Hoarding...not just on TV

whitewing

I would say that the magazine rack contents can be put into recycling (with a very quick flick thro for loose paper that may be more personal).

Sezzagirl

Ladies,

I often read this thread because, although your story is not the same as mine and my challengesdo not come fromhoarding, I find the way you are facing the things you need to do and changing your lives is inspiring!

I read this problem in the paper today and wished this lady could be in touch with you as I know your gentle care and encouragement would help her

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/nov/24/problem-solved-annalisa-barbieri-bereavement

I wonder if there is anyway someone can contact the "Agony Aunt" and, maybe through her, the lady needing help

x

short_bird

whitewing wrote: »

I would say that the magazine rack contents can be put into recycling (with a very quick flick thro for loose paper that may be more personal).

That's a quick win:D

Byatt

imataloss, speaking from my experience I can't look at the whole picture otherwise it would be overwhelming and I would just freeze and do nothing. Like WW, said, empty the magazine rack for instance as a first thing, don't think beyond that unless you want to and have the urge to do more. Short_bird, said break it down and that's what you need to do. Five minutes or 15 minutes is better than nothing. It's not going to go away overnight. Many of us here have been months doing this and still have more to do. I've had a few days of doing not a lot physically but have dealt with internet stuff as didn't have the physical energy to do more.

Yes, I wondered about WannabeSybil too. Hope you're ok, aong with Calicocat and others. xx

Brighton_belle

Brighton_belle wrote: »

A cause close to our hearts in this weeks Guardian 'problem sloved page'

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/nov/24/problem-solved-annalisa-barbieri-bereavement

and good advice offered (as per found on this thread:D)

Sezzagirl wrote: »

I read this problem in the paper today and wished this lady could be in touch with you as I know your gentle care and encouragement would help her

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/nov/24/problem-solved-annalisa-barbieri-bereavement

I wonder if there is anyway someone can contact the "Agony Aunt" and, maybe through her, the lady needing help

x

Already done:D
Thanks for the thread compliment: it is great isn't it and down to every single contributer. Every one welcome.

Sagaris

imataloss wrote: »

Hello all from a long time lurker and occassional poster. Yet again the state of our house has caused a row between me and OH. Our DD left home nearly 4 years ago and her room (our spare room) has become a dumping ground. There are still things in there that she left behind. Our DS only has a small room and it`s full of stuff. This has resulted in the overspill going into the spare room. Plus I have lots of books in there (no room for a bookcase) anywhere in the house. OH went to try to move some things from spare room into the loft and that`s when the problem started.
The loft is full of stuff (what I don`t know as I never venture in there). He found that the roof has been leaking and that the boarding in the loft is damp (my fault because I should have called the roofer years ago).
The garage is also overflowing, we are storing stuff for DH`s sister and our DD. Plus we had to demolish the garden shed and haven`t got round to getting another one.
We had a leak on the boiler a few weeks ago which has resulted in the vinyl flooring in the kitchen lifting/bubbling. It now needs to be ripped up and the concrete floor dried out as it`s starting to smell. DH said we should make a claim on insurance for this, I will investigate whether we can tomorrow.
I really don`t know where to start. DH said I`ve got to leave it to him and his way of dealing with it is to throw everything into black bags and take them to the tip.
I have drawers, cupboards, wardrobes full of stuff. I work from home and have a desk full of stuff. The magazine rack is overflowing. I have so much to do and never enough time.
Feel like crying and screaming I`m so frustrated by it all.
I would just like a nice, clean, clutter free home in good repair.
Where do I start?

I feel yor pain - our spare room is like an Aladdin's Cave!

The way I look at it is - it didn't get that way in 5 minutes so it will take the same length of time to clear/tidy - do it in small chunks, 15 minutes at a time - I set a timer and do it that way. Surprising what you can get done when you have a 'deadline'!

My house is not immaculate, far from it - but it is getting tidier - just as well as we are hoping to move next year and I have no intention on packing up toot and rubbish!

GreyQueen

((((((((imataloss)))))))

Most of us have been there at some point, that utter feeling of hopelessness when it all seems so overwhelming. When you want to run away to live in a beach hut or seriously contemplating hiring an arsonist to torch the lot.

The others have made good suggestions already so I won't duplicate those (although I am in entire agreement).

You family sounds like mine; older girl with the bigger bedroom out of the home first and the younger son still at home with the smaller one.

I unilaterally decided once I went to college that "my" room in my parents' small 3 bedroom house shouldn't be the 2nd largest whilst my younger brother was in the box room. So we switched. Box room is a home office now with a cabin bed where I can sleepover a couple of times a year. I did say that they didn't need to keep a spare bed for me as would be perfectly happy with the sofa-bed downstairs but they didn't want to get rid of the cabin bed.

