Every day dilemma...!

HeadAboveWater

Well, the new phone has settled in rather well Battery doing ok considering how often I pick it up to mess around on it!! ha ha Gave my old phone to mum on Saturday and she gave me £20 for it! Told her I didn't want nor was expecting anything, but as she said, she'd have had to pay Orange to unlock her phone anyway so she'd rather the money go to me than them. Couldn't say no then!!

Saturday was a spendy day. Did go to visit mum which was long over due. Nice to spend the afternoon with her. And as above I was £20 up!

BUT...

...had told OH I would cook dinner for us, seeing as we don't 'do' Val's day. He'd had a bacon and thyme sauce the last time we were out for dinner and it was really yum. So I googled! Said I would make it, and asked what meat he wanted: steak. Stopped at the butchers on my way to mums and decided I'd splash out on sirloins (if you're cooking dinner you gotta do it right, right?! ) Almost £11 for 2 sirloins! :eek::eek: They were about 10oz each so yes they were huge!! Cooked to perfection. Melted in the mouth. And the sauce was absolutely gorgeous! Will def be making that one again (Think this was the recipe I used for the sauce (minus the mushrooms obviously! ))

Girls had been having a bit of a weekend regarding their mum unfortunately, so me and OH took them to Bentleys on Sunday for hot chocolates to distract them and try to cheer them up. Coffee's are always me paying, but thankfully my loyalty card was full so got one free OH paid for the pizzas last night!

Thought today was going to be spendy but not so! :j Number 7!!

Have booked myself in for a full leg wax on Wednesday (:eek:) so there goes most of this weeks budget in one go!

HeadAboveWater

This is my 2000th post I'm now officially a...

Fantastically Fervent MoneySaving Super Fan

Still loving my new phone so I'm happy with that spend!!

Bit of a week with OHs ex causing upset, but just have to deal with everything together as best we can. I just want to be there for the girls (and OH!) as much as I can.

Leg wax was S.O.R.E. :eek:

Claimed my first £10 voucher from Valued Opinions today so well pleased with that!! :j

Sold 2 items on fleabay which is great

Today is NSD #8/12 for February :T (posted fleabay items but buyer already paid for p&p!)

Next week is payday! :D

Hope everyone doing ok!

*Robin*

:T :T Congratulations on becoming Fantastically Fervent and Super, HAW! :T :T

HeadAboveWater

Thanks Robin

It's Friday afternoon and I'm looking forward to a weekend full of un-planned stuff!!

Have had a tough week with all that's going on with the girls, but only hope that we all come out stronger at the end of it all :)

Getting low on available funds until payday, so was able to transfer the interest from my Halifax Reward account and withdraw from Paypal today to keep me going. Plus mum paid for lunch which was a bonus :D

*rant* (sorry!!)

Was keeping an eye on a thread for the last couple of days. It was one that is very relevant to what is going on with OHs DDs at the minute, and I hoped that I'd maybe find some information that may have been helpful to our situation. I posted a comment saying that it was good to hear things from different perspectives, and that it had given me a lot to think about... and I got shot down!!!

There was nothing in my post which was directed at any particular post or poster, nor did I say anything for or against anyones comments.

I'm actually totally gutted that someone pounced on me like that! I've read threads before where an OP has asked a genuine question and they've had all sorts of comments fired at them. There's times I want to either post a question myself, or else comment in answer to the OP, but scared to in case I get slated too! It has put me off posting quite a number of times - which isn't right!

People come on this board for advice and support. Yes I know that things aren't always black and white, and I appreciate that everyone has different ideas and opinions (hence the benefit of having an open forum), but I really do wish that people would stop being quite so attacking in their responses!

*rant over*

Lots to think about this weekend. Looking forward to going home and spending time with OH and the girls in a couple hours :)

Hope you all have a fab weekend! Ciao for now :hello:

The_Dragon

Humph rant away HAW - as you say people are on these threads for help 99% of the time and if all you basically said was "thanks" then why shoot you down (Dragon start stoking the flame to get back at the nasties that upset our HAW!)

HeadAboveWater

Thanks for your comment Dragon (and for stopping by! :wave:) Appreciate it

please-let-me-be-lucky

Aw Hun you definitely did not deserve that! I think that their own guilt and insecurities made their response so attacking, not your post as such.

