Money, TTC, Morals and in need of advice.

littlewhiteowl

Not sure where to post this so please forgive me if im posting in the wrong place. In a bit of a dilemma in my head. Ive always really wanted kids but its always been really important to me to be working you know to be able to provide and set a good example.

I had a good job up until christmas and for various reasons I cant return to that job, And have been unsuccessful in finding employment since due to health conditions and the current climate despite applying to hundreds upon hundreds, Im still unemployed. Dont get Jobseekers or ESA, Only housing benefit at a very low rate.
OH earns about 13k, we are renting.

For various reasons (including health conditions) I want to get the ball rolling ASAP with TTC and so far have been waiting until i can get my career back on track, Its not that i dont admire you stay at home mums, you do a great job but I would want to work even part time just to keep part of myself and financial independence, so ive been waiting for that, but after reading everything in the news about the price of childcare and some mums not being able to cover it with their wages, Is it worth me waiting?

Confused! Having children is ultimately more important to me than my "career".. but im scared that if i have them now Ill be stuck on benefits for a long time and i really dont want that.
Can anyone give me advice/share experiences?

Thanks.. Sorry its a bit long winded!

claire16c

Maybe you live somewhere a lot cheaper than me, but I could not live on that money, especially if a baby came into the picture simply because the rent would take up around 80% of the salary after tax before any bills let alone food. So I would be putting all my efforts into finding a job first.

Also you would then be entitled to maternity leave. And youd be able to save for any baby stuff you wanted.

Trying for a baby could take you 1 month, but it could also take years. So I think in your situation I would be trying to find any job I could, because at the end of the day you are only fertile once a month, so what are you going to do the rest of the time?

why dont you claim job seekers though?

But if you live somewhere really cheap and you are fine with the money you have right now, then you could always ttc and job hunt at the same time and see what happens?

Ames

You don't say how old you are? Obviously if you're 40 it's different to if you're 20 for lots of reasons.

littlewhiteowl

Im 26, But i have misscarried before. So wondering if it will happen for me. We live in a lovely place, rent is very cheap.

Gillyx

People say "oh babies only cost what you want them to cost" but I've not found that to be true really, if you don't live in a great area for free cycle and don't have many people you know for hand me downs, things need to be bought, even second hand a lot of baby stuff sells for a good price. There's also the things that you want to get baby, which aren't necessary but you'd like. Then just things like food (if you can't or don't want to breastfeed, nappies if you choose to use disposables)

Then once baby is here, all your friends will be working during the day, so the cost of baby groups, travel there and back.

I'd say try and find a job first, if you can live on just hubbys salary it means you can save almost all of any money you make, to buy baby things or to save if you'd like to give up work for a few years after bubs arrives.

That's just my 2 pence worth though.

FATBALLZ

I don't know about benefits available for childcare, but if you are planning to pay for it out of your own wages you need to be earning good money for it to be worthwhile to work. At least £30k.

quintwins

yes babys can be expensive but they really don't need to cost the earth, for example this is a list of everything you need for a baby coming home

moses basket-£30
sterlisers-£10
bottles-£10
sleepsuits (2 packs of 3 plain white ones) £6
outfits (2 sets of tops and joggers from primark or asda) £6
socks £1
snowsuit £10
cardi/jacket £7
formula £8
nappies (few packs, own brand are just as good) £6
wipes (couple of packs) £3
sheets (matalan are good for these) £4
blanket (tkmaxx are fab for lovely wee blankets not the cheapest tho) £5

thats £106 over 7 months thats only £15 a month, now that will only do a wee or 2 and is the bare minium, but once people find out your pregnant you may find family memebers will offer to buy you larger items such as cots and prams (you need a car seat you get your baby home btw, asda do one at £25 in there baby event from birth til 5 i didn't include this above as usually people get car seats with prams). Once the babys here you will be entitled to child benefit and tax credits which more than covers the cost of nappies, baby milk and wipes for the week, with a little left over for the odd wee cheap outfit if you wanted.


You may be able to be the surestart maternity grant which gives you £500 to buy baby items for your first child.


I would say go for it if you feel the time is right, it will never be perfect there will always be reason not to have a baby.


i know someone will now come along and say you can't possible cope with my list but i found out i was preg 4 days after losing my job, which then turned out to be twins, who then arrived at 33weeks and we have nothing for them at all other than the gifts we had been give, we managed on 6 sleepsuits and 4 outfits for months as i was so ill i never got round to applying for benefits and we just didn't have the money to go buy them, our twins were ofcourse prems so even handme down clothes were too big.


It's worth looking on gumtree for prams and other bits, also small baby clothes don't sell aswell well as older items and you can pick bundles up for 99p on ebay all the time.

Gillyx

I think that's a basic list and good if your baby isn't a fussy !!!!!!.

