fed up of feeling like a one man band.

bexiboo92

savingmummy wrote: »

I have to say it sounds like you`ve had enough.
Make sure he knows this is the last straw, if his not willing to make your life easier debtfree then he will continue to live a life struggling with a tail of debt behind him.

Blurgh, I've just had enough of everything to be fair aha

amyloofoo

bexiboo92 wrote: »

He'll pay for stuff but nothing is ever his responsibility if you see what I mean. A fairy magically makes the phone call every month to pay the council tax, phones the bank to check the direct debts for bills have gone out ok, checks to see there's enough money in the account to cover the bills, a fairy magically kept us going for 3-4months despite the claims that we never had any money...

He doesn't see this debt as his; he'll have a hump over it once in a while, but he's not receiving the constant calls, texts, emails, even calls at work

I just want to pay it off for my sake and nothing else anymore.

It sounds like it's time to leave, sorry if it sounds harsh but if he's making you miserable and failing to contribute anything then you'd be happier (and in a better financial position) on your own.

Bella_M_2

If you deal with the money then could you move it to another account and not give him access? If he had to come and ask you for money he would soon realise the value of it. Let him know he can have access to the account when he starts taking responsibility for the way it's run. My husband & I are not financially linked and have seperate bank accounts but the bills are shared ie some in my name, some in his name. All the bills come out of my current account (and off my wages) and by the 15th of each month my hubby has to give me money to get to work and to go out etc. It's frustrating at times but it also means I don't take the mick!!

bexiboo92

amyloofoo wrote: »

It sounds like it's time to leave, sorry if it sounds harsh but if he's making you miserable and failing to contribute anything then you'd be happier (and in a better financial position) on your own.

Hmm. You're not the first person to say that. Just got too many ties to get up one day and decide I'm done

lazy_daisy

This sounds familiar to me too!
Do you really want to still be looking after this man in 60+ years time - I bet he wants you to!
Please - don't waste your youth in this situation, please get free as soon as you can, do it for me as well as you!
I'm not normally bossy like this, or sexist, but men seem quite happy for women to waste their lives looking after them, or to quote Shirley Conran "No man ever cleans his own toilet"!
Grab your life and run!
LD
xxxxx

Vickisaver

bexiboo92 wrote: »

Hmm. You're not the first person to say that. Just got too many ties to get up one day and decide I'm done

I had to respond to this. My ex was like this, although he also incurred the debt without telling me, with me stupidly giving him my pin number and credit card 'for emergencies'.
It got to the point where he wouldn't take responsibility for anything, and refused to discuss things, yet continued to spend (£90 on a pair of jeans when out of work, through a catalogue...then never wore them or returned them as they were the wrong size).
I stayed for much longer than I should have, and incurred debt on my own to support us as he was mostly unemployed (although lied about going to work each day for weeks!!!)
I felt I couldn't afford to live by myself, and kept trying to deal with it, which was the worst decision I have ever made.

It may feel like you have too many ties to leave, but have a real think about it, do you have a friend you could stay with over a weekend and think about things without him there? That can help you decide if the relationship is worth the stresses and issues, and if you decide it is, then good luck, and as suggested above, give him spending money.

Also, I found it really helpful to only work in cash (apart from Direct Debits etc), really stopped overspending.

I really hope this works out for you *hugs*

bexiboo92

Vickisaver wrote: »

I had to respond to this. My ex was like this, although he also incurred the debt without telling me, with me stupidly giving him my pin number and credit card 'for emergencies'.
It got to the point where he wouldn't take responsibility for anything, and refused to discuss things, yet continued to spend (£90 on a pair of jeans when out of work, through a catalogue...then never wore them or returned them as they were the wrong size).
I stayed for much longer than I should have, and incurred debt on my own to support us as he was mostly unemployed (although lied about going to work each day for weeks!!!)
I felt I couldn't afford to live by myself, and kept trying to deal with it, which was the worst decision I have ever made.

It may feel like you have too many ties to leave, but have a real think about it, do you have a friend you could stay with over a weekend and think about things without him there? That can help you decide if the relationship is worth the stresses and issues, and if you decide it is, then good luck, and as suggested above, give him spending money.

Also, I found it really helpful to only work in cash (apart from Direct Debits etc), really stopped overspending.

I really hope this works out for you *hugs*

I'm away for a week at the end of July with family so we'll see then.
It's just too much stuff integrated into one, never expected a relationship to come with so much rubbish (naive i know), as well as debt and feeling trapped in a job

Have read lots of people saying work with cash so I'm going to try this as it's pay day tomorrow!

Thanks for all your support guys x

TakingControl

bexiboo92 wrote: »

Hmm. You're not the first person to say that. Just got too many ties to get up one day and decide I'm done

There are never too many ties My ex helped me rack up £46K of debt and had a similar outlook in life to your partner. One day I had my LBM and had enough and dispite all debt being solely in my name :eek: I upped and left. I am going to be debt free by the end of this year I am still single, house share with a friend but am so much happier, the best if scariest decission I had to make.

missrlr

Use your time out to figure out if you want to stay in this relationship, if you do then how you can make him pay reliably towards the bills AND debt then tell him this is the way it is. Don't run up any more debt. How about an SOA (sticky at top of Forum page) combined with a snowball calculator (Ditto location) and then present it to him. You might also get brave and post it here so you can get more ideas.
Remember you are not alone and yes this is a huge ball and chain but you can succeed. If you decide this is not for you then you need to work out an SOA for you and how you can change your life to make it work. Again you could get brave and post on here.
You need to be strong and it will get better - might feel worse for a while but will get better.

eyeopener2

Your only 20, you shouldn't be miserable at 20! if you don't make a decision to confront him and tell him 'sort yourself out or i'm gone' and be brave enough to follow it through, you will find yourself at 30 even more miserable and in a worse position.

20 and miserable about money and relationships (although we have all be there!) is so wrong.