Really Personal Thread about Sex

ktb

My OH and I have very different sex drives and we have therefore agreed to keep communication on the subject very open and honest. I have a hormone imbalance & endometriosis which have greatly affected my libido and can impact my enjoyment of sex. To be honest, at times sex itself can often not even occur to me for days/weeks at a time without a gentle reminder!

But having learnt from past experience, I firmly believe sexual intimacy is the lifeblood of a successful relationship and have made sure that my OH will flag to me when he is feeling frustrated with sorting himself out and we'll deal with it together one way or another I am also very honest with him when I am really not interested, which he completely respects as he knows that sex has been given a priority status in our relationship and it's not off the table long term.

This also means that I don't have to withdraw all the other lovely intimacies like kissing and cuddling for fear that he'll expect it to go further - I actually think that this incredibly common in relationships where sex drives differ and you are on very dangerous ground.

In a previous relationships I didn't have this open communication and an awful lot of resentment and disappointment built up over the years. I also think the person with the lesser libido totally dictating proceedings is asking for trouble personally and finding someone with a perfectly matching libido is the 'Hollywood' version of a relationship therefore the reality is that relationships are all about compromise... so you need to communicate find a balance or resolution, that whilst is may not be absolutely what you want, is doable for both of you long term without negativity building up and infecting an otherwise good union.

parsnipnose

14 no if's no buts

NAR

Judi wrote: »

Twice on a weekend and three times if he's at home midweek.

Well I could come and visit midweek if needed! :A

j.e.j.

atlantis187 wrote: »

What's the average no. Of days couples should have sex in a week to keep the relationship healthy?

I'm not sure if 'should' comes into it. It makes it sound like a chore. Oh I really 'should' get that pile of washing done, etc :rotfl: I have heard or read somewhere that the average is 2 or 3 times a week, but it must depend on so many factors (age/health/lifestyle/individual's libido)

Btw slightly off topic but that reminds me. Has anyone done that ice-breaker at work, where you write down your least favourite household task and why you hate doing it.

You then replace the "I hate (doing said chore) because.." with "I hate sex because.."

Someone next to me hated cleaning the loo. Hers came out as I hate sex because.. it's dirty smelly and boring.

Mado

Like most have said, there isn't a "recommended" amount.

But it doesn't bode well for you as a couple if you have to ask strangers on the internet what is right for you.

It depends on many things. But I also think that you shouldn't believe all you read/hear about other people's sex lives.

dizsiebubba

parsnipnose wrote: »

14 no if's no buts

But not with your OH surely??? Last week you were going to get them followed by a PI... if you are doing it 14 times a week where do they fit in the time to cheat??? What a machine...

System

NAR wrote: »

Well I could come and visit midweek if needed! :A

That is so selfless of you but no thanks, its a cross i have to bear alone.

alleycat`

Judi wrote: »

That is so selfless of you but no thanks, its a cross i have to bear alone.

*ahem* You could make money on the internet doing that...

ALIBOBSY

Its that "how long is a peice of string" type question really. Its about having open communication and ensuring you reach a point between both of you where noone feels pressured into doing things and noone feels deprived. Sometimes its about quality not quantanty and thinking outside the ahem "box" so to speak. You can have physical closeness and sexual contact without it always being full penetration.

The thing is it also changes over time. When we first moved intogether I wanted it more than him and we were doing it 4 or 5 times a day until we had our first child. After 4 kids we are happy once or twice a week with sometimes other "stuff" so to speak inbetween.

The point is to communicate and work it out between yourselves.

Ali x

coinxoperated

Surely you just do it when you want too!!

Planning is for pecimists!