fed up of feeling like a one man band.

HeadAboveWater

eyeopener2 wrote: »

I think you'd surprised about how supportive parents can be.

Exactly! They are your family, and while you may get a mixed response, you will get their support.

If you know one parent will understand more than the other, maybe try talking to them first?

I was with my (idiot) bf for 6 years despite plenty of warnings from family and friends. Nobody took to him at all. I'd been living with him for a couple of years and held off breaking up for fear of being on my own, fear of what my family would say, and fear of having nowhere to go. As it turned out, my sister (the least likely of them all), was the one who gave me a bed. I didn't get an 'I told you so'. I just got the support I needed. They were all there for me.

You do what's right for YOU and keep make sure YOU are happy

HeadAboveWater

bexiboo92 wrote: »

Not sure how to phrase this, but my dad doesn't see things how other people would. It's all very black and white with him. And the fact money's involved makes everything worse.
I'm not saying he wouldn't have me back, but it'd be very awkward and put more strain on an already strained relationship.

Crossed posts! Ditto! Although it's my mum who's living from centuries ago and in black and white, not my dad. I know where you're coming from. PM me if you want to chat. x

bexiboo92

Update:

Went and had a chat with my mum this afternoon. Hinted at moving back home and she said she'd definitely have me back and as would my dad apparently. Very reassuring.

She doesn't see why I'm with my OH, don't think she likes him much to be fair.

She also bailed me out as one of my accounts went over its over draft, so she's saved me some charges.

Gemini33

Sounds like the Investment of a rather large cod is a good idea, plus a slap on his face sounds overdue!

All the best

bexiboo92

Gemini33 wrote: »

Sounds like the Investment of a rather large cod is a good idea, plus a slap on his face sounds overdue!

All the best

Best.image.ever.!

BlushingRose

An ex decided (when living with me on little money) that instead of putting our last £10 on the gas meter (heating and cooking) he'd go out and spend it going to a local football match.

bouncydog1

You don't have to to be phoning the bank etc. Get access to internet banking and set up a spreadsheet with everything logged on it. Check the bank each day (takes 5 mins once you are organised) so you can monitor the accounts.

This will take a bit of the stress away for the moment. Then you can at least decide what you want to do. If you were my daughter I would be suggesting that you look at when you can vacate the tenancy and start making plans for then.

Sambucus_Nigra

bexiboo92 wrote: »

Update:

Went and had a chat with my mum this afternoon. Hinted at moving back home and she said she'd definitely have me back and as would my dad apparently. Very reassuring.

She doesn't see why I'm with my OH, don't think she likes him much to be fair.

She also bailed me out as one of my accounts went over its over draft, so she's saved me some charges.

Why didn't you discuss him moving out and you staying in the flat?

Have a closer look at the lease; is there any wriggle room to get out early?

bargainbetty

Without jumping on the 'dump him' bandwagon, I'm going to condense it down...

1. Talk to the man. Show him the figures and facts and explain that it cannot continue as it is. Explain that unless things get sorted out, and he pays his fair share of the bills into an account that is ONLY used for the bills, you will not continue to fight it alone. But do give him a chance to come on board.
2. Set everything up in a new account (in your name), regardless of his reaction, and then hold out your hand for the money. He might be one of those 'agree to shut her up' types, and then keep putting things off. Sadly, you are going to have to take control of this.
3. Give him six months to prove he is committed to providing a home for you both, including taking some responsibility for house-keeping, cleaning, sharing financial responsibility etc - ask him to look into changing utility suppliers or something where he can achieve savings for you both.
4. Look very closely at your lease, and see what the options are for getting out of it. Do you have a lease break you could exercise? Do you both have to sign the forms to get out? You could tell him that your parents have refused to be guarantors for the second year, so you will have to surrender the lease and get a new one.
5. Do you have a two bed place, could you get a lodger to help if you did kick him out? You cannot be the one to leave - your parents will get stuck with paying his rent, and possibly for any damage he might cause.
6. Focus on clearing stuff out in preparation for a move - ebay things, boot fairs etc. Sell all the old stuff and tell him the money is going towards the debts if he asks.
7. Look at your job, possibly consider a second job where every penny you earn goes into the debt repayment you have to make or a separate account to cover his share of the rent for a few months, should you break up.
8. Do not take out any shared credit or joint accounts with him. Don't sign your name to anything else.

Good luck, I know it's a tough one. You can love someone, but living with them generally reinforces the differences between people. If he is looking for a mother-figure to take care of him, he needs to grow up, and you are way too young to do it anyway. I'm 37, and I still refuse!

bexiboo92

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Why didn't you discuss him moving out and you staying in the flat?

Have a closer look at the lease; is there any wriggle room to get out early?

Because I have somewhere to go, he doesn't. And he's in more of a position to pay for the flat than I would be on my own.