Right to temporary custody of son whilst Mother is absent from UK

Toomuchdebt

I would ask myself why she feels the need to spirit him away in the first place and why the access was so little. I have always allowed my kids dads(yes 2 of them, one marriage one long term relationship)access whenever they liked, even abroad.I would only limit access if there was a problem. My friend's ex husband has been granted 3 hours a week unsupervised, and that was after domestic violence, so there must be something more that you're not telling us.

fluffnutter

Davey0001 wrote: »

I appreciate that it is potentially damaging in a minor way - but I have to think that me not taking action is much much worse.
My boy needs his Dad.
I would prefer that my ex understood this, but she doesn't. She would rather see our son go without his father than allow me access. She is doing this for personal gain and pure spite. All too common whilst the law remains firmly on the wrong side of the moral and ethical line.

In order to get things righted I feel I need to take drastic steps.

Remember - she is taking him away for a year.

What steps would you take to have access to your own child whilst another person was spiriting them away?

Does it? I don't doubt that the thought of your son moving abroad for a year is an horrific one. Nor do I disagree that kids need their dads.

But why have you only been granted one hour's access per month with your son? Why do you not seem to know whether this is supervised or not? Until people understand this they're going to be suspicious...

Davey0001

Cafcass conducted a 'Wants and Wishes' report with my son. He told them he wanted to see me but was a bit frightened about it. IMO Mother responsible for that end bit.
So Cafcass said that initial contact should be for an hour with supervision.
The first 3 meetings were then agreed.
I took this to mean that ALL meetings were to be supervised.
I have just found out from my Barrister that this is not at all what Cafcass said.
So YES - all meetings so far have been supervised but NO - this has not been at the courts direction.
I was in the words of my Barrister "Bamboozled by the Mother" re the Cafcass report.
Clearly contact should have been increasing dramatically over the last 6 months - but it hasn't.
I have been hoping that increased contact would take place - but now as soon as this possibilty is on the horizon my ex has decided she's moving abroad for a year.

My relationship with my son is becoming very good and I am desperate to spend a day with him - taking him to the cinema, the zoo, the football etc. I would dearly love an overnight stay. I am taking this to court in 2 weeks. But she is still going to take him away.

I think that although it may be unsettling for my son that I go and get him for 10 days - in the long term it will be in the best interests for our relationship.

I love my son. I want to see him. There are no demons. There is nothing I'm not telling you.

Gigglepig

Davey0001 wrote: »

I appreciate that it is potentially damaging in a minor way - but I have to think that me not taking action is much much worse.
My boy needs his Dad.
I would prefer that my ex understood this, but she doesn't. She would rather see our son go without his father than allow me access. She is doing this for personal gain and pure spite. All too common whilst the law remains firmly on the wrong side of the moral and ethical line.

In order to get things righted I feel I need to take drastic steps.

Remember - she is taking him away for a year.

What steps would you take to have access to your own child whilst another person was spiriting them away?

In answer to your question, I'd get legal advice, continue to apply for court orders, write birthday cards and send presents, call them once a week. And keep a log of it so that I would be able to show them when they become an adult that the lack of relationship was not because I did not care or did not try.

A year abroad may be a great opportunity also for your son. People travel and work abroad all the time, it isn't like she's abusing him or putting him in danger.

The idea of going there to basically kidnap him despite a court order, and that you are trying to justify to yourself 'taking drastic measures' - it is scary. I don't know you at all, but to me statements like that comes across as someone who could be somewhat unbalanced and/or focused on themselves rather than their son.

I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear. I'm sure you are trying to be a good dad and perhaps you have not reflected on how you come across.

Who knows what your ex may think? If I were you I think I'd also be brutally honest with myself and soul search what you may have said and done to make your ex so weary of you, and possibly see a counsellor as well as legal advice.

FBaby

I'm confused too. You say in your initial post that are stuck in an access battle for one year, yet you say you didn't have contact before. Does this mean that you walked away for whatever time and then suddenly decided that you wanted contact with your child again? For you to have only been granted an hour a month, your relationship with your son must have been almost non existant to start with.

What is the reason for the mother to be so overprotective and spiteful?

Davey0001

I began with contact when he was very little. I would see him twice a week.
Then one day after 6 months of this, I arrived and asked that I now be allowed to take him away for the day. She called the police, had me thrown out and then blocked access.
My mother continued seeing him monthly for about a year and then this contact was abruptly stopped. My mother went to the house at the arranged time for 6 months until she gave up.
I continued to write to her requesting access but she never responded. I sent letters and cards and presents.
I had to move away for a period of time, and I have to admit that I was so frustrated with the situation that I didn't take it to court when I should have done.
I then really ramped up the letters sending 2 a month for a year. Still no response from the ex. So I took it to a solicitor and we requested Family Mediation. She didn't respond. So we then had to take it to court. This led to Wants and Wishes Cafcass report and then to 1 hour a month.
That's it.
I admit I should have taken this to court much earlier. But I've now been in court for a year and basically have nothing.

Davey0001

And also - my Barrister doesn't know why contact is so little.
In all honesty I was alright with taking things slowly, I was unaware that the ex had this 'removal from custody' up her sleeve.
Now I can see I've been stitched up.

FBaby

Davey0001 wrote: »

I admit I should have taken this to court much earlier. But I've now been in court for a year and basically have nothing.

Your answer lies here. Whatever the reasons why you didn't take it to court sooner, the results are there. You have had no contact with your child for about 7 years. Your child doesn't know you. 6 supervised visits doesn't make for a relationship and your son doesn't need you now more than he did when he was 2 or 3 years old.

The fact that you are considering taking your son for 10 days is extremely selfish and can only result in him wanting nothing at all to do with you forever. He is reaching the age when his wishes will be taken into consideration. Remember, it is not about what YOU want, but what is best for your child.

Accept that you failed him by waiting so long to do all in your power to reastablished contact and therefore accept that it will take time with a lot of hard work against you. How far is your ex moving? Can you agree to go and visit there once a month? Whatever you do, don't give your ex, even less your son, a good reason to stop contact for good.

fluffnutter

Sometimes it can be difficult to fight your corner against someone incredibly manipulative. You say you've been 'bamboozled' a number of times, and, tbh, this does come across actually.

You say you were expecting the visits to increase but in six months they haven't done so. How long were you going to wait? Six months? A year? Six years? You say that only the first visit needed to be supervised yet you then made an assumption about further visits and it took you ages to challenge this. You really need to get your arse in gear about all of this and stick up for yourself. What's your solicitor doing in all this? They seem as vague as you do.

I appreciate that his mother holds many of the cards, but this is your son we're talking about. Why have you been so passive? You need to be far more on the ball about everything. And get some different legal representation - yours sounds useless.

Edit: just read through the posts and in particular Fbaby's post above. Basically, she's right... it's no surprise to find yourself in this weak position when you've not seen your son for 7 years. As you say, he needs his dad. Where were you? TBH, you've got a long way to go before you get the kind of relationship you want, and only yourself to blame for leaving it for so long.

Davey0001

I must point out that I have been proactively seeking to gain contact for 3 years now. And my son was 2 when the original contact was broken by the Mother and I continued with contact of sorts via my mother for another year after that.
I didn't run off for 7 years.
I did lose hope for a while in the middle though.

Plus.. I am trying to be reasonable about things, wheras I feel the ex is using every dirty trick available.