Hoarding...not just on TV

SpikyHedgehog

whitewing wrote: »

I have learnt that they will be 'do nothing' days when decluttering. This is sometimes because of external depression, or illness, or overload of emotion. Sometimes you just need a bit of time to adjust. Some times we don't have time due to other responsibilities. I also found instances where I was nearly getting compulsive with reviewing it. My DH point blank refused one day to go thro DS' wardrobe because he hadn't grown at all since the last time they did it.

Mine has now slowed because there is less stuff and the stuff that is here, mainly virtually every piece of paper associated with DS growing up as I got into scrapbooking but didn't get a clear enough space to do much of it. I have about 7 big boxes of stuff, plus bits scattered around as DH got to a point where he just put it out of sight, if he was tidying to 'visitor standard'. I kept boxes in roughly chronological order, always intending to catch up.

I was surprised the other day when I saw DH showing DD her albums (which are pretty much up to date). I was surprised because she is so young - toddler - but really enjoyed looking at them. DS is quite a bit older than her, and other than recent photos in frames, none of his younger stuff is accessible to her. I am really, really tempted to hire a storage space for a couple if weeks or a month, take DS' boxes over there, spread it out into piles, and then sort into seasonal categories like 'birthdays', school photos. I am confident that I would only be scrapbooking a small fraction of the stuff, but also confident that I would let go of the rest. My scrapbooking technique has developed over the years so I can be fairly quick and focussed. Hiring storage space for a finite time would mean that I could leave it part finished and take up from where I left off - something we don't have the opportunity to do in our open plan house. That is how I expect a storage facility to be, although I have never been to one in reality. Do they temperature control them or would one freeze to death in winter? Anyway I don't expect this to happen anytime soon so don't hold your breath, but I will keep turning it over in my mind. Again, I think it would help me create something positive out of some bad previous situations.

NB Filling up storage space and hoarding more stuff is not what this is about. It is about enjoying the stuff that you have, and making it accessible to share.

Also, I've found I need to feel physically & emotionally well to get rid of stuff sensibly - I either leave it all as it is, trying to keep on top of the housework but not getting rid of anything (like last week when I had bad news about work) or have to fight an urge to get rid of everything. My aunt has OCD, & for a while, 1 of her needs was a massive getting rid of stuff. Some (lots/most...) of it really not needing to be got rid off right then. I can see what triggered it, as she was by then living with her parents, my grandparents, who had lots of hidden clutter that she couldn't control.

Picklepot wrote: »

Just wanted to say a huge thank you to all on this forum. I have been trying to get my head around addressing my clutter and hoarding tendancies since my dad died 14 years ago. He was not a bad hoarder he confined it to his areas of the house ..the shed , garage, loft, his wardrobes and drawers.Therefore my mum, myself and sister were not affected badly by it. The sadness when he died was that his wardrobe was full of things that he was saving for 'best'. He never threw away anything unless he felt it had some use left in it. When my mum cleared his things there were clothes still with their shop labels on, gifts in their packaging and i always remeber the shirts still in their cellophane with the cardboard around the collar and the pins to hold it in position (yes pins! thats how long they had been there pins havent been used for a long time). At that point i tried to address my own clutter, read all sorts of books, tried any system but non addressed the difficulty of actually getting it off the premises and the feelings that go with it.Since that lightbulb moment the clutter issue has been constantly with me and the frustration of how i can manage it.
Although its really early days i am starting to look at my stuff in a different light thanks to you all, learning to see the items for what they are and trying to make a decision on that rather than the emotion and memory they evoke.
Am taking things slowly as i have lots to achieve but any momentum is better than the stagnant despair i have felt in the past.

Big thank to all . Congrats to all for your achievements so far .
My first step has to been to remove two bin bags of clothes to the CS last week.:j these have been churning round the house so long i cannot even put a time on it. I hope to be posting a lot more success' soon

Well done, Pickle pot, & there will be more :-)

GreyQueen wrote: »

Ooohh, how so many bits and pieces of different people's stories resonate. The hoarding OH for 40 years with the partner who'd like to declutter? That's my parents but t'other way around and pushing up on the Golden Wedding. Dad joked that when he retired he was going to hire a skip, park it under the bedroom window and pitch fork it all out.

