Hoarding...not just on TV

lostinrates

IHateBinBags wrote: »

Don't know where to start with this really, so will probably end up like unintelligble ramble, but here goes. I am an habitual lurker of ths forum, for info and basically just being nosy in all honesty, but this thread has kicked me up the arris to register. I have been with OH now for six years, although we do not live together, for the first four years i never went to his place, always some excuse why not to, i seriously began to think he was married, with umpteen children racing around, anyhow he finally admitted he was too ashamed for me to visit because of the state of the place, crickey, what an understatement that was, not one inch of flooring was visible and "stuff" almost to the ceiling, well after two years of me nagging, pleading and telling him i'd help him sort things out three weekends ago he finally said i could. Well i've managed to clear the living room, bathroom and kitchen to some sort of order, but here's where i'm stuck, last weekend the local tip refused to take anything else off us because they believe he is a business, took his car reg and told him to expect a visit from some Town Hall jobsworth, he refuses to have a skip because he feels ashamed of the neighbours seeing what goes in, the next nearest tip is miles away so any thoughts about where to go with this now, i really need to keep momentum going, i dont want to have to bag things up in the bedrooms to go into the rooms i've cleared and cleaned or it will really feel like back to square one.

I would call the council, some one in refuse but in the council offices, and explain, perhaps even ask them to come and see, then they can arrange that his stuff is acceptable.

lostinrates

I have had an idea. Tomorrow i am going to take pics of the inside of my diningroom cabinets and you can all help me at least store it better, and see if in pictures its true that the junk is easier to see.

thriftwizard

IHateBinBags, is there any way that you can sort out some of the more decent stuff to be Freecycled or given to charity shops, to keep the momentum going? Could some of it perhaps be useful in the Third World, like my excess fabric? Old woodworking tools, etc. are very much sought-after out there, and there are other possibilities; for example my husband's uncle radio shed which the house clearance company refused to touch saying that not only was it worthless, it might even be dangerous, was eventually dismantled by a delighted amateur CB fan contacted through the local secondary school. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job, and that he is happy to have your help. And if the Town Hall do investigate, at least you should be able to use the tip again.

wannabe_sybil

IHateBinBags wrote: »

Don't know where to start with this really, so will probably end up like unintelligble ramble, but here goes. I am an habitual lurker of ths forum, for info and basically just being nosy in all honesty, but this thread has kicked me up the arris to register. I have been with OH now for six years, although we do not live together, for the first four years i never went to his place, always some excuse why not to, i seriously began to think he was married, with umpteen children racing around, anyhow he finally admitted he was too ashamed for me to visit because of the state of the place, crickey, what an understatement that was, not one inch of flooring was visible and "stuff" almost to the ceiling, well after two years of me nagging, pleading and telling him i'd help him sort things out three weekends ago he finally said i could. Well i've managed to clear the living room, bathroom and kitchen to some sort of order, but here's where i'm stuck, last weekend the local tip refused to take anything else off us because they believe he is a business, took his car reg and told him to expect a visit from some Town Hall jobsworth, he refuses to have a skip because he feels ashamed of the neighbours seeing what goes in, the next nearest tip is miles away so any thoughts about where to go with this now, i really need to keep momentum going, i dont want to have to bag things up in the bedrooms to go into the rooms i've cleared and cleaned or it will really feel like back to square one.

Can you do a speedy skip? That is confirmed with the skip company?

This is the plan - you do bag up the stuff, fill the rooms that you have previously cleared etc, get as much cleared as possible, then order the skip. It arrives, you tip everything in it, then the skip is taken immediately away.

Or could the skip go outside your house? The shame of a hoarder is crippling, but I suppose your neighbours know you and may grumble if is the skip takes up a parking space, but won't think anything of it.

(and some time this week/next week we are going halves with next door for a skip! I have nothing ready. I am so stressed)

wannabe_sybil

calicocat wrote: »

. ..........
Wannabe sybil.........you can reassure your OH that she is happy with my cat-flapping , she loves it in fact as she gets a load of free stuff . I put a couple of coats through a year ago , have put books through , food if I have made a batch of soup or biscuits. It wasn't until read someones post and then re-read what I had put that I thought......Mmmmmm could look a tad odd to the everyday person.
Another neighbour puts a punnet of strawberries on my door handle every other day.
Tell your OH he is safe , I only do it to people I know.;)

I am glad I haven't offended you.

whitewing

IHateBinbags,

I'm another that agrees that your OH should let the council come out, and then get a letter from them allowing you to use the recycling/tip as much as you need. It will really help other hoarders if there is a process in place for this kind of situation, and as others have stated, it will soon be a recognised disorder.

I catflapped some cotton wool balls today, and my daughter. Well, not actually through the cat flap, just out of my house and useful to someone else immediately! (I expect daughter to return, lol)

Possession

I cat flapped a pile of my daughter's books that she's too old for today - my neighbour has two little girls and she was out so left them on her porch (as she doesn't have a catflap!).

Byatt

IHBB, do you have pictures of the "before" that you can show someone in the council? If not start documenting now. Definititely talk to someone in the in the refuse department (look online for their direct number or of course ask the switchboard) and explain the situation. They should be more than aware and willing to help in view of the current tv programmes.

I haven't catflapped anything today, in fact I haven't got dressed at all.

IHateBinBags

Thanks for all your replies, i have already called the town hall, they told me that it's up to the disgression of their operatives, i did to my shame end the call by saying that no wonder people fly tipped with rules like that. He will have no one to his flat i am the first person to actually go in for ten years, he has loads of mates but sees them at the pub or theirs. The shame and hurt on his face cuts me to the core every time i go so try not to make a big deal of it. I have taken loads to charity shops, he had at least 12 sets of unopened dinner sets in the kitchen. The furniture will go there also when he's confident with people coming and going to collect. The thing that gets to me is he's ultra tidy when he's at mine. I've texted him that when he's out working tonight (he's a taxi driver) to be on the lookout for catflaps

Byatt

IHateBinBags wrote: »

Thanks for all your replies, i have already called the town hall, they told me that it's up to the disgression of their operatives, i did to my shame end the call by saying that no wonder people fly tipped with rules like that. He will have no one to his flat i am the first person to actually go in for ten years, he has loads of mates but sees them at the pub or theirs. The shame and hurt on his face cuts me to the core every time i go so try not to make a big deal of it. I have taken loads to charity shops, he had at least 12 sets of unopened dinner sets in the kitchen. The furniture will go there also when he's confident with people coming and going to collect. The thing that gets to me is he's ultra tidy when he's at mine. I've texted him that when he's out working tonight (he's a taxi driver) to be on the lookout for catflaps

IHBB, put it in writing, find out the name of the person in charge, call tomorrow to ask them, express your disappointment at their lack of support, and suggest that you may have to take it further. Ask who their operatives are employed by if you don't know, and just how much discretion are they allowed? After all you pay your taxes!

I always find writing trumps calling as when you put something in writing, they have to make sure they are giving you correct information...and people on the phone can (and do) say anything to get you to go away.

edit to add: GQ's post is the way to go...sound advice.