fed up of feeling like a one man band.

bexiboo92

Thanks for the advice.

bargainbetty wrote: »

1. Talk to the man. Show him the figures and facts and explain that it cannot continue as it is. Explain that unless things get sorted out, and he pays his fair share of the bills into an account that is ONLY used for the bills, you will not continue to fight it alone. But do give him a chance to come on board. We have had chats, but maybe I need to be stricter.
2. Set everything up in a new account (in your name), regardless of his reaction, and then hold out your hand for the money. He might be one of those 'agree to shut her up' types, and then keep putting things off. Sadly, you are going to have to take control of this. He does contribute to the bills, I mean his cheque at the end of the month; 95% of that basically goes into the bills. But it's the fact that someone has to sit and pay the council tax online or over the phone, he's never the one to do that.
3. Give him six months to prove he is committed to providing a home for you both, including taking some responsibility for house-keeping, cleaning, sharing financial responsibility etc - ask him to look into changing utility suppliers or something where he can achieve savings for you both.
4. Look very closely at your lease, and see what the options are for getting out of it. Do you have a lease break you could exercise? Do you both have to sign the forms to get out? You could tell him that your parents have refused to be guarantors for the second year, so you will have to surrender the lease and get a new one. Will have a look at some point.
5. Do you have a two bed place, could you get a lodger to help if you did kick him out? You cannot be the one to leave - your parents will get stuck with paying his rent, and possibly for any damage he might cause. - Only a one bedroom. I wouldn't not pay anymore, it's as much my responsibility as it is his. I just wouldn't live here anymore.
6. Focus on clearing stuff out in preparation for a move - ebay things, boot fairs etc. Sell all the old stuff and tell him the money is going towards the debts if he asks.
7. Look at your job, possibly consider a second job where every penny you earn goes into the debt repayment you have to make or a separate account to cover his share of the rent for a few months, should you break up. - Already looking into this or a new job with a better income every single day.
8. Do not take out any shared credit or joint accounts with him. Don't sign your name to anything else.

Good luck, I know it's a tough one. You can love someone, but living with them generally reinforces the differences between people. If he is looking for a mother-figure to take care of him, he needs to grow up, and you are way too young to do it anyway. I'm 37, and I still refuse!

mildredalien

I wonder if he knew you were seriously considering leaving him he would be so dismissive of helping out with managing your finances. Perhaps he has his head firmly in the sand and doesn't realise how serious it is? I'd let him know exactly how you are feeling and the thoughts about leaving you are having - not in a blackmail way, just in a 'this is how things are for me right now' way and see what happens. Maybe he'll shape up! Maybe not, but at least you'd know whether he is willing to listen.

Sambucus_Nigra

bexiboo92 wrote: »

Because I have somewhere to go, he doesn't. And he's in more of a position to pay for the flat than I would be on my own.

I worked that out. However it's your parents as guarantors so he doesn't have to pay a penny and he could still happily live there.

Think 'bigger picture'...

missrlr

OK - you can get this bills management thing licked in a matter of moments. It will save you some hassle now and long term so crack on. You do not need to phone every month to make the CT payment set up a DD. One call done - oh and maybe a form to complete too. You could set up one account just for household bills all on DD and work out the amount needed each month then add to this the right amount each month by DD from your personal account the day or two after pay day, monitor for one month (or each month if you are anal) bob's your uncle and so on. Doesn't matter where you are (single. together, house share) once done you just amend as the bills change and keep the principle going. You are always going to have to pay bills so just make it as simple as possible. Over the years mine has evolved and changed and I now share this with DH. To be fair he had the same principle anyway so was not a culture shock for him!
Right so having sorted the paying bills issue as far as humanly possible have a think about what you want him to do - list what has to be done and then chat about the finances and jobs and who does what. For instance we write the elec and gas readings on the calendar once taken and given to relevant company. Quick and easy to see if was done and when and what it was. No issues no "checking up" just a calendar. I put in reminders for when "due" at the start of the month and that was it.
You may have to educate him as to what needs doing so he has a framework of reference. This may be a complete mystery for him and thus a revelation. Be clear - action has to be taken otherwise I am off.
If it doesn't work you need to get a plan to get out of that relationship and ensure there is no financial issues to you or your parents in doing so. You must make sure you sort the rent termination and he leaves when you do otherwise it may get messy.
A plan will make you feel better, but a talk could be a good idea to make sure you minimize future hassle from it all.

bexiboo92

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

I worked that out. However it's your parents as guarantors so he doesn't have to pay a penny and he could still happily live there.

Think 'bigger picture'...

Whether the relationship works or fails, I wouldn't want to put him in a position where he's homeless.

RAS

bexiboo92 wrote: »

Whether the relationship works or fails, I wouldn't want to put him in a position where he's homeless.

That does not really come into it.

Because your parents are guarantors, your BF can shaft them thoroughly.

You need to go over to the rent and housing forum and ask them for advice on the guarantee your parents signed. A lot of them are duff so you need to know whther BF can stay in the flat for years and your parents have to cough up his rent or whether you can terminate the tenancy.

If you terminate the tenancy, he can ask the LL for a tenancy in his sole name, rather than being homeless.