fed up of feeling like a one man band.

Got_the_t_shirt_2

I haven't posted before but lurked with interest for some time.I just had to reply.Have just got to say to Fed up that this chap sounds like he wants a mother not a partner.Be brave and think now before you are tied down with more debt and kids.Its so much easier as a single adult to change.He either shapes up or ships out!!Sit down, don't nag and explain calmly,how you feel.Don't get furthur in to a destructive relationship or you'll blink,be 30 with 2 /3 kids and £10000 s of debt ,wishing you'd acted sooner.:mad:
Good Luck:A

bexiboo92

eyeopener2 wrote: »

Your only 20, you shouldn't be miserable at 20! if you don't make a decision to confront him and tell him 'sort yourself out or i'm gone' and be brave enough to follow it through, you will find yourself at 30 even more miserable and in a worse position.

20 and miserable about money and relationships (although we have all be there!) is so wrong.

Exactly aha.

It's more the fact we're tied to a flat that is stopping me from the "shape up or I'll walk away" talk..

HeadAboveWater

bexiboo92 wrote: »

Exactly aha.

It's more the fact we're tied to a flat that is stopping me from the "shape up or I'll walk away" talk..

Ok. Try the 'shape up or you'll get kicked out' talk instead

missrlr

how tied? Mortgage? Rent? If rent how long does the lease last for, can you formulate a plan for when the notice move out date is due and work to that?
Mortgage is more of an issue. If it has more than 1 bedroom can you rent to a lodger / get a new flat mate on lease to assist?

bexiboo92

missrlr wrote: »

how tied? Mortgage? Rent? If rent how long does the lease last for, can you formulate a plan for when the notice move out date is due and work to that?
Mortgage is more of an issue. If it has more than 1 bedroom can you rent to a lodger / get a new flat mate on lease to assist?

Rented property...both names on tenancy, doesn't run out until next March. Only issue is even if I leave, if the rent ever doesn't get paid, my mum and dad are guarantors on the tenancy.

amyloofoo

bexiboo92 wrote: »

Rented property...both names on tenancy, doesn't run out until next March. Only issue is even if I leave, if the rent ever doesn't get paid, my mum and dad are guarantors on the tenancy.

In which case he needs to leave, not you.

Sounds harsh, but it's the only way to protect your parents and yourself.

Vickisaver

bexiboo92 wrote: »

Rented property...both names on tenancy, doesn't run out until next March. Only issue is even if I leave, if the rent ever doesn't get paid, my mum and dad are guarantors on the tenancy.

I don't know your situation, but can you talk to your parents about this? I was tied in through a jointly owned property and mortgage, felt trapped, and poured my heart out to my mother one evening. She was horrified, and obviously chatted to father about it, and they said they would meet my shortfall until I could get other things sorted out. In the end, I was supported by them for a month before I was able to get a lodger.

While I appreciate I was increadibly lucky, your parents might be able to think of a solution regarding the tenancy.

bexiboo92

Vickisaver wrote: »

I don't know your situation, but can you talk to your parents about this? I was tied in through a jointly owned property and mortgage, felt trapped, and poured my heart out to my mother one evening. She was horrified, and obviously chatted to father about it, and they said they would meet my shortfall until I could get other things sorted out. In the end, I was supported by them for a month before I was able to get a lodger.

While I appreciate I was increadibly lucky, your parents might be able to think of a solution regarding the tenancy.

Going to try! It's bit of a funny area unfortunately, they lent us the money to get into this flat so feel a bit weird about telling them things aren't as brilliant as they seem.

Mum would understand, but dad wouldn't.

eyeopener2

I think you'd surprised about how supportive parents can be. Your Dad might go down the "told you so" route (it's what Dads do) but I doubt any parent wants their daughter to be miserable.
All of us tend to think the worst in any situation, but sometimes it works out just fine.

bexiboo92

eyeopener2 wrote: »

I think you'd surprised about how supportive parents can be. Your Dad might go down the "told you so" route (it's what Dads do) but I doubt any parent wants their daughter to be miserable.
All of us tend to think the worst in any situation, but sometimes it works out just fine.

Not sure how to phrase this, but my dad doesn't see things how other people would. It's all very black and white with him. And the fact money's involved makes everything worse.
I'm not saying he wouldn't have me back, but it'd be very awkward and put more strain on an already strained relationship.