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Hoarding...not just on TV

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  • Byatt
    Byatt Posts: 3,496 Forumite
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    Good morning, I'm sorry I've not thanked people the last couple of days or responded, but have yet another kidney infection and feel low. On anti-biotics again and something else which hopefully will solve the problem.

    I did, after the visit to the dr yesterday took a stroll around the CS's and spotted a bread maker, I have been looking for months for one...however, I thought about it, conisidered the chaos that is my kitchen and not having anywhere to put it, let alone use it. I acknowledged to myself it would be an acquisition too far, and walked away. I'm not even sad. I know deep down I would barely use it. I just wanted it to make me feel better.

    GQ, love the kitten pics...soooooo cute.

    LIR, do you feel stressed and panicky if you don't put your books in a strict order? If so, can you work out why?
  • alec_eiffel
    alec_eiffel Posts: 1,304 Forumite
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    This is a great principle Alec and works fine for me, but not everyone's brain is like that, so for some , this 'system' would be a chaotic mish mash of books that is just as disturbing to their brains as clutter. Some just need more order to feel calm I think. Is this true anyone for you?

    That's exactly what I was like. I had everything in alphabetical order and had a written catalogue of what went where. Shelves had labels and I got very cross if someone messed with my books. But what I found was that it didn't help me. My point is that change is possible and it's not just change within the same parameters as before, it's real genuine change. It's stressful but it's also freedom. Freedom from things - physical and mental.

    All the "needing" to have things a certain way was of my own creation and didn't really make me calm, it made me stressed. It was all about keeping things the same, and things don't stay the same when you're living rather than existing. Fear made me keep order and fear isn't a way to live.
  • thriftwizard
    thriftwizard Posts: 4,676 Forumite
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    All the "needing" to have things a certain way was of my own creation and didn't really make me calm, it made me stressed. It was all about keeping things the same, and things don't stay the same when you're living rather than existing. Fear made me keep order and fear isn't a way to live.

    Thank you, that's very illuminating; that's something I've often picked up from people who have been the most critical of my somewhat chaotic housekeeping skills, that they'd be actually be frightened, possibly even overwhelmed, if they couldn't find a matching pair of socks at a moment's notice. I know life goes on if you wear odd socks, but to them it's really, really scary, kind of an out-of-control feeling. I've never felt that way so am probably not very sympathetic; to me it's always been obvious that when you have too much on your plate, you just have to pick your battles carefully & get on with what you can do. Which is probably why I'm battling mountains of rubbish, including hundreds of old odd socks, many of which wouldn't have fitted any inhabitant of this household for at least 5 years now...

    Anyway, the Grand Declutter has come to a grinding halt with the return of DH from his father's terminal sickbed in Spain. He cannot tolerate the "worse before it gets better" stage, stresses him beyond belief & he truly cannot see the wood for the trees, so the stuff now has to remain in the piled-high boxes-with-goat-tracks until he goes back to work tomorrow, then I can set to again! But before he got back on Sunday I'd done two more dump runs with the C4 piled high, Freecycled a massive car-boot lot, and reduced Ghastly Pile 3 to more manageable proportions. By the end of tomorrow I may be able to reach my bestest sewing machine (yes, I have more than one, but they do different jobs & there are 3 of us using them) to finish DS1's long-promised quilt, which has been more than three-quarters done since Christmas but sadly is currently being clutter in itself!
    Angie - GC May 24 £253.52/£450: 2024 Fashion on the Ration Challenge: 10/68: (Money's just a substitute for time & talent...)
  • lostinrates
    lostinrates Posts: 55,283 Forumite
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    This is a great principle Alec and works fine for me, but not everyone's brain is like that, so for some , this 'system' would be a chaotic mish mash of books that is just as disturbing to their brains as clutter. Some just need more order to feel calm I think. Is this true anyone for you?
    .

