Hoarding...not just on TV

Blackpool_Saver

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00t3cpf

Brighton_belle

That's a very positive approach Byatt - 'practice'. You don't have to be perfect at it straight away, just try it out. And then see how you feel after the intensity of the craving and panic passes. I find once I reach a point of seeing I have felt the pain and then survived and returned to the state I was in before I saw the object, it helps me next time to know I 'survived'.

Is the rescue thing connected to/mirror the desire to rescue yourself (or be rescued and looked after) from your very painful experience of losing your marriage and forever home do you think? I think I can connect to past need to rescue items 'from being lonely' tied into my own past lonliness, but I have only just realised that as I type this.

I have also found having got rid of so much over the last few years, space and energy has opened up in my life for new people, and new hobbies I couldn't have imagined. And I remind myself, any new hobby doesn't have to be a forever hobby, only for as long as I enjoy it. It is ok, to do things for a while and then stop and do something else.

GreyQueen

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Really great 'acknowledging the craving and walk away' psychology Grey Queen. Another means of avoiding buying stuff you didn't know you needed is to not go to the shops as a hobby/activity.

I have had to curb my hobby of browsing charity shops.

Oh my, I'm with you on that one. Charity shops are a kicker, as are boot sales and jumblies. I have to be very very careful in such places. I don't totally avoid them because I do like poking around them, and I reckon if I tried to cold turkey, I'd get into an obsession and probably end up running amok in a proper shop. Most of the time I come away empty-handed. At the last boot sale I attended (the only one this year, I think) I bought a wheelbarrow and a packet of cotton hankies. Highly usable and the barrow will live at my allotment.

I also have to be a bit cautious in the cheapy stores like £land etc........so handy and so very affordable.

One tactic which I have found very helpful, and would like to share, is keeping an inventory. Or rather, several inventories. I don't do anything very sophisticated but I keep lists of various types in Word as table documents. I have one inventory for storecupboard foods, one for toiletries, one for general household stuff, one for cleaning materials, one for clothing and footwear.

Somehow, seeing it written down in black and white helps to focus. How many mugs? How many Pyrex pudding basins? How many black tee shirts (or whatever). These can prompt your memory if you're inclined to mislay things and be a quick aid to composing a shopping list. There are 3 bottles of washing up liquid in my flat; the half-used one on the sink and the two unopened ones underneath. When the last one is in service and well-down, I shall know to get another one.

The anti-clutter writer Don Aslett (I commend him to you as he is both screamingly funny and very astute) also suggested making an inventory of everything you own. He said that you'll find you own some stuff so useless that you can't even bring yourself to list it, and you'll be able to let it go. He also composed an imaginary obituary for a clutterer; She is survived by (list belongings). I can't quote verbatim as I don't have the book but it was typical cluttery stuff.

Here's my version.

Here lies GreyQueen, who is survived by 59 tins of tomatoes, 161 bars of soap, several dozen flowerpots, her college matriculation cards, mismatched socks, her grandma's pickle pot and bread board, a dozen books which she never got around to reading, plastic containers both new and re-purposed, too much sewing thread and a fair few clothes she should've dejunked some time ago.

Aha! I could arrange to have it buried with me and then, at some unspecified point in the future, it could all become worth something as archaeology.

Byatt

Thanks BrightonBelle, yes I do want to rescue myself, it goes back even further to my childhood and abuse, but the end of the marriage was like the final nail in the coffin for me, almost literally at first, but not quite...thankfully.

It's funny but like you, I just realise certain things about myself as I type here, such as the rescuing of things...

It's really good to know that space, energy has opened up for you, and a very good point that a new hobby doesn't have to be a forever hobby. Thanks so much for your post. :A

People here are so insightful and supportive, and it makes such a difference. Thank you. :A

Cat501

Oh that obituary is hilarious GQ!!

I dread to think how many "books she never got round to reading" I'll be survived by! If I popped me clogs now it might be in the hundreds:eek::rotfl:

AND the black t-shirts - or vest tops. That's my default uniform, black top, jeans, trainers

GreyQueen

Byatt wrote: »

It is a great psychology isn't it. I know I become very stressed about craving something and leaving it behind. It's partly a rescue thing too I think for me. I rescue things. I shall practise acknowledging and walking away. I do of course walk away many times, but like I said it stresses me. Panic attacks.

I hope to have more meaningful hobbies once I have some space.

I want to save stuff, too. All the time. I hate waste and even if it's stuff which I don't personally want or need, and it's going to waste, I want to rescue it with the intention of rehoming it somewhere. My tiny home limits this impulse and every time I read Lostinrates' mentioning having a barn and out-buildings, I thank my lucky stars I don't have such things or the temptation to keep stuff because I had somewhere to put it would be overwhelming.

This evening I walked back into my neighbourhood and someone had added most of what appears to be the contents of a home to the fly-tipping pile. My first thought was Blinking cheek! My second thought was There's some useful stuff there. My third thought was You don't know where it's been, you might catch something filthy, it's not right to go wombling thru that lot..........leave it alone, GQ!

Yup, there's an iron and a toaster and a kettle, a sofa, black sacks open to reveal towels etc and other stuff. Saucepans and all sorts. Someone else will no doubt womble into it (we are a poor neighbourhood) but it annoys the heck out of me that this stuff wasn't taken to the c.s. or offered on Freecycle........The temptation to get into that blinking pile is almost like an itch.:rotfl:

A woman I met briefly on holiday said something very astute which lodged in my mind. It was on the subject of cramming down every last morsel of food on your plate so as not to be wasteful, even if it was far too much and actually made you feel unwell because you were so overstuffed.