I ruefully told him to get a big 'un and budget for plenty of trips. And it hasn't and won't happen and one day I will be executrix and de-muddler in chief........Already I've gently tried to get Mum to round up the bits of the 3 knitting machines and put them each with the correct machine. She's been about to get started on machine knitting again (but hasn't) since at least 1986.

Mum is a serial buyer of certain kinds of stuff esp stuff which could be useful e.g. kitchen kit. So, we often have several generations of certain types of equipment, each being replaced with a "better" version but the old cannot be discarded because that would be "wasteful". So, offer it to daughter (me) whose kitchen is 6 foot square and has to decline it and back it goes into the cupboard..............arrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhh!!

Truth to tell, she had got a little better at giving stuff to strangers via c.s. but attempts to get on her Freecycle group stalled with inital people asking for stuff and zero actually turning up to collect, which puts the giver in a bit of a spot. So she de-Free'd and found other methods of getting shot.

Today I have done a few chores and some allotmenteering (decluttered a few more slugs) and am now going to try to set myself a Task A Day to get thru those niggly little things which are taking time and causing other things to be uncomplete and out of kilter.

Today I mended a garment which was stalled between wearing and washing (OK, it was laying on the bedroom floor ) which took nearly an hour of finicky hand work but is done, dusted, laundered, maybe ironed by bedtime and on my back tomorrow.

Tomorrow I shall extract the last of the rawl plugs and polyfill the holes which means the polyfilla can come out of the bathroom to be out of the way for the plumber tomorrow........

:question: Do many of your have stuff underfoot because it needs something done to it before it can be put away? Or am I just a messy mare?

I know you don't drive, but when Errant Husband was still here, I would accept the boxes of junk from mum, check through them & get EH to take them straight to a cs. On the grounds that they (both my parents are hoarders) were at least getting rid of stuff from the house. I told them what I was doing with it, & it did help them start... The boxes of my grandparents random stuff, they check no-one wants anything & then get rid.

UFO... I had 3 pairs of DS2's old school trousers, waiting for me to cut the worst pair up to patch the other 2, just sitting in my bedroom. I got him some more pairs from the car boot, & managed to get rid if the first lot, but the newer ones are waiting for me to turn them up - will have to get done now, he's back to school wednesday.

Old vacuum cleaner went yesterday, just struggling to get motivated again, & feeling low from the work news.

GreyQueen

((((((((Val)))))))))

We all have those days and you're just having one of them. Take the time off and do something else until you get your mojo back. I go read a decluttering book (or a decluttering website these days) when I felt myself going off the boil.

As a fellow allotmenteer, I can very much empathise with the clutter problems they can cause. No end of things can be re-purposed from the home to the lottie and this was how I ended up not being able to get into the lottie shed earlier this summer. I've nixed that problem and still can't get over the surprise of finding it tidy whenever I open the door, but it's a constant struggle not to revert to my bad old ways (and it was my exclusive territory so I have no one to share the blame with).

I'm catching myself "just" chucking stuff on this surface in the shed or "just" saving some useful looking piece of packaging from the kitchen or "nearly" buying that tin or basket or box at the c.s. or bootsale which would be perfect in the shed for storing.............what. I don't know and I'm making efforts not to find out as I suspect that it would be dust and spiders.:o

I was cogitating a the weekend whilst weeding and wondering if the economic downturn will trigger more hoarding or make it harder for existing hoarders to declutter.

For example, you might have far too many sheets and towels now but hang on to them to let natural attrition take them off (even if that might be 20 years away) if you think you won't be in a position to replace them once they're worn out if you shed your excess now.

