younger siblings attend, and says they often are starving as they've had no breakfast before school. My daughter has been pals with this girl many years, and there is absolutely no possibility that she is being forced into buying lunch-she doesn't want to see her friend go hungry.I've picked her friend up to give her a lift when they've all been going out for the day-and had to stop at a shop to buy lunch for her myself as she says there was nothing in the house.
I think it's...
1/money is tight in the first place.
2/ mums too disorganised to load money onto the account.

I think I'll just have to tell DD once I've loaded her account, when it's gone it's gone...

MrsAnnie

My daughters' school works on the same system, so I put on x amount on Monday of each week and they know they have to budget through out the week.

My DDs kindly say to friends 'sorry but I don't have enough on my account to lend to you', and they will very occassionally buy for a hungry friend if it is a one off request.

GobbledyGook

I really cannot urge you enough to tell the school about this.

If the family is chaotic, but getting by then they'll not intervene. However, if there is more than one child who is funding the lunches for the others? Are they also going without or is the whole family being subsidised by kind folks?

Forgetting a packed lunch on a specific day is one thing, but not realising you are continually not providing means for your child's lunch is a whole different ball game.

tango

I would speak to the school, they will be able to help sort this.There is always a child like this in most schools . However tight money is it doesn't cost much money or time to knock up a marmite sandwich and a bannana.
We don't have the card system , and my four only get canteen on a Friday, would cost me a fortune if they had it every day.I personally think it's overpriced and not value for money

samuela66

They do say now dont they that a lot of children arent being fed properly at home, not even having breakfast.
I think I would take it up with the school surely you cannot be "too disorganised" to sort your childs lunch out.... they need to take the schools approach to the Mother and tell her the child has no money in her account, dont think I would approach the mother personally!

Mojisola

schoolrunmum wrote: »

I do know the family, and while money is tight for them, mum still manages an expensive hobby.....

It's hard to understand a Mum who lets a child go hungry in order to spend money on a hobby.

I would ask the school to talk to the friend and find out what was happening. If the family is that chaotic, they might be able to help.

19lottie82

I'd tread carefully with this one, as someone else suggested, there could be many explanations, for example that the girl is getting a home made sandwich every day but throwing it away in favour of a "free" hot lunch.

How old is your daughter? Have you asked her if she knows why she has to buy her friend lunch? Has she asked them why their parents don't give her lunch money?

londonsurrey

It's nice that your daughter is being thoughtful, but you don't want it to be effortless.

So, can you afford sandwiches for the friend too? If so, I'd suggest that you give your daughter enough money for one person's lunch each month.
And then make available the makings of a packed lunch.

Your daughter then has the option of
- buying lunch for just one person
- buying lunch for two people, and then taking in a packed lunch for the remaining days.

She has the option of making the packed lunches herself, or inviting her friend over to help with making the packed lunches.