    This is me! Like my wardrobe....i have those hanging shelves on a hanging rail, and things are divided in to categories...cardigans, jumpers, long sleved tops, short sleeved tops, etc etc.
  • lostinrates
    lostinrates Posts: 55,283 Forumite
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    Byatt wrote: »

    LIR, do you feel stressed and panicky if you don't put your books in a strict order? If so, can you work out why?

    not panicky, rather...defeated. Everything having a place is the answer to organisation.

    I think an example of what happens when this is not the case are the duplicate books. This has happened because pur stuff has been in storage, inaccessable.

    To compound this, a feature of my nuerological issues that make my writing look like a monkey typing often enough, is also difficulties with memory. Order really, really helps me. Trying to understand the linguistic leaps my mind will make is one thing, but if my keys are always in x ace they do not get lost.

    Dh hates things out and draw stuffs, and lost my engagement ring that way. He put it in a vase in his family house, because i had left it by the sink while washing up. He cannot remember which vase and its long gone now. I am not traumatised by that, btw. :)
  • blossomhill_2
    blossomhill_2 Posts: 1,923 Forumite
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    Blossom - I love the clarity shopping idea. It is something I started for my elf over the last 2 years

    Brightonbelle - PLEEEEZE post a picture of your elf - I am having such fun picturing him or her! :T
    You never know how far-reaching something good, that you may do or say today, may affect the lives of others tomorrow
  • mollythewestie
    mollythewestie Posts: 1,929 Forumite
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    Whoops :o, went into 2 charity shops this morning, came out with a DVD for DD. To be fair it is one of her favourite cartoons, and it is really hard to get hold of (currently over £8 on amazon, I paid just £2).

    To justify buying it, I will be finding a DVD of my own to donate, or better still a bag full.

    I did see something that I REALLY struggled to ignore - it was a pile of vintage Flying Saucer magazines. I love anything unusual and collect all things Fortean, so to pass these by was a big thing for me.
    It's actaully really bugging me that I didn't buy it (I still regret not buying a mighty tome I once saw in an old book shop called "The History of The Umbrella", I would never had read it, but I just wanted to own it.:rotfl:)
    Value of prizes 2010 - 2017: £8374 Wins 2022: Magic set
    Debt free thanks to MSE
  • GreyQueen
    GreyQueen Posts: 13,008 Forumite
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    Byatt wrote: »
    Good morning, I'm sorry I've not thanked people the last couple of days or responded, but have yet another kidney infection and feel low. On anti-biotics again and something else which hopefully will solve the problem.

    I did, after the visit to the dr yesterday took a stroll around the CS's and spotted a bread maker, I have been looking for months for one...however, I thought about it, conisidered the chaos that is my kitchen and not having anywhere to put it, let alone use it. I acknowledged to myself it would be an acquisition too far, and walked away. I'm not even sad. I know deep down I would barely use it. I just wanted it to make me feel better.

    GQ, love the kitten pics...soooooo cute.

    LIR, do you feel stressed and panicky if you don't put your books in a strict order? If so, can you work out why?
    :j Awesome! Byatt, I'm so proud of you.:j

    I had a breadmaker moment, too. I make my own bread, nothing fancy, and hand-knead it and bake it in the oven. No biggie; I have a gas oven, bowl, baking sheets x 2 on the premises anyway. I've checked the meter and the oven seems to cost about 0.5p to run for a batch of bread.

    Friend and neighbour SuperGran had a lovely breadmaker donated to a church sale which didn't sell. She offered it to me. I accepted it unseen and she brought it to my flat. Came home from work one day and there it was in the middle of the living room (SG has my spare keys, and I have hers).

    It was enormous. I stupidly hadn't expected it to be so big. My kitchen is tiny and there was no way it could go in a cupboard nor on the tiny amount of counter. It sat in the living room under the small table. It was constantly under my eye, niggling away at me.

    I felt guilt because I wasn't using it. It had the instruction booklet, so there was no excuse. I let that thing sap my energy for nearly 6 months before I owned up to my own emotions; I bake bread once a week if that. I enjoy the kneading process. I simply don't have room for a breadmaker..........

    :) I put it on Freecycle and was nearly buried by replies. It went to a lovely lady with a family to feed. She was thrilled to bits and I was overjoyed to see the back of it.