Or you might hang onto that spare and never-used Pyrex casserole dish ( or 3 of them)* kept to replace the one you use all the time, which will surely be broken one of these days, in case Pyrex is 5x as expensive in the future. Rinse and repeat for almost anything and you could have a perfect storm of anxiety-driven hoarding.

I also wonder if hoarding is hardwired into our species. Y'know, we have a sense of time, we know winter is coming and food will be scarce so gather it up and preserve it against the cold and the hunger, gotta survive, going to be scared and anxious if we don't have enough to see us through.

What do other people think?

* I did this. They are now at the c.s. since last year and I have one Pyrex and one enamel casserole and that's it.

blossomhill_2

GreyQueen wrote: »

I also wonder if hoarding is hardwired into our species. Y'know, we have a sense of time, we know winter is coming and food will be scarce so gather it up and preserve it against the cold and the hunger, gotta survive, going to be scared and anxious if we don't have enough to see us through.

What do other people think?

You're right about that bit (and the rest too!) as I have just got back from a very autumnal-feeling walking the dog with a pocketful of conkers and pine cones like some hunter-gatherer! Caught myselof looking round for somewhere to put the cones, said OMG and chucked them straight in the composter - will keep the mice happy!

PS - my pockets, not dog's!

VJsmum

valk_scot wrote: »

Second is my sewing stuff. I have a corner of the dining room where my main sewing machine (1934 Singer 201k treadle in a 1917 parlour cabinet, since you ask ) lives, my DD's handcrank and my 1959 Singer 320k semi-automatic.

Sounds like a collection of weopenry -
"watch out she's got singer semi automatic"
"not the 320K?"
"yep"
"we're doomed - I've only got a handcrank"

:rotfl::rotfl:

Well, it amused me anyway

I have realised that one of my problems is that I don't like to be wrong. I have always known this - problems being told off for e.g. but didn't think it extended to what I keep. For example clothing. I have a top bought from an M&S outlet which I don't really like and doesn't suit me. But it was a bargain. And I was wrong to get it. I also have a brand new cocktail dress in the cupboard that also doesn't suit me. Giving it away is proof I got it wrong. I don't like to own up to that.

The candles are still there but I am beginning to see how ridiculous it is to keep them.

GreyQueen

blossomhill wrote: »

You're right about that bit (and the rest too!) as I have just got back from a very autumnal-feeling walking the dog with a pocketful of conkers and pine cones like some hunter-gatherer! Caught myselof looking round for somewhere to put the cones, said OMG and chucked them straight in the composter - will keep the mice happy!

PS - my pockets, not dog's!

You can't eat conkers! I've come back with bagfuls of sweet chestnuts before. If you're tempted to try this at home, use them quickly as they tend to get critters in them. Real life is never QUITE like a foraging book/ programme, is it?:rotfl:

valk_scot

GreyQueen wrote: »

((((((((Val)))))))))

We all have those days and you're just having one of them. Take the time off and do something else until you get your mojo back. I go read a decluttering book (or a decluttering website these days) when I felt myself going off the boil.

As a fellow allotmenteer, I can very much empathise with the clutter problems they can cause. No end of things can be re-purposed from the home to the lottie and this was how I ended up not being able to get into the lottie shed earlier this summer. I've nixed that problem and still can't get over the surprise of finding it tidy whenever I open the door, but it's a constant struggle not to revert to my bad old ways (and it was my exclusive territory so I have no one to share the blame with).

I'm catching myself "just" chucking stuff on this surface in the shed or "just" saving some useful looking piece of packaging from the kitchen or "nearly" buying that tin or basket or box at the c.s. or bootsale which would be perfect in the shed for storing.............what. I don't know and I'm making efforts not to find out as I suspect that it would be dust and spiders.:o .