We bought TT bottles, a whole set, they didn't suit him, he had colic/reflux, and they gave him terrible wind and were advised by the midwives to buy Dr Brown, so we did, and they leaked like hell, and he would manage an oz, and that'd be him, so I was then advised by a different health professional to buy MAM, so I bought those, and finally we had success. I did manage to re-sell most of them but not for anywhere near cost. When your baby is screaming the house down in pain, you'l do anything to fix it. Co-lief too, before we discovered he had a milk protein intolerance, we bought this, and it was a life saver and I've heard from so many different mums they love it, £11 a bottle, it lasts 5 days, some health trusts will give it on script many don't.

If you have a particularly pukey baby, you'l go through mulsins and clothes like no tomorrow, mine hasn't ever been that sick with the reflux, but today he has been terrible, we've had 3 full changes already, and that's just vests/babygrows. I know when I had my baby at the start, I couldn't have managed to get all my washing up to date so was handy having 10 or 12 vests I could just dip in and out of. Don't even get me started on the poo-namis lol.

I'm not saying you need to spend a fortune, but in my opinion it's not as cheap as it's made out to be, but maybe we were just unfortunate. (probably is the case actually )

I suppose if you had to survive, you would, that's what mummys are good at but I think if you could have a bit more funds behind you it's ideal. I know I'm not working and only my OH is, and although we coped, it hasn't been easy at all, and coupled with having a baby, having a little bit more money wouldn't have gone a miss.

amyloofoo

littlewhiteowl wrote: »

Not sure where to post this so please forgive me if im posting in the wrong place. In a bit of a dilemma in my head. Ive always really wanted kids but its always been really important to me to be working you know to be able to provide and set a good example.

I had a good job up until christmas and for various reasons I cant return to that job, And have been unsuccessful in finding employment since due to health conditions and the current climate despite applying to hundreds upon hundreds, Im still unemployed. Dont get Jobseekers or ESA, Only housing benefit at a very low rate.
OH earns about 13k, we are renting.

For various reasons (including health conditions) I want to get the ball rolling ASAP with TTC and so far have been waiting until i can get my career back on track, Its not that i dont admire you stay at home mums, you do a great job but I would want to work even part time just to keep part of myself and financial independence, so ive been waiting for that, but after reading everything in the news about the price of childcare and some mums not being able to cover it with their wages, Is it worth me waiting?

Confused! Having children is ultimately more important to me than my "career".. but im scared that if i have them now Ill be stuck on benefits for a long time and i really dont want that.
Can anyone give me advice/share experiences?

Thanks.. Sorry its a bit long winded!

I'm in a very similar position to yourself (mid 20s with health conditions and wanting to TTC but not in the right place financially). There's a thread on this board called 'waiting to TTC' which has lots of people with similar experiences and I've found it very helpful and supportive.

I can understand your desire to start a family immediately, especially given your history of miscarriage and health problems. It must be very tempting to accept the advice of those who say that 'if you wait for the right time you'll be waiting forever' and 'babies cost what you want them to' and whilst this is right to an extent, it's also true that once you do have a child it's easy to get caught in the 'benefits trap' and you may struggle to return to work.

It's really a question of what's most important to you. It sounds as though you would really like to be earning and in a more secure financial position before having a child and given that you're only 26 and have been pregnant before (although this sadly ended in miscarriage, it shows you are able to conceive naturally) there shouldn't be too much harm in waiting for your situation to improve.

For the sake of your relationship with your partner (who may be very stressed with the idea of being sole provider on a low income), your future plans to return to work and your hopes and aspirations for your future child, it may be best to wait for now.

Of course, there are others who will tell you to start trying immediately and I really understand the temptation to do so! Ultimately you have to make the best decision for yourself and your future family.

TeamLowe

littlewhiteowl wrote: »

Im 26, But i have misscarried before. So wondering if it will happen for me. We live in a lovely place, rent is very cheap.

Please don't lose heart because of your unfortunate experience. A surprising (in a bad way) number of ladies lose their first baby and having one miscarriage only ever so slightly raises the odds of it happening again, in fact I once found a statistic to say that the chance of two miscarriages in a row is only 2%
I was told by the nurses at the EPU when I lost mine that sometimes a first pregnancy comes as such a shock to the system that your body doesn't know what to do, especially if it's a 'missed' miscarriage. When you get pregnant again it knows better what it's doing and youll be fine. Unfortunately I haven't fell again so can't tell you if that's true but that's due to my PCOS not anything to do with my mcx x

quintwins

Gillyx wrote: »

I suppose if you had to survive, you would, that's what mummys are good at but I think if you could have a bit more funds behind you it's ideal. I know I'm not working and only my OH is, and although we coped, it hasn't been easy at all, and coupled with having a baby, having a little bit more money wouldn't have gone a miss.

Very true, we manage no matter whats thrown at us (same goes for dads btw)


My boys had the same bottle issue, however i was forwarded, so i had several different types in anyway, in the end they would only take the mam newborn teats, and then cheapy bottles with similar teats so worked well for me in terms of cost, however you can easily get away with 2 bottles, one on the go and one in the sterilser should you need it (not that i'd want to but you could, infalcol worked well for my twins and we had no issue getting it on script, i find dr's alot more helpful that health visitors/midwifes when it comes to presciptions.