She said: Do you see your body as an alternative to a dustbin?

I've thought about that in the context of overeating but it could equally be applied to our homes. Do I see my home as a warehouse for orphaned goods? Do I see it as a charity shop, as a jumble sale, as a landfill? What is my home for? Is it a place for me to be safe and comfortable so that I can go out into the world rested and happy, or is it a burrow of clutter to insulate me from others?

I once asked a mountain walking guide what was the worst accident she'd ever had, imagining some glamourously-gory tale of falling off a Himalaya or some such. She told me that she'd broken her toe tripping on a piece of funiture in her living room, and that was the worst injury she'd ever sustained.

Just think, some of us are hiding out at home because we're scared of what might befall us in the wider world, and we're in mortal peril in our own living rooms!

Cat501 wrote: »

Oh that obituary is hilarious GQ!!

I dread to think how many "books she never got round to reading" I'll be survived by! If I popped me clogs now it might be in the hundreds:eek::rotfl:

AND the black t-shirts - or vest tops. That's my default uniform, black top, jeans, trainers

OK, now you can write your "obituary" too. Double-dare ya!;)

Cat501

GQ you are right - when I see people talking about outbuildings/garages/attics/sheds I feel envious at first - then a little relieved! I'd still like a spare room though!:D

OK here goes.....fuelled by cheap but very nice Mr A plonk!

Here lies Cat501, who just couldn't be arsed. She is survived by 12 almost identical black tops, 6 pairs of jeans and two slinky dresses she didn't have a hope of hell of fitting into since the age of 17, 13 mobile phone chargers, 1,345 screws and Allen keys she had no idea what to do with, and 137 books she didn't have the intellect to read - at least, not after becoming rather too au fait with cheap Mr A plonk.

SADLY MISSED!!!!! (well we have to say that, it's "etiquette" :P)

blossomhill_2

I like your thinking GQ! More ways for me to talk myself out of things. Brilliant observations

Tent is going today. Yesterday I put half a pack of flooring underlay (foil/polystyrene type that had been concertinad into the pack) into the wheelie bin and this morning when I opened the bin it jumped out at me like a Jack-In-A-Box!

I too rescue things, mainly animals, but am damned if I will become a repository for other people's lack of conscience. I read and weep about the poor pets on the small ads who are being offered "becuase we are going on holiday" but have contacted the local hospice to say I will take in any elderly person's beloved cat if they need to rehome it - it's just a case of being selective

Today I am freecycling a rescued robin's nest!

I have barely been to the shops this year due to major budget trimming, but went last week with DD and was wandering around like a kid in a sweetshop seeing all the pretty colours - so many pastels -but was able to see it almost as art and just buy the black jeans I had gone for (perfect fit, am now dumping 2 other pairs in exchange)

Re having barns and outbuildings - my sis used to say that clutter expands to fill the space available - or I think to "overcrowd" the space available

I rescue dumped stuff on Sunday mornings after the bootsalers have doen their flytipping, but take it to a charity

My late uncle's obituary reads "here lies Uncle, survived by hundreds of disposable razors and bars of Fairy soap"

Mine would read "here lies niece, survived by her Uncle's hundreds of razors (she used up the soap on the greenfly)"

aliasojo

GreyQueen wrote: »

A woman I met briefly on holiday said something very astute which lodged in my mind. It was on the subject of cramming down every last morsel of food on your plate so as not to be wasteful, even if it was far too much and actually made you feel unwell because you were so overstuffed.

I do this.

Isn't it 'funny' how there are so many different but linked aspects to having hoarding tendancies?

Cat501 wrote: »

.......and two slinky dresses she didn't have a hope of hell of fitting into since the age of 17........

I have a dress from Wallis that I've had for ooooooh at least 20 years.

I was between a 10 and a 12 when I bought it and opted for the 10 with the intention of losing half a stone to make it fit better. I never lost that 7lbs and it's hung in the wardrobe ever since.

It's a long slinky job but it's a classic style which doesn't date so I've held onto it in the hope that one day.......

Stupid really because that 7lbs I needed to lose was joined by a shed load more and the reality is that I'll never see size 10 again. :D

Flaming dress cost me £80 and that was loads of money for a dress 20 years ago.

If I'm honest, I'm probably not going to get rid of it now either.

It wont even fit my daughter as she takes after her Father's side and is short like them.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Mine would be;

Here fell Jojo, who really could have made something of her life, but instead chose to play the fool in various bands and really didn't mind about it being such a waste.

She is survived by a much loved Cort bass, 3 Spanish guitars in ascending sizes, an electroacoustic, an Epiphone LP standard, five ukuleles, keyboard, djembe, bodhran (which she couldn't play very well, but meant to get around to practising someday), a small bookcase full of sheet music and one of cookbooks that she actually used, three saucepans, her Grandfather's wooden spoon, a gold plated pencil and a horseshoe from his coalshed door, a Denon micro system, iPhone 3GS and a MacBook held together with gaffer tape.




This monument has been erected with love by the cats. But that's mainly because it's dinner time. And we needed to think of something to do with the old scratching post.


'So long and thanks for all the ham'.