I am having the opposite problem atm...I've given in my notice re the allotment and will leave at the end of October. It's the back, I just can't cope with the lottie any more. Sad after 15 years on the same plot. I do have a modest garden though and I've found the wood store/hoard at the allotment very useful actually for building new veg beds in the garden. So one instance of useful hording, no? However I will have to be careful when it comes to emptying the shed because where's it all going to go? Utility room? Hah...I do have my DD's little playhouse shed in the garden that she no longer uses but it's half the size of the lottie shed. I will have to leave a lot of "useful" kit. I've made up my mind though, only new or nearly new stuff is coming home, not the ratty old nets I've been using for the last five years. I did find myself putting four "useful" Roses tins from the house decluttering into the playshed last week though.....:eek:

GreyQueen wrote: »

I was cogitating a the weekend whilst weeding and wondering if the economic downturn will trigger more hoarding or make it harder for existing hoarders to declutter..

Oh, definately! I'm having to keep away from the economic stockpiling and winter prep threads atm because they just want to make me want to run out and buy more stuff. (The SHTF thread is slightly different, I've got all the more survival type equipment already.) I am reminding myself though that organisation of all the prep stuff is just as important as squirrelling it and deRicharding is part of organisation, yes? As long as one has enough, one is prepped. One doesn't need x5 enoughs after all!

Thanks for the moral support. :A

valk_scot

VJsmum wrote: »

Sounds like a collection of weopenry -
"watch out she's got singer semi automatic"
"not the 320K?"
"yep"
"we're doomed - I've only got a handcrank"

:rotfl::rotfl:

Well, it amused me anyway

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

It does, doesn't it? But if you're into vintage sewing machines this is interesting stuff, trust me. And, btw, covetable. Not just any old sewing machines in this house you know!!!!

elona

VJsmum

Maybe if you change the messages you give yourself?

You would not say to anyone else that "they were wrong" to buy a certain dress, top or whatever just because their tastes had changed or they lost weight or the item was no longer suitable. So why beat yourself up?

GQ

I am telling myself that if I use something then it is not clutter - collection of teabags, tinned tomatoes (with garlic - do I get extra points?) DD goes to university in less than two weeks and still need to get her nice bedding, duvet, pillows, small fry pan, crockery etc. Instead of getting a set of 12 or 20 items we have decided to get two of everything, plate, side plate bowl and use what we have if she likes it and it is suitable.

Oldest dd got taken to A&E last night and was admitted for kidney tests so looks like the next few days will be a bit frantic. Thought they would just check for possible appendix problem and then send her home with anti sickness tablets so disconcerted when she was admitted and glad I had packed a bag for her in about two minutes flat.

Hug to all

SpikyHedgehog

valk_scot wrote: »

Anyone find their enthusiasm flags now and again? Last night I was raring to get on at the thought of a full week of time to declutter, this morning I got up, walked round the house and just felt depressed at the thought of how much more there was to do.

I mean, it's not that the house is at the stage of not being able to get into rooms except by crawling, or that I can only walk down a narrow passage in the middle. I'm not at the Richard stage, nowhere close in fact. Apart from three rooms (utility room, attic and the study) things don't live on the floor here and in the case of the kids rooms I had a major pre-reshuffle clear out of both of them during the summer holidays. A great deal has gone out between both that and my sudden realisation that the squirrelling had indeed got out of control.

And I'll say now as an aside that this lightbulb moment is entirely down to this thread and what people have been sharing about their thoughts and how they view their possessions. I always rather thought of myself as some sort of thrifty make-do-and-mend sort, always an eye for a bargain and great at finding ways to avoid buying new because I wasn't wasteful of what I threw out, I always had what I might need to hand. And I'm also crafty and a great home cook and preserver and gardener (there's a whole new potential hoarding area when you've got an allotment, belive me) therefore I need all this stuff....raw materials, tools and equipment, storage... But then as I read through the thread some of the things people said started to niggle. I started off thinking it was nothing to do with me, then I started to think that some comments sounded just like me, then there was this moment of ohmygodthisisme..... I'm definately the aspirational sort of horder, yup. Which was fine when I had a small hoard and lots of energy to do all of this stuff. Now I've got a hoard that will last me the rest of my life and beyond tbh.

