How to help partner with weight loss psycological issues

mrsrwallace

I can only add my opinion from my personal experience of previously being obese. My weight gain was the result of a sedentary lifestyle and eating junk food. I despised what I saw in the mirror every day and instead of doing something about it I ate more. So the cycle of self-loathing and comfort eating continued and eventually spiralled out of control until I was asked by a neighbour when my baby was due! Comments from my family and other "do-gooders" to try and make me lose weight only spurred me on to eat more. The desire to lose weight HAS to come from within the person themselves and I know others tried to help me but I had to help myself. So I think it is good that you are supportive but I think you should step back, when or if your partner wants to lose weight she will do it.
I lost my weight with a slimming group and it took a few years but I got there but I have to say just so that you are aware of it, even if your partner loses the weight she may still be left with the same issues she has now. Some people think you lose the weight and everything is hunky-dory and for some it is but I know myself that I will always have personal issues about my appearance even now that I am a healthy BMI. I still despise what I see in the mirror and am full of self-loathing, it's easy to hide in front of others but is constantly there in my head. So maybe if I were you I'd leave it up to your partner, I wouldn't even talk about her weight to her. You say you love her - well that's all she needs from you, just be there for her and love her. If she wants to lose weight she can go to a slimming group, a gym or a personal trainer, even her GP is equipped to advise on weight. So your role is not to be her mentor or nutritionist, just be yourself and hopefully she will get to where she wants to be knowing you love her as she is.

cottonhead

I think its really great that you are so supportive and have come on here to look for advice on how to help your wife. Especially if she has a weight issue and you dont ( so many slim people just think its easy to lose weight by cutting down on food but it not that simple).
I am overweight and my husband hates it. I wish I could lose weight but I just cant seem to stick at it. I agree with what some other posters have said in here. Losing weight is simple - take on less calories than you need - sticking to it is really really hard. Its not the not knowing how to lose weight its the being able to keep up the good work.
Doing it gradually is the best way becauae your wife needs to make lifestyle changes. A quick fix diet will help her lose weight but she will put it back on if she then returns to her bad ways. Could you do some sort of sport together ? Join a gym as a couple or just go for a brisk walk together every night. I would suggest keeping a written diary of what she eats each day - be really honest though. Then its easier to see where she might be going wrong and it really makes you stop in your tracks when you know you have to confess in your book that you are about to munch a chocolate bar!
The other point is that ost people over eat for a reason and until that trigger is sorted the over eating will probably carry on. Is she stressed at work or does she have low self confidence or maybe she just gets bored ? I find I over eat when I am feeling stressed or sad - its my way of treating myself. I also eat in secret as I know my husband hates my weight gain so when I know I will be alone I eat 10 times more. Its my guilty pleasure. On the reverse side I know its making my health suffer so in a way I see over eating as a real addiction. At the moment I am making one small change at a time. Starting by cutting out fizzy drinks. Perhaps encourage your wife to make one small change rather than 'go on a diet'. Even the word diet makes you feel down as though you are denying yourself !!
Keep up with the support though thats just what she needs and make sure to compliment even the smallest achievement as that will spur her on.

Gigglepig

Exercise is useful, but if she is overweight the diet she currently has clearly does not work - so chances are she'll need to change that too.

Savvy_Sue

One thing you could do, rather than suggesting she goes out running with you and getting annoyed that she won't, is to say that you are going for a walk, and would she like to come? Walking can be just as effective as running for getting fit, and is certainly easier to start with.

However, you need to get the timing right and you might need to experiment. Doing it once the evening meal has reached a critical stage isn't going to work.

Tobster86

Thanks for everyone's help & advice. I'm going to let things settle down a bit and then suggest wii zumba; we discussed this a while back anyway.

I have taken in what everyone has said about exercise, but upon analysing our diet (we both cook and buy good quality food; generally high protien, high veg, moderate fat, low carbs) I really feel that a rise in physical activity is what's required.

We have a two week holiday to Poland coming up which is usually a good kick-start to this, spending entire days swimming in lakes and walking in forests. It's also to visit her parents which is a positive thing.

arbroath_lass

Can I just add,as a fat woman, that "more of you to love" is not at all helpful. "I love you" is enough. Don't even add, "just the way you are".

BTW If she enjoys walking and swimming then why are you suggesting running?

Taadaa

Coming onto this a bit late really. Is there any way you can suggest a different approach, such as reading up on reasons for overeating? I used to do every sily faddy diet going, but have been far happier since thinking about these issues. The happier she is, the less likely she is to use food as an emotional crutch.

A word of warning re exercise. I did a lot pre pregnancy. Spin, body combat, pilates, running, modern and ballroom dance, zumba, horse riding, amounting to 7-8 hours a week. Made me eat more - didn't lead to any weight loss, only inch loss.

piglet74

i have to agree with the suggestion that you might consider trying the Slimming World plan...

i can vouch for it, it does work, in 11 months i have gone from 18.1 to 11.12 :j

i do exercise also tho, walking every day, one circut class and water aerobics once or twice a week,

tho i have built up to that, at the start i only walked 15 mins or so a day and build up on this

it was a slow walk, a stroll almost, but it got me started, and i built on it (easy walking 5 / 7 miles daily now)

dont run before you can walk, so to speak, if your OH wants to loose weight then starting with a run may not be the nest idea just yet,

like others said a short walk, the Wii maybe,

but the SW plan is fantastic, the only one single thing i have totally cut out is white bread, and the only lifestyle change i have made is got active

good luck to you both

mrs.b_6

There's a very simple equation;

EAT LESS + EXERCISE MORE = LOSE WEIGHT

But then there's the emotional, psychological and physical elements to go in there as well!

System

In regards to calories counting my bf and i have both started using the food and exercise diary on myfitnesspal.com and it helps to have a breakdown of what we've been eating and to see how much is in everything-it has a pretty extensive database too.

Exercise wise he has taken up cycling and i have taken up swimming. At first i was ery very self concious (i'm a size 18/20) but once i got there and in the pool i realised nobody cared. There were people of all shapes and sizes there. I'm now doing it 3 times a week.