You mentioned that your DD has been gone for 4 years? Could you talk to her about her belongings still on the premises, such as say you can't be her warehouse and she has to decide whether she wants to keep them, in which case she should make moves to get them out of your home and into her home. Or if she doesn't want them, she needs to clear them away herself. Perhaps set her a timescale of a few weeks or months but make it clear that you intend to have them gone by the end of that time?

I guess if she hasn't needed them in 4 years, they aren't that important to her. And regarding storing other people's stuff in your garage, you may want to rethink that. A lot of people will postpone making a decision about their belongings for months or even years if they have free storage with a relative or friend.

There may be extenuating circumstances, of course, such as between housemoves, but it isn't reasonable let these circumstances run on indefinately. What would happen if their belongings were damaged or stolen whilst in your possession? It could get ugly.

*****************

Today I had a Conversation with my hoarderish side. Because I've had some home improvements done which mean that the bathroom lampshade is now and forever a redundant item (new kind of lightfitting althogether).

But the redundant lampshade is a close kin to the hall lampshade and of the same type as the ones in the other rooms. All were originally bought secondhand for 50p-£1. Any of them could be replaced new with change from a tenner. But my hoarderish side was trying to tell me better keep the ex-bathroom one in case the hall one breaks and then you'll have a spare without going shopping or spending any money.

Non-Hoarder GQ spoke up after a struggle; but I've never broken a lampshade in my life and even if I somehow break the one on the hall ceiling, I can easily get another for pence. And the only place to put the ex-bathroom lampshade is in the shed where it's quite likely to get broken. And once it breaks it'll be no good to anyone and will end up in landfill and I know how cross that'll make me feel as I hate waste.

Lampshade went into the c.s. bag and is now at the c.s.

Then there's the packaging (big cardboard box) from something I bought new today. Currently in the living room, all 4 feet of it. I could and should have taken it out to the recycling banks when I unpacked the new thing a few hours ago but I didn't and am in my jammies now. I was suffering from the what-ifs. As in what if the new thing isn't right and I have to take it back to the shop?

It's perfectly fine. There are no moving parts or techy bits to go wrong. I shall recycle the box first thing tomorrow.

Right, need to see what the rest of the OS world is up to. Hope those in the flooded parts are OK.

Molly41

I have been a long time lurker on this thread. I have come to the realisation that my hoarding has many reasons.

I think it started with my parents who are prolific hoarders whose behaviours were formed by a war-time childhood. I have similar issues in that I hoard food - tins in particular and my dining room has started to replicate my mothers.

It irked me today as it is my DS2's 18th birthday and we had a family meal. That room needs sorting soon and certainly before Christmas. So that it my goal - Christmas dinner in a clutter-free and tidy dining room. But where to put all my crafting bits?

imataloss

Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions.
short_bird - I have got the policy number, contact number for the insurers and will be ready to call them before work tomorrow.
Ironing is done, just needs to be put away.
No packed lunches required by DH or DS so no need to worry about that.
I have been really busy workwise but realise that I need to spend some time each day sorting/filing/shredding things. I used to do this when I worked in an office, so need to do it again now.
whitewing - the magazine rack will be tackled tomorrow. Will take some to my DM to read and recycle the rest.
Byatt and Sagaris - I know what you mean about 5 or 15 minutes at a time. It`s just too much to tackle all at once.
GQ - thanks. I feel bad that my DH is upset about the mess too. He is trying to help sort things but it always gets back to the hoarding.
DD - is happy for us to sort her things out. She`s busy with a newborn daughter and 3 year old son at the moment. She has already spoken to my sister about a large bathroom cabinet that is in our garage. She will take that off our hands.
DS - has thrown some of his clutter out and I have emptied a couple of bags of t shirts which were on the floor and put them away.
There is a pushchair/car seat combo in the garage which were my grandson`s. DD said that these can be cleaned and taken to the CS. His buggy is currently sitting at the side of my desk. She said that she`s going to clean it up and sell it. The proceeds can then be used to buy something for her DD.
We don`t normally store other peoples things in our garage but SIL has sold her house and needed somewhere to store sofas until her DD gets somewhere to live. Just hope she finds somewhere soon.

imataloss

Molly41 wrote: »

I have been a long time lurker on this thread. I have come to the realisation that my hoarding has many reasons.

I think it started with my parents who are prolific hoarders whose behaviours were formed by a war-time childhood. I have similar issues in that I hoard food - tins in particular and my dining room has started to replicate my mothers.

It irked me today as it is my DS2's 18th birthday and we had a family meal. That room needs sorting soon and certainly before Christmas. So that it my goal - Christmas dinner in a clutter-free and tidy dining room. But where to put all my crafting bits?

Maggie, I can empathise with the hoarding of food. I used to have cupboards full of tins/packets/
. I am trying to stop the urge to buy more until I use some of them.
I have lots of crafting bits too. I am overun with wool at the moment so I`m doing lots of knitting to use some of it up.
Also have cross stitch and fabrics stashed away in the bedroom. Would love a craft room.