RANT ALERT, please tell me I'm not mean!

wanchai_2

Hey, not all siblings are a nightmare. I'm glad that I have the best brother in the world No sisters, always wanted one

screamer

mildred1978 wrote: »

And next time, elope .

Next time? What next time. I promise you, never ever again am I getting married lol.

I really do want to thank everyone who's contributed. I feel there is going to be no happy ending to this but I'm glad I've had a bit of bridal support if you know what I mean. My poor fiance is now more caught up worrying about me than thinking of the wedding or work. He's already had one day off to keep an eye on me because after 2 days I still hadn't picked up but even he's getting angry now. It takes a lot to wind him up, probably why we don't argue, but he hates seeing me like this, don't think he's ever seen me like this. I'm not angry, I'm not stomping around, I'm not slamming doors and I'm not spitting feathers all day and night. I just sit staring at the floor, not talking with the occasional tear running down my cheek and when he catches my eye I just smile and try to hold the tears back. I'm exhausted, I'm bored of crying. I need a shower but even that seems too much like hard work at the moment. I have so many things to be happy and excited about, I'm looking forward to my future and the day I become my fiance's wife is going to be the proudest and happiest day of my life so why do I feel soo...empty?

mildred1978

screamer wrote: »

Next time? What next time. I promise you, never ever again am I getting married lol.

I really do want to thank everyone who's contributed. I feel there is going to be no happy ending to this but I'm glad I've had a bit of bridal support if you know what I mean. My poor fiance is now more caught up worrying about me than thinking of the wedding or work. He's already had one day off to keep an eye on me because after 2 days I still hadn't picked up but even he's getting angry now. It takes a lot to wind him up, probably why we don't argue, but he hates seeing me like this, don't think he's ever seen me like this. I'm not angry, I'm not stomping around, I'm not slamming doors and I'm not spitting feathers all day and night. I just sit staring at the floor, not talking with the occasional tear running down my cheek and when he catches my eye I just smile and try to hold the tears back. I'm exhausted, I'm bored of crying. I need a shower but even that seems too much like hard work at the moment. I have so many things to be happy and excited about, I'm looking forward to my future and the day I become my fiance's wife is going to be the proudest and happiest day of my life so why do I feel soo...empty?

What is it that's actually upsetting you?

Your sister's behaviour?
That things aren't going your way?
That your sister isn't the person you thought she is? (Or that she is but you hoped she'd be different for the wedding?)

It sounds like you need to take a break from wedding planning and focus on something else for a bit. I promise you, nobody will care if the bridesmaid's dress has been worn before, or if her knickers don't match the napkins. All that matters is you and your OH. Try to focus on plans for after the wedding. The wedding is just a ceremony and a party. It's the marriage that's the important bit. And that isn't dependant on anyone but you two.

Alibear

Sounds to me like you just need to de-bridesmaid your sister and ignore any contact from her. You should be enjoying the run up to your wedding - nothing is worth feeling like this.

I'm guessing your sister must know about your history of anxiety, memory loss (sorry if I got the terminology wrong). Because if she does she's being incredibly cruel.

wanchai_2

screamer wrote: »

Next time? What next time. I promise you, never ever again am I getting married lol.

I really do want to thank everyone who's contributed. I feel there is going to be no happy ending to this but I'm glad I've had a bit of bridal support if you know what I mean. My poor fiance is now more caught up worrying about me than thinking of the wedding or work. He's already had one day off to keep an eye on me because after 2 days I still hadn't picked up but even he's getting angry now. It takes a lot to wind him up, probably why we don't argue, but he hates seeing me like this, don't think he's ever seen me like this. I'm not angry, I'm not stomping around, I'm not slamming doors and I'm not spitting feathers all day and night. I just sit staring at the floor, not talking with the occasional tear running down my cheek and when he catches my eye I just smile and try to hold the tears back. I'm exhausted, I'm bored of crying. I need a shower but even that seems too much like hard work at the moment. I have so many things to be happy and excited about, I'm looking forward to my future and the day I become my fiance's wife is going to be the proudest and happiest day of my life so why do I feel soo...empty?

