Care of older parents? Any advice....

Mojisola

azzabazza wrote: »

Mojisola, some assessments have been made but it is very difficult when Mum says she does not require help. At the moment she can shower, cook and make a cup of tea. However, things are changing quite rapidly and this is why the family will have to step in soon. Not a situation any of us is looking forward to.

I do understand because I've been through this with my parents. They sat in assessments saying "Oh, we manage doing x, y and z between us. We're fine." I got past that by saying "Didn't you have problems last week when x happened and didn't you have to ask the neighbour to help because you couldn't manage y."

As I gave examples of actual things that had happened, the SS soon caught on and started to ask more precise questions which revealed the truth about the things they were struggling with.

It's a common thing for older people to under-estimate their problems. None of us like to think we're unable to look after ourselves.

daska

I would suggest two things for immediate action. The first is to keep a diary of phone calls/ events so that if you speak to SS you can give them a clear idea of the nature/ frequency of the problems they are encountering. If you can get your father to keep one as well that would be even better. The second is to speak with SS about your father having a life-line (unfortunately, as your mother declines, she might well forget what it is she is wearing and take it off which rather defeats the purpose of having it).

Best wishes to you, dementia is tough on the whole family.

amyloofoo

daska wrote: »

I would suggest two things for immediate action. The first is to keep a diary of phone calls/ events so that if you speak to SS you can give them a clear idea of the nature/ frequency of the problems they are encountering. If you can get your father to keep one as well that would be even better. The second is to speak with SS about your father having a life-line (unfortunately, as your mother declines, she might well forget what it is she is wearing and take it off which rather defeats the purpose of having it).

Best wishes to you, dementia is tough on the whole family.

I think this is really good advice. If your father is able and willing to stay at home and help with his wife's care at the moment then it's vital he has a way to contact the relevant people in an emergency. Unfortunately if he has a fall, etc, your mother may become unable to help as her condition deteriorates, so it's important that he's able to contact the emergency services without her assistance.

All the best to you and your family, hope you find a resolution that everyone's happy with.