Daughter buying lunch for skint school friend.

schoolrunmum

This is a tricky one, I'm sure some of you must have come across it and might be able to give me some advice on tackling it? As the thread title suggests, my daughter ends up buying her mate lunch as said mate never has any money on her school account.
Now I applaud my girl for being thoughtful enough to not want to eat lunch while her friend goes hungry, but I also do not want to pay for someone elses child! The school works on a cashless system,I have to "load" her account with cash via credit card/internet at home, and they spend it by holding their finger to a reader. I put the same amount on both my kids accounts on the same day..son still has £28 on his, daughter just £5. She says it 'cos she buys lunch for a particular girl whose account is always empty.
Any ideas how to tackle this? I do know the family, and while money is tight for them, mum still manages an expensive hobby.....

bestpud

Maybe load her card daily for a while, with just enough for her?

Probably a pain in the rear but she should soon get the message.

ETA: Another (harder) option is to make her have a packed lunch until it's time to load the card again and tell her it is because you cannot afford to feel another child.

peachyprice

My son's school have a £10 minimum, which is a pain.

One of mine did this with a friend, I took the extra he was paying for his friend off of his pocket money, it soon stopped

If it's Parentpay your school uses you should be able to set a daily limit, so you could make it just enough for your DD to eat.

pinksk8

I would have a quiet tactful word with the skint girls parent and gently shame her into buying her child some lunch, Im sure its very embarrassing for the young girl.

Person_one

Can you get in touch with the school and let them know this girl is only able to eat because you're subbing her?

balletshoes

schoolrunmum wrote: »

This is a tricky one, I'm sure some of you must have come across it and might be able to give me some advice on tackling it? As the thread title suggests, my daughter ends up buying her mate lunch as said mate never has any money on her school account.
Now I applaud my girl for being thoughtful enough to not want to eat lunch while her friend goes hungry, but I also do not want to pay for someone elses child! The school works on a cashless system,I have to "load" her account with cash via credit card/internet at home, and they spend it by holding their finger to a reader. I put the same amount on both my kids accounts on the same day..son still has £28 on his, daughter just £5. She says it 'cos she buys lunch for a particular girl whose account is always empty.
Any ideas how to tackle this? I do know the family, and while money is tight for them, mum still manages an expensive hobby.....

could your daughter take a pack-up lunch instead, with enough to share with her friend?

ilikewatch

How old is your daughter? Do you believe that:

a) Your daughter really is buying her friend lunch?
b) She is doing this of her own free will?

If your daughter is old/mature enough to make decisions about spending, and the answer to the 2 questions above is yes, then I'd continue to load her account with enough to get her own lunch, she can then choose whether to buy herself lunch all month, or buy herself and her friend lunch for half the month and go hungry for the rest of the month.

GobbledyGook

I'd speak to the school. If the girls parents can't afford to pay for her lunch then there will be ways the school can help them. If they won't (for whatever reason) that's something the school should know about too.

I'd tell your daughter that it's wonderfully kind of her, but she's not actually helping in the long run because her generosity is masking the problem.

gingin_2

schoolrunmum wrote: »

This is a tricky one, I'm sure some of you must have come across it and might be able to give me some advice on tackling it? As the thread title suggests, my daughter ends up buying her mate lunch as said mate never has any money on her school account.
Now I applaud my girl for being thoughtful enough to not want to eat lunch while her friend goes hungry, but I also do not want to pay for someone elses child! The school works on a cashless system,I have to "load" her account with cash via credit card/internet at home, and they spend it by holding their finger to a reader. I put the same amount on both my kids accounts on the same day..son still has £28 on his, daughter just £5. She says it 'cos she buys lunch for a particular girl whose account is always empty.
Any ideas how to tackle this? I do know the family, and while money is tight for them, mum still manages an expensive hobby.....

I have put extra sandwiches in when someone was having a tough time but you have to draw the line on money.

Are you sure this is the case and DD is not trying to buy friendships or is being bullied?

We can put a maximum daily spend on our child's account at DS's school. Is that a possibility?

working

Speak to the mum.

JodyBPM

I'd be more concerned about finding out why your daughter's friend is being sent to school without money or lunch tbh. I would raise this issue with either the parents/school (whichever you are more comfortable speaking to) and get that resolved before stopping or limiting the money. If you simply give your dd a pack-up or limit her daily spend, it just means that the friend will go hungry, which I'm sure you don't want! I'm also of the opinion that your dd should be applauded for looking out for her hungry friend rather than being punished for it.

Obviously in the long term its not sustainable for you to pay for another child's meals, and I'm sure that no-one would expect you , but can you not let the money side of it ride for a week or two while you talk to the school/parents and had assurances that the child will be getting fed by another means. The idea of a child going hungry at lunchtime makes me feel quite sad:(

(obviously, there is also the possibility that something else is going on - eg friend saving her money, or being given a packed lunch that she bins rather than eating etc, so tread carefully and find out the full story!)