Hoarding...not just on TV

blossomhill_2

Sezzagirl wrote: »

I read this problem in the paper today and wished this lady could be in touch with you as I know your gentle care and encouragement would help her

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/nov/24/problem-solved-annalisa-barbieri-bereavement

Thanks for posting this - I thought the agony aunt's answer was rubbish, the widow can't bear the idea of strangers poking through her late husband's stuff so she recommends that as a solution - rubbish! It would traumatise the widow further.

If I have something that I can't keep but can't bear to think of strangers pawing I dismantle it and bin it in stages - selfish maybe but that's how I have to deal with it

"What I can't bear to remember is what I can't bear to forget"

You are quite right Sezzagirl, she needs "the team" approach

GreyQueen

katep23 wrote: »

Oh the relief that I am not the only person having this kind of conversation with myself

Worse is that I sometimes accidentally have the discussion out loud and OH thinks I'm quite mad :rotfl: He has been known to ask if I am arguing with myself "again"!

Anyone able to help with the uploading photos? Am feeling up to posting a pic of my "larder of shame".

We're probably all doing it to a degree.

I tend to stand there in silence holding the questionable object, and will sometimes have to park it in plain view on the side for a few days whilst I think about it and reach a decision.

I'm not normally an indecisive person but hoarding isn't part of the rational GQ, it's part of my Dark Side..........:rotfl:

Today, I have to go to w*rk, a hospital appt after that and may, depending on if the appt goes to schedule, be able to make a c.s. drop-off run with a couple of bulky items currently squatting in the centre of my living room. If they don't get out today they'll go first thing Tues but now I've made the decision, I want them gone ASAP.

I can only begin to imagine how terrible the emotional upheaval of dealing with a late spouse's belongings must feel. That poor lady in the newspaper, and others like her. You just want to give them a virtual hug across the interweb, don't you?

I agree that getting strangers in to go through his belongings would be traumatic for this individual.

A retired lady I knew after she became a widow told me how she had handled her late husband's personal affects such as clothes and shoes.

Her DH had had the latest of a series of heart attacks and was gravely ill in the coronary care unit of the hospital. Both of them knew that he wouldn't be coming home. He was conscious and fully-aware. His adult grandson visited and he gave him his rare and valuable wristwatch there and then.

His wife discreetly arranged for a trusted mutual male friend to go to their home whilst they were still at the hospital and pack up all her husband's clothes and shoes.

He was a retired businessman and a very sharp dresser. She used to choose his clothes with him in the shops and he used to take her advice on a day-to-day basis about his wardrobe selections; they were a very smart couple in London before they retired to my region. She told this friend she didn't care what he did with her husband's things as long as she didn't see them ever again.

She moved house (with my assistance) about 3 years after he had passed away and the packing turned up a pair of his shoes which had somehow been overlooked. She had no idea they were even on the premises and the shock had her in tears instantly and sent into a tailspin, so I think she made the right decision, for her, about getting her husband's friend to remove his stuff.

For people who are passing stuff to c.s. from late relatives, you can ask the chain c.s. to take the stuff out of that shop and into another, if it would be too much to see it being sold (or being worn by someone else) in your own area. HTH.

imataloss

Well I tackled the magazine rack this morning. Now have a bag full of magazines for my DM to read, she will then pass to DS2 who will then recycle.
Old weekend supplements from months ago were in the bottom, they have gone straight into the recycling.
Only things in there now are this months magazines, this weeks supplements and some fishing magazines belonging to DS.
Next tackled my desk/work station. Have a tin full of adaptors/chargers/leads which never has a lid on. Found old chargers (for phones we no longer have) and a two pin lead for the new printer (I`ll never use that) so they have gone too.
I found a birthday present for a great neice which was never delivered (she was given money in a card instead). This can be used as a present for another great neice for Christmas.
Also have a photo frame which was given to us for our 30th anniversary. No photo in it and I don`t know what to do with it. I like the frame but have no where to put it. Will put it with some other frames and once the spare room is sorted it can go on display in there.
It`s never to tackle my set of plastic drawers. One is full of paperwork which needs shredding. Will do some every hour until it`s all gone.

savingqueen

Hello everyone,

Can I dip my little toe in here please? Usually frequent the toughies thread but need to start working on some OS challenges especially decluttering stuff.

I was unsure whether to post on here or decluttering thread. As I know my clutter is linked to anxiety etc I think I'll give this thread a go if that's ok?

I would describe myself as a mild hoarder. I have every storage space stuffed so it falls out when I open doors and piles of stuff tottering on top of surfaces, down by bed, end of bed etc but some areas are tidy or averagely untidy IFYKWIM. I can manage to keep some areas tidy or tidyish (nothing is showroom tidy nor do I want/expect it ever to be.)

I know my hoarding is linked to my childhood (Dad was a mild hoarder too) and DH is another mild hoarder but different things to me. I also like to stockpile useful stuff like food, birthday gifts, toiletries etc but have been running these down for a good year or more so that's managable.

I also have 2 children (boys aged 8 and 6) and they have lots of stuff which doesn't help. DS2 seems to be developing our hoarding problem so that's another reason I need to tackle my issues.

I know the clutter is weighing me down and making lots of thigns in life harder, more frustrating and time consuming and DH doesn't like it either. I plan to set myself small goals to begin with. Haven't read many posts so will start from today when I get time. Don't want to spend ages on here as an excuse to not declutter though so must get the balance right.

sq:)

lostinrates

savingqueen wrote: »

Hello everyone,

Can I dip my little toe in here please? Usually frequent the toughies thread but need to start working on some OS challenges especially decluttering stuff.