    I very much understand the emotion of wanting to buy yourself a "present" when you're miserable or out of sorts. You wander around itching to treat yourself and this is the origin of a lot of clutter because you're buying for an emotional need, rather than an actual need, and therefore the item is likely to prove a disappointment. Or, if you're anything like me, some of the treats are highly-calorific and you end up carrying extra poundage as well.

    I have a clear memory of being in the hall at my parents' place, probably when a young/ mid teen, and Mum and I getting our coats on. Dad asking us where we are going and when told "Shopping" he asked what for.

    "We'll know it when we see it," Mum replied.

    :o Ouch! But it seemed perfectly-logical for years. We wanted to buy something unspecific, so we were going out to see what is available.............and await temptation.:o

    Dad, by contrast, doesn't do shopping as a leisure activity. He will identify something which needs to be replaced and will do a limited amount of targetted shopping. He will go out for a pair of shoes, look in one or two places, buy and then come home. He won't look in every shoe shop in town, fret about whether he could have made a better choice than the ones he did buy, come away with more than one pair because the sales were on.......He has the potential to bring the consumer society to it's knees if multiplied by a few million.;)

    Well, funny old day today. Not a working day for me and various errands beign done, some requiring my physical presence, some on phone and some online. Must clear up this pit, too.
    Every increased possession loads us with a new weariness.
    John Ruskin
    Veni, vidi, eradici
    (I came, I saw, I kondo'd)
  • short_bird
    short_bird Posts: 3,697 Forumite
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    What works for me - and the bookshelf - is arranging them by size. This is due to the small top shelf; less of a fight to remove books as there's room to manoeuvre. I'm still amazed that there is stuff that is easy to cull, I would have thought the low hanging fruit would have gone a long time ago but hey, it's still there.

    Now, is that a :D or a :o moment?
    Cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans, no more merciful beheadings, and call off Christmas.
  • wannabe_sybil
    wannabe_sybil Posts: 2,845 Forumite
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    blossomhill - the day I got rid of the cat's saucers was a really good day for me!

    The skip that has allegedly being booked is now getting really close. Effectively I am sharing with with two neighbours who all need to get rid of a lot of kit. I handed over my share of the money to Nice Mr Next Door who has Contacts and can get a Good Deal.

    I've been wittering about for a bit and now find that he is really, seriously, definitely wanting it soon. So I need to get a shake on. I have just donated two stained duvets to him (he is a mechanic, the duvets will absorb a lot of spills etc, and I was not prepared to keep stained duvets 'just in case' when I can buy one for £20 in Matalan which is very near) and a redundant mattress.

    Shopping for me is almost all online. Ebay is my friend (not!) For ages I have been unable physically to get out of the house much. So it is really hard to stay away from temptation. Fortunately, I can go into a charity shop without buying stuff. I am staying away from tempting online sites.

    So I am full of cold, had an ice cream for breakfast to help my sore throat, and I need to start work in a dusty and closed in area. So I shall book my pity party now.

    The big thing is that the room I need to attack most is full of craft stuff. A lot of it I can just get rid of. I have a load of knitted scarfs that I want to put on ebay, which I completely failed to do last year. I have the door curtains that my grandmother made - it was during WWII and you couldn't get stuff, so she got fabric samples from where her brother in law worked and sewed them together. I want to keep those. I can get rid of most of the sewing thread, it is almost certainly rotten. However I don't want to get rid of the yarn. There is loads and loads and loads and loads of it, some of it in half finished projects, other yarn is just oddments picked up really inexpensively from ebay that I want to knit into scarfs. I don't think I can get rid of that. :( Though I think it is hoarded clutter. :(

    My plan is to cut down on what I can, and then nibble away as and when. I am also determined to put aside 30 minutes every day to knit, plus tv watching time. I love knitting and the sooner I get some of these projects together the better! If I want to keep the yarn to use later, then I had better bring that 'later' closer!
    Ankh Morpork Sunshine Sanctuary for Sick Dragons - don't let my flame go out!
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