RANT ALERT, please tell me I'm not mean!

floss2

Is she jealous because maybe you are having the wedding that she wanted?

serious_saver

Just a thought but are you getting ready at home or in a hotel? If you're at home is there a spare room in the house where her fiance and children could get ready?

If there is why don't you suggest they all come over and she can get them ready and help you?

In my honest oppinon, doing anything inportant by text is a bad idea. With text and email it's very hard to give a tone of voice. You might mean something one way but it can easily come accross another way to the recipient.

You've already given her an ultimatum so give her a few days to think it over and for both of you to calm down. A lot of this (as with many arguements between sisters - I have plenty of those too) seems to be down to mis-understandings so sit down and talk it through properly so you both know what each other expects.

EDIT

. . . . and you're not mean

picklepick

I didn't ask my BM's to pay or do anything for me. I invited them to be my bridesmaids, I would never dream of asking them to pay for anything. It's like giving someone a present only because you think you're going to get something in return. I even planned my own hen do. You said you only arranged for the free stuff for her because she's broke... If she wasn't skint would you have made her pay for it herself?? That's wrong IMO.
What I'm saying is, you seem to begrudge paying for nice hair etc for your sister because you aren't getting something in return.

Also, why does she need to be there to help you get ready? Having 2 children and a fiance to sort out, I don't blame her wanting to get ready with them. I am chief bridesmaid at my sisters wedding next year and I'll be too busy getting myself, my husband and my 10 month old ready to assist her, but I'm sure she won't hold it against me.

To be honest, my BM's didn't need to do anything on the morning of my wedding other than be there to have their hair and make up done, and put their dresses on. I had my hair done, my make up done and my mum helped me get into my dress. It won't take 4 people to 'help' you.

wanchai_2

BTW, why can't the sister's fiance, a grown man of 32, dress himself and the kids???

stir_crazy

wanchai wrote: »

BTW, why can't the sister's fiance, a grown man of 32, dress himself and the kids???

This is what I thought. Surely he can do it, or if he needs help, maybe his parents can help?

White_Sapphire

OP, your sister sounds horrendous!! :eek: I can't believe you've put up with her behaviour for this long, tbh. You're right to sack her as chief bridesmaid; she clearly wants to make the day all about her, and is throwing a tantrum that would shame a two-year-old whenever she's reminded that she's not the centre of attention.

Definitely agree with Wanchai; surely her fiance can look after the children for the morning? My MoH is staying with me the night before and getting ready with me in the morning, and her husband and 16 month-old daughter are coming over in time for the ceremony.

screamer

Wow, some reat replies, thank you ladies.

Idio, whilst I did say "But" I did explain straight after what I meant. I've explained absolutely everything I've said to her but she has twisted so many of my words that if it wasn't written down I wouldn't have known for sure what I'd said in the first place. When she was moaning about the dress I said "well, I know nothing I choose is going to be good enough because as far as I'm concerned you dress like a chav!" and while it was a low blow from me, she responded with "You b!tch, why did you have to bring my weight into it, I've got enough hang ups about my body as it is!" !!!!!!? I said she dresses like a chav, how is that bringing her weight into it? I'm overweight myself, I'm not going to have a dig at my sister about her weight. Clothes yes, there's only so many sequins a 33 year old woman can pull off, but not her weight. And that is just one example how she has twisted EVERYTHIING I've said.

I believe another poster has also done the same. Who said it seemed that I was using a haircut as a way to get my sister to do what I want? That is simply not true. The ACTUAL picture I've picked out for my own hairstyle was the EXACT picture that my sister chose for her hair (darn you google images!) and because I said she couldn't have that she has had nothing but tantrums ever since. I was sorry that she can't have the same style so I asked her to choose some others and I thought we'd reached an agreement but it seems not.

http://www.uniqueweddingideas.co.uk/main/page_hairstyle_gallery.html

4th pic, blonde hair is what I want. This is the suggestion for my sister.

http://yuntoday.info/half-up-half-down-wedding-hairstyles-pony/

Apparently not good enough. She has lovely long, glossy hair and well, I don't, and my OH says that I have "old Lady Hair" when I have my hair downbecause I can't help but tuck it behind my ears. I'm wearing 2 stone of dress, OH insists I wear the full lingerie outfit, I will have to worry about not tripping over my train or other things, the last thing I want to worry about is loose hair. Is that really so difficult to understand and is the brunette hairstyle really so dreadful? Oh, she had a tantrum too about the fact that she'd have had a junior stylist doing her hair because the head stylist was doing my hair. When she wasn't happy with that I booked the head stylist for 2 hours and decided we could all go down there early just so my sister could have her hair done by the chief.

The ONLY thing I have asked my sister to pay for is her shoes, absolutely nothing else, oh and her own hotel room, and even then I did offer to pay the difference between her cheapy hotel and our hotel so she could stay with the wedding party but she turned me down, said it wasn't fair to expect me to pay for everything. What a joke that's turned out to be.

picklepick

I assume you're referring to me when you said I have twisted your words. I haven't. I quoted exactly what you said. "I only bought her free stuff because she said she was broke" That implies that if she wasn't broke, you'd have made her pay.
I also didn't say you were using a haircut to get your sister to do what you want. I said you begrudge her not helping you out because you've given her free stuff, nothing to do with who is having what hairstyle. I'm only making this assumption because you keep making a point that you've paid for everything. Money should have nothing to do with it. I quote "...getting a free dress and hair do then leaving me to get on with it on my own" If she'd paid for her dress and hairdresser herself, would you still be annoyed that she's not coming to help you get ready? I don't know you so I can only go on what you've written. If the answer to that is yes, then fair enough, but that's not what you said.

I understand that you are upset that she isn't being more attentive and is kicking up a fuss at every little detail., I would be too. It's not a nice situation to be in and I do think you did the right thing in giving her an ultimatum as neither of you really sound like you want her to be involved.

Oh, and if my sister told me that I dress like a chav, I'd have hit the roof aswell!

wanchai_2

I think that screamer said that her sister twisted her words... unless you are her sister???

stir_crazy

picklepick wrote: »

Oh, and if my sister told me that I dress like a chav, I'd have hit the roof aswell!

I tell my siblings that all the time. They say the same to me. I'd accept it and move on.