Help !

Toooldforthis

Ok where do I start ... Left an abusive controlling marriage a couple of years ago after my ex was unfaithful for about the 50th time !!! and my two sons (15 & 17) decided to stay with their dad ... I haven't seen them for 9 months his choice not mine I would see them everyday if I could by they are happy with him and he has done an excellent job of turning them against me I cry most weeks and have tried everything to see them
I met a new partner about a year ago who is a lovely lovely man ... Spanner in the works I've just found out I'm pregnant (39) and yes I did ask myself how ?!?!? .... Would I be a totally idiot to carry on with it bearing inind my age and what's happened with my sons ... Bit rambling I know sorry

DylanO

If you want to continue then you can. You're not too old, and nor are you unworthy because of what your ex-husband did. If you want to continue then do it for the right reasons, and equally, if you don't, do that for the right reasons too. Don't let your past define your future.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

whitewing

You are not too old for the baby. Don't let your past relationship stop you from moving forward happily.

Have you discussed the situation with the father?

meritaten

Congratulations! or Commiserations.
Hun - Leaving your boys out of the equation.......how do you really feel about a baby?
Your age is neither here nor there, many women have children at this age and you are not exactly in your dotage are you?
I am not going to say it will be easy - but, you and your partner must discuss this together and decide what you will do. many many people start a second family in their late thirties or forties - it is not unusual these days.
I think you have to look to your own happiness hun - and do what your heart tells you.

Toooldforthis

Thanks for reply
Father very much would like children but is leaving it to me due to my mental state

claire16c

Perhaps it could be a fresh new start for you. 39 is not old at all!

Dont let your ex ruin something that could potentially be amazing.

But like Dylan said, dont let it influence you either way.

I_wanna_live_for_free

39 isn't old at all. I'm 4 years older than you and if I found myself pregnant (having re-married 4 years ago) I would be jumping for joy.

Look to the future, and your positive relationship.

I hope that in time your boys come back to you xx

amyloofoo

Clear your mind of thoughts about your ex, your sons, your current partner, your age and anything else. Now think of yourself with a new baby; what's your gut reaction? I think that should tell you whether you really want this child or not, don't let the other factors decide for you. After all those years of hell you're now in a position where you can make the best choice for yourself, take advantage of that or you will only regret the decision you make later.

All the best with whatever decision you make *hugs*

Toooldforthis

Thank you all for replying ... I suppose I'm scared bout starting all over again and don't ever want my sons to think ive replaced them (does that make sense??)

amyloofoo

Toooldforthis wrote: »

Thank you all for replying ... I suppose I'm scared bout starting all over again and don't ever want my sons to think ive replaced them (does that make sense??)

Of course it makes sense and showing that you care so much about how your sons feel just demonstrates that you're good mother and will continue to be a good mother whether you have 2 children or 3.

Your sons are now very close to being grown ups themselves and are soon going to face some difficult decisions of their own. They may well say unpleasant things now (particularly if they're being influenced by their father) but in the end you show them that they've not been 'replaced' by your actions, not a clever argument or pandering to their selfish demands.

It's natural to be scared, and it's not wrong to admit if you don't want this either. But if you do want this child and to start a family with your new partner, then neither your ex nor your children are really in a position to stop it (nor should they be).

Toooldforthis

Again thank you for reply
I swing from yep let's do this ( he won't admit it but new partner would love me to ) to OMG how would I cope being an older mum say being 50 with a child just going to high school !!! wish I had a crystal ball sometimes !!!
We also have no "backup" all family lives at least 40 mins away so it really would be me & him !