I was unsure whether to post on here or decluttering thread. As I know my clutter is linked to anxiety etc I think I'll give this thread a go if that's ok?

I would describe myself as a mild hoarder. I have every storage space stuffed so it falls out when I open doors and piles of stuff tottering on top of surfaces, down by bed, end of bed etc but some areas are tidy or averagely untidy IFYKWIM. I can manage to keep some areas tidy or tidyish (nothing is showroom tidy nor do I want/expect it ever to be.)

I know my hoarding is linked to my childhood (Dad was a mild hoarder too) and DH is another mild hoarder but different things to me. I also like to stockpile useful stuff like food, birthday gifts, toiletries etc but have been running these down for a good year or more so that's managable.

I also have 2 children (boys aged 8 and 6) and they have lots of stuff which doesn't help. DS2 seems to be developing our hoarding problem so that's another reason I need to tackle my issues.

I know the clutter is weighing me down and making lots of thigns in life harder, more frustrating and time consuming and DH doesn't like it either. I plan to set myself small goals to begin with. Haven't read many posts so will start from today when I get time. Don't want to spend ages on here as an excuse to not declutter though so must get the balance right.

sq:)

Welcome.

I think very few people are hoarders on the scale of the tv hoarders. Most of us are 'functioning' hoarders, like functioning alcoholics.:D

While no one would think my house is clutter free, no one who just came down stairs on a good week and did not open drawers and cupboards would know about the push pull relationship dh and I (and reaident parent)have with stuff, what to keep and how to store it.

Parent is convinced the answer is plastic boxes. I have watched this my who
E life and taken the blame for them not being able to find stuff because if the boxes were left to them there would be no problem ...this is not true, but it's taken me thirty years to see it.

Dh is a cupboard stuffer. He also likes putting stuff in bags.

I like to have it all out and only away if it's in the right place.....but places aren't necessarily designed for the stuff that fits there, and the complication can be that I have mobility issues at time, and stuff too low is 'out of reach' as is stuff too high, or to far over, or back in a cupboard:o

Even heavy drawers can render a thing unreadable to me, or difficult to put away.

I also feel strongly that while I want to return to how my life was living with other partners and alone, neat, tidy, organised, easy to clean.....I don't want to be a slave to it. My kitchen looks pretty damn good for a temporary arrangement, it will be like that for years, so I am relieved it looks ok! But it's not perfect. I have had to put some stuff on top of cupboards and on open shelves (I am messy, so this is not ideal) but its ok....and the thing I am learning is that OK is often good enough, where style and
Osk nd organisation meets relaxed and comfortable. If I know what is in each draw and cupboard and can keep it so.....it's ok. It's 'enough'.

blossomhill_2

Reading about disposing of deceased relatives' belongings I suddenly recalled with a start how my paternal grandmother dealt with losing her husband - she almost immediately lit a bonfire and put every trace of him/his stuff onto it. My dad told me this and it obviously troubled him (he was a young adult when he lost his dad) ... and he became a controlled hoarder, so I wonder if there was a link
I later found 2 photos of the grandad, hidden in a drawer, wrapped in tablecloths, and was able to show my dad that not every trace had gone

savingqueen - it's a fine line between clutter and hoarding, hoarding tends to only seem rational to the hoarder, which clutter may just be overenthusiasm - eg if you overbuy special offer baked beans but can say "look this is more than we'll ever eat, will you take some off my hands" to a friend, then it is probably clutter. But if you stop asking friend round because you don't want to have to explain your tins of beans or take them off the sofa ... hoarder I am afraid

As with many labels, there is a danger in labelling yourself. "I am a hoarder" can almost become an excuse, so perhaps you'd be best to describe yourself as "having hoarding tendencies that you want to nip in the bud", as with your DS. The fact that you are reducing the gift stash seems to point to this anyway, so well done!

idristhedragon

I have no windows in my bedroom and about 6 men crashing around in there. My hallway is dull of new windows/ old windows and its freezing. I have no bed and no access to my wardrobes etc.
AND IM OVER THE MOON because it has forced a massive declutter of the bedroom, forced DH to agree to moving a chest of drawers that I wanted in the living room to the living room like I wanted and a total rethink on furniture/ storage In Bedroom:)

DH still thinks I'm the "messy" one. I removed a broken pan lid handle from a cup he'd stashed it in this morning and asked him to chuck it out.
He chucked out the majorly broken bit and scuttled upstairs with an "ok" bit to put in his toolbox in case it "comes in handy"
God help us!

blossomhill_2

Oh idris, I don't envy you! and laughed about the pan handle as
I managed to throw 3 saucepans AND lids and 1 frypan into the wheeliebin today, without looking back BUT saved a cup with only half a handle because it is very art deco, grey and will look good with grey succulents in - whoops!
I also recycled an Innocent orange juice bottle that I thought I shouldn't buy any more as the bottle looks too "handy for something"

Brighton_belle

If it's confession time...I've just put my bike back in the attic...the one I got down 4 months ago to sell

lostinrates

Brighton_belle wrote: »

If it's confession time...I've just put my bike back in the attic...the one I got down 4 months ago to sell

Why?

Now might be a good time to sell a bike, people looking for things to take up in the NY to get fit and save money.