And having realised all of this I think I'm fine about it, I do want to get rid of all the unnecessary things. I'll find it harder to stop the CS shopping because I really enjoy that (and in fact I've got a whole post about that to write one day) but I will, or at least reduce it to a reasonable level. But it's tiring doing this dehoarding thing, both physically and mentally. I do have a very big house (it looks like a breeze block, it's not some fancy Victorian villa or country farmhouse I may add but it is huge compared to the average suburban semi) and it has a lot of storage, all of which is full. Access to the road, car and bins is awkward and down a long flight of stairs and I can't carry stuff down stairs thanks to my spinal problem and bad balance, so I'm dependent on the OH to do this and he gets narked at being constantly nagged. No, he's not decluttering, he really doesn't care about the junk! And I can't just spend a morning of moving things around, it !!!!!!s up my back too much plus I've got other things to do. So it is going to take a long time and atm I'm at the stage that I feel I've been slaving away but there's not that much to show for it.

As I said, my enthusiasm is flagging.

You need some Scouts to get the stuff out of the house! Seriously, this is 1 of our fundraising plans for the scout group - I'll share it with you, so you can pass it on. DS1's explorer group lives at a scout group that have a yearly jumble sale including collection of stuff from peoples houses; we're planning a car boot sale where everything unsold goes to the dump or cs.

GreyQueen wrote: »

((((((((Val)))))))))

We all have those days and you're just having one of them. Take the time off and do something else until you get your mojo back. I go read a decluttering book (or a decluttering website these days) when I felt myself going off the boil.

As a fellow allotmenteer, I can very much empathise with the clutter problems they can cause. No end of things can be re-purposed from the home to the lottie and this was how I ended up not being able to get into the lottie shed earlier this summer. I've nixed that problem and still can't get over the surprise of finding it tidy whenever I open the door, but it's a constant struggle not to revert to my bad old ways (and it was my exclusive territory so I have no one to share the blame with).

I'm catching myself "just" chucking stuff on this surface in the shed or "just" saving some useful looking piece of packaging from the kitchen or "nearly" buying that tin or basket or box at the c.s. or bootsale which would be perfect in the shed for storing.............what. I don't know and I'm making efforts not to find out as I suspect that it would be dust and spiders.:o

I was cogitating a the weekend whilst weeding and wondering if the economic downturn will trigger more hoarding or make it harder for existing hoarders to declutter.

For example, you might have far too many sheets and towels now but hang on to them to let natural attrition take them off (even if that might be 20 years away) if you think you won't be in a position to replace them once they're worn out if you shed your excess now.

Or you might hang onto that spare and never-used Pyrex casserole dish ( or 3 of them)* kept to replace the one you use all the time, which will surely be broken one of these days, in case Pyrex is 5x as expensive in the future. Rinse and repeat for almost anything and you could have a perfect storm of anxiety-driven hoarding.

I also wonder if hoarding is hardwired into our species. Y'know, we have a sense of time, we know winter is coming and food will be scarce so gather it up and preserve it against the cold and the hunger, gotta survive, going to be scared and anxious if we don't have enough to see us through.

What do other people think?

* I did this. They are now at the c.s. since last year and I have one Pyrex and one enamel casserole and that's it.

Oh, that is definitely a trigger, if not the main cause, for my parents & for me. Having got rid of things, then not had the money to replace them later is a major catalyst... & it's the reason each of the 3 of us in my household has 6 flat flannelette sheets for the 3 different sized beds.

alec_eiffel

GreyQueen wrote: »

:question: Do many of your have stuff underfoot because it needs something done to it before it can be put away? Or am I just a messy mare?

I did. The amount of stuff I have broken and injuries I'd picked up over the years because something I thought I'd lost was on the floor is ridiculous. But I was used to walking on the second carpet and used to breaking things so in the end I couldn't use the stuff, couldn't find the stuff and couldn't chuck it away. Daft.