Help !

meritaten

yes, but, it is your life now hun with your new partner. your sons have chosen a different way. I dont want to be cruel or harsh because I can see how you feel right now - but, you have a chance of happiness with your partner and he is leaving you decide.
I cannot help wondering how HE would feel if you aborted the baby because you dont want to upset them? and ten years down the line your sons still dont want to know? would you feel the decision was right to abort?
I dont want to sound like an anti-abortionist, but is this baby sent to you for a reason? a second chance?
This is your decision - but you are aware of the repercussions of having the baby or aborting - I would focus on what you have now and not some imaginary scenario. Just you, your partner and your baby to be.

Toooldforthis

I guess I'm just scared of what ever decision I make ! I've just started to have some freedom away from a controlling and abusive man ( I was with him nearly 20 yrs ) and I guess I'm scared off having no life again ... I just can't ever remember a time in my life when I have made my own decisions and have been "me" I've always been someone's wife or the boys mum never me
I really appreciate the replies I wish I'd found this site when I was going through the break up

Toomuchdebt

Can I just add that I had my last baby at 39 and my first 4 kids have never felt like they were being replaced by new babies...they'd love me to have another in fact LOL

meritaten

Then it is time you thought of 'ME'! What do you want? this is YOUR life hun, do not let others dictate your decisions.

DylanO

Toooldforthis wrote: »

I guess I'm just scared of what ever decision I make ! I've just started to have some freedom away from a controlling and abusive man ( I was with him nearly 20 yrs ) and I guess I'm scared off having no life again ... I just can't ever remember a time in my life when I have made my own decisions and have been "me" I've always been someone's wife or the boys mum never me
I really appreciate the replies I wish I'd found this site when I was going through the break up

Do you think you might be scared because you are in control again? Maybe it would help if you could talk your fears through with a counsellor? It doesn't mean you're crazy, just that you need a safe place to explore your options without potential bias influencing you.

I will say this - having a baby doesn't take away your identity - it adds to it. Only you can define yourself so if you want to be 'you', then you can still do that either way. I think there are two decisions to make - firstly how you define yourself, and secondly whether you continue - they're not the same question, but they may be linked depending on what you decide for each of them.

amyloofoo

DylanO wrote: »

Do you think you might be scared because you are in control again? Maybe it would help if you could talk your fears through with a counsellor? It doesn't mean you're crazy, just that you need a safe place to explore your options without potential bias influencing you.

I will say this - having a baby doesn't take away your identity - it adds to it. Only you can define yourself so if you want to be 'you', then you can still do that either way. I think there are two decisions to make - firstly how you define yourself, and secondly whether you continue - they're not the same question, but they may be linked depending on what you decide for each of them.

^^ this ^^

lollipopsarah

39 isn't old any more, dare I ask how far gone your are?
Please don't jump into any decision (either way) take time to get over the shock.
I'm tempted to say if you have a chance of happiness then grab it, your first children are adults now, youv'e done your bit, so now it's time for you.
Maybe let nature take it's course.
My very best wishes to you.
xx

conradmum

Can I just sound a note of caution here? People coming from abusive relationships often unconsciously seek out a similarly abusive subsequent partner. A typical scenario in abusive relationships is that initially the abuser is extremely loving and charming but once he/she has a hold over their victim, such as marriage or children, their true colours show.

Is this pregnancy a complete surprise? Is your new partner the person responsible for contraception in your relationship?

I realise I may come across as alarmist. Obviously I know nothing about you or your partner, so this is just something for you to consider.

As to your sons and your ex, I think their feelings shouldn't have any bearing whatsoever on what you decide to do with your life. You aren't responsible for how they feel and nor is it your duty to keep them happy.

Speaking as someone with an abusive ex I can tell you from my experience that no matter what your ex says or does, his real nature will become apparent to your children eventually.

I don't think 39 is too old to have a baby at all.

Seanymph

Only you can choose.

If you choose, alone, and without considering other people, then whatever you do you will settle with, and be able to live with.

If you allow ANYONE to influence you, even through your own guilt - then you may not settle so well to what you have chosen.

Give yourself a couple of days, and think only of yourself - and choose for you.

Toooldforthis

Morning ... I don't know how to quote but Dyllan0 I think you are right !!! I'm also scared of going through the whole thing all over again !!! Lollipopsarah I'm am only just pregnant not even 6 weeks yet
Conradmum thank you for your reply and no he's not like that at all ... But you never really know anyone else people would never split up.. I have taken a massive leap of faith to get involved with someone but I am much stronger now than I've been in a long long time