A bit confused. What would you do?

Sambucus_Nigra

mrs_sparrow wrote: »

Seriously, if you do not get it by now I'd give up if I was you. Read the posts, there are not many. I am not 'unhappy' about anything - worried that a child might be coming here when they did not want to be.

See, you assume way too much. Not everyone is like that and is bothered about being missed off the party list. I am not bothered about my daughter not being invited to a make up party, really I am not. My daughter does not know she was invited so she does not care either. It would have been more awkward had she not been busy as the mum would have invited her and the child would have not wanted my DD there. Thankfully, she is busy.

And I am not bothered about looking after her either. Funny enough I am happy to help, if I am not going to be here the mother makes other arrangements easily.

If I was bothered with either of these, I'd not be looking after her now. I'd be finding I had something to do on those nights now and could not do it - easy done really!!

Someone shoot me for giving a damn about a child's feelings and making sure that, if she was not happy, I deal with it properly. What on earth is wrong with that?

I don't know - why don't you just ask your friend if you are so worried? If you weren't bothered, why mention the party? If you weren't bothered about the childcare, why mention that you said you were only doing it until she found someone else. You were unhappy, or 'confused' but you don't seem to know what it is you are actually confused about.

I can only respond to the actual words you are writing. And they are telling me something different to what you are now saying.

mrs_sparrow

Because the mum is having a bad time at the moment, so are the children, I do not want her to feel they have to be with me if they do not want to be and be more miserable.

I mentioned the party because the child lied about inviting my daughter to her mum. So does she lie about coming here too when her mum asks? I'd rather her be honest as I do not want her to feel obliged to and if she wants to go elsewhere. If I tell her mum that I'll not be offended that her child goes somewhere else now she is growing up, if someone else offers then it gives her the option to say yes without worrying if I am offended about it. Simple really. I did nto know how to broach it though, someone has told me, now I know.

I mentioned that do not get paid for it and it is not a job or contract (whatever it is called when you childmind), however, I don't want to blurt stuff out to my friend as she then might think I do not want her child here and get upset about it and feel that she needs to find someone tomorrow. That is so not the case.

THAT is why I mentioned all of these things, there was nothing sinister in it at all.

My real problem is that I worry too much about other peoples feelings in RL. Something I cannot turn on and off no matter how card and horrible I try to be.

Really not bothered about the make up party, my DD is off doing something far more wholesome at church that night. Kids grow up way too quickly these days as it is.

Savvy_Sue

mrs_sparrow wrote: »

If I tell her mum that I'll not be offended that her child goes somewhere else now she is growing up, if someone else offers then it gives her the option to say yes without worrying if I am offended about it. Simple really.

You sound lovely, but honestly, is anyone else likely to offer to do unpaid childcare after school on such a regular basis? I doubt it ...

faerie~spangles

She's not your friend, she's preying on your good nature. As an adult she would have invited your daughter.

mrs_sparrow

faerie~spangles wrote: »

She's not your friend, she's preying on your good nature. As an adult she would have invited your daughter.

Read in full, my friend did invite my daughter and asked whether she was coming - her child, however, did not give mine the invite.

mrs_sparrow

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

You sound lovely, but honestly, is anyone else likely to offer to do unpaid childcare after school on such a regular basis? I doubt it ...

I know loads of other parents that help each other out on a regular basis for nothing. It only becomes an issue if it starts to bother me or it is every day - and it doesn't.

There are thousands of grandparents looking after their kids, sometimes all day, unpaid - are they being taken advantage of too?

Sambucus_Nigra

mrs_sparrow wrote: »

There are thousands of grandparents looking after their kids, sometimes all day, unpaid - are they being taken advantage of too?

Sometimes yes.

mrs_sparrow

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Sometimes yes.

My thoughts too - I've seem comments on here though that it should be their duty to help their children. I know of one woman who had 4 children knowing her mum would be their unpaid childminder and she just took a few months off each time before going back full time long hours - while her mum was steaming about it and telling all and sundry how peed off she was that there was another child on the way as she was hoping for a rest once the toddle had started school. Now that IS being taken advantage of.

1-4 hours a week is not really anything for anyone to be worked up about as long as the person doing it is happy about it though. Think of all the money I am saving the tax payer in Childcare Tax Credits.

Sambucus_Nigra

mrs_sparrow wrote: »

1-4 hours a week is not really anything for anyone to be worked up about as long as the person doing it is happy about it though.

Exactly - hence me asking what the actual issue was.

mrs_sparrow

LOL, I get it now......