You may or may not know, but I'm the daughter of an alcoholic father who drank himself to death at age 50. He turned to alcohol as a self medicating thing after being ill for years with M.E and it quickly spiralled out of control. I was in my early 20's and my sister was about 16/17 so we were older than your OH's girls. My Mum left Dad when I was pregnant with DS1 at age 25 and Dad was dead 2 years later due to liver failure. He'd been through rehab etc and had been told 'one more drink and you die'. He chose not to believe them and he paid the ultimate price.

Throughout everything, even while pregnant and then with a young baby, I ran round after him picking up the pieces. He rang me in the middle of the night hallucinating, he called me names and belittled my DH and he got into trouble with the police. He introduced me to the world of probation officers and I was completely ashamed by his behaviour. At times I hated him but I still kept helping him, as I wouldn't have forgiven myself for not helping.

Before he died, he was in hospital for 7 weeks and I got my Dad back. He was sober and apologised for what he had done. We made friends again and in some ways that made it harder when he died. I spoke at his funeral and felt at peace. Personally I would never have considered not attending his funeral, even when all the bad stuff was going on.

Your girls have to do what is best for them. You need to protect them and keep them safe until such time that they are adult to do it themselves. You need to wipe tears when they undoubtedly ask why they are not enough to stop their Mum from drinking, but you must never tell them which way to deal with her. It's up to them to include or exclude her as they see fit, or they won't achieve peace themselves Xx

*Robin*

Hi HAW, :hello:

Can see why you got upset about that over-the-top response on the other thread. From their first post on it, did you spot:

Sorry if anyone finds this upsetting. I may try to read the thread later, but I don't think I can right now. It will either upset me or just make me mad.

..Looks like you inadvertently got in the way of their [STRIKE]gu[/STRIKE] true feelings.
Therefore; not your problem - couldn't see anything in your post directed at that particular poster.
However the quote above does contain a sort-of pre-emptive apology - so hope you can forget it :think: after noting that this is one possible knock-on effect of having an alcoholic parent. Sad.

Excellent comment from Be Lucky. :A

Rxx

HeadAboveWater

Hi PLMBL and Robin! :wave:

Thank you soooooooooooo much for sharing your story PLMBL. That must have been so tough for you, and over such a long period of time too.

please-let-me-be-lucky wrote: »

Before he died, he was in hospital for 7 weeks and I got my Dad back. He was sober and apologised for what he had done. We made friends again and in some ways that made it harder when he died. I spoke at his funeral and felt at peace.

This bit has made me cry! So glad you got your dad back for a while, but unfortunate about the circumstances I do think it's important to feel at peace with things. It just takes time and sometimes it's hard to know which road to follow to be able to find that peace!

Your girls have to do what is best for them. You need to protect them and keep them safe until such time that they are adult to do it themselves. You need to wipe tears when they undoubtedly ask why they are not enough to stop their Mum from drinking, but you must never tell them which way to deal with her. It's up to them to include or exclude her as they see fit, or they won't achieve peace themselves Xx

Thank you :) (*wipes away stray tear again!*)

The weekend past was a good example. DD1 and DD3 didn't want to see their mum, but DD2 did! DD2 was happy to go up town shopping with her mum: yes in a way forgetting the trauma from the previous weekend, but more so happy that she was alive. The other 2 weren't in agreement so emotions were a bit up and down over the last couple of days

please-let-me-be-lucky wrote: »

Aw Hun you definitely did not deserve that! I think that their own guilt and insecurities made their response so attacking, not your post as such.

*Robin* wrote: »

..Looks like you inadvertently got in the way of their [STRIKE]gu[/STRIKE] true feelings.

Yes I did sorta come to that conclusion with a little help from a friend!! Not letting it get to me. Everyone has to deal with things in their own way. Nobody but nobody has any right to judge anyone!

Excellent comment from Be Lucky. :A

Agreed!!!

please-let-me-be-lucky

Glad to be of service, but sorry to make you cry!!

I was worried my previous message would come across as 'sweeping statements' as it's hard without knowing exactly what your girls face with their Mum. In a way though, I DO know exactly what they face if you see what I mean! I did a lot of the 'at least he's still alive' thing (and also the 'it would be better if he wasn't' thing followed by guilt ).

I'd definitely have a look at the al-anon website as there is info for families available which may help Xx