You poor poor thing. Hugs xxxx

screamer

Oh Alibear, you have no idea. I was on Valium at the age of 7, prozac at 15, alsorts of rubbish including diazepam by the age of 23. Diagnosed with PTSD and some kind of dissociative disorder which causes seizures from which I'll never recover because I needed treated at the time of initial trauma, now is too late. On top of which I do actually suffer from Epilepsy due to a growth in my brain (I have 2 but one is apparently nothing to worry about) that appeared about 8 years ago so poor diet, stress and sleep depravation are all things to avoid and I really shouldn't be experiencing them all at the same time. I was only diagnosed with non epileptic seizures 4 years ago despite them happening for most of my life and as soon as I got a diagnosis I set about how to deal with it and what to do to avoid such things. I now rarely go out, am not comfortable around strangers. I avoid conflict, I don't go ANYWHERE alone (the only exception being to pick up our wedding rings recently and the quarter of a mile route had been planned meticulously for 3 days prior!) I do have memory problems caused by the growth and my meds and "responses" are impaired in my temporal lobe with or without medication. This is why I begged for my sister not to stress me, I have no control over my body when under too much pressure and in a worst case scenario, and the fact that I am alone for most of the day, a bad accident could be fatal or at least life changing. I am missing ALL of my front teeth due to collapsing/seizing. I have a deep scar on my forehead, a cute one on my chin, a faint one on my nose and I have scars on my thighs and genitals caused by seizing while holding a freshly boiled kettle. Strangers in the street ca see my face is a bit battered so she is very much aware of the damage that she could cause. And she also knows it's why she usually gets her own way because I really do just roll over and take her behaviour most of the time because I JUST DON'T NEED THE STRESS!

Mildred, here's how it is hun, and I'll try to make sense but it is all so complicated. This is why it's important to me and it's nothing to do with expectations, it's all to do with a sense of loss.

I'm adopted. I was put into foster care with my younger brother and sister but was separated from my brother. It was found that I did not and could not thrive without the 3 of us together because I had had the responsibility of my siblings forced upon me at a very young age and after being taken away from our parents (best thing to ever happen to me but traumatic all the same for a 7 year old kid) I clung onto that bond like my life depended on it. Not easy to let go of your young siblings in such a situation and even after going into care I still had a lot of responsibilities. I felt that if their own mother couldn't love them then I'd make sure they would always have someone in their life they can count on. The last thing I ever did for my brother was make sure he had a respectable funeral!!

mildred1978

Crikey hon. I think for everyone's sakes you need your sister out of the wedding party. She's trying to push your buttons and it's working.

Demote her, don't ask her for anything and do what you want to do. This is the start of the rest of your life!!

Tiara_2

Your health has to come first. I can't comprehend just how selfish your sister's behaviour has been. Anyone would find her behaviour out of order and stressful, but given your health problems her words and actions are totally out of order & unforgiveable.

I would tell her she is no longer your bridesmaid and then focus on looking forward to your special day- your health has to come first and she is not worth all this stress. Sending you big hugs xx

[Deleted User]

mildred1978 wrote: »

What is it that's actually upsetting you?

Your sister's behaviour?
That things aren't going your way?
That your sister isn't the person you thought she is? (Or that she is but you hoped she'd be different for the wedding?)

It sounds like you need to take a break from wedding planning and focus on something else for a bit. I promise you, nobody will care if the bridesmaid's dress has been worn before, or if her knickers don't match the napkins. All that matters is you and your OH. Try to focus on plans for after the wedding. The wedding is just a ceremony and a party. It's the marriage that's the important bit. And that isn't dependant on anyone but you two.

Mildred speaks 100% truth here Remember just you & your darling husband want to be together for life - come what may - and perhaps now is the time to focus on your relationship with him, your new family life together (even if it's just the two of you & a goldfish )

When you walk into your wedding ceremony, *you* will be the centre of attention, whatever you look like, and Brides always have a glow of beauty!

cantcope

I wonder from this thread why you asked your sister in the first place?
however, you did and that cant be changed. I lost my "best friend" last year after i dared ask why she still hadnt contacted my "hens" about my hen do as they were all calling and texting me asking what was going on a few months before the date we had earmarked.
I explained that my other bridesmaid was happy to help or that if she was too busy with work (she has a busy job) i didnt mind if she wanted other girl to take over.
I got a reply saying "i dont think i should be your chief bridesmaid anymore please dont contact me again".
she then ignored all of my calls, texts, emails and from my mum too. deleted us all from facebook and blocked us. I sent the email to a few of my friends asking for honest feedback if i'd said something out of turn etc....all said i hadnt,
I've not seen or spoken to her since and was devastated for months.
But do you know what? On my wedding day 6 months later i didnt miss her one bit. And i have since realised almost a year on she was never a best friend. Best friends dont act like that.

Dump your sister as bridesmaid, doesnt sound like she wants to do it anyway. You could keep the invite open but explain you dont want or need the hassle and therefore you are retracting your CB request.
Theres no need to replace her. I used the extra dosh on my remaining bridesmaid as her mum dropped her shoes and dress to my mums so i could get a refund and bought remaining bridesmaid the most amazing jewellery

My bridemaid gave me the most amazing hen weekend and was a real help on the day helping me with dress, drying nervous tears, puring me vodka for breakfast

Wishing you a wonderful day xxx Hope your sister realises one day just how awful she's been to you x