Hoarding...not just on TV

whitewing

Byatt,

My sister had surgery counselling a while back. It really helped her. (I didn't find out until afterwards but I had already commented to DH a number of times how much easier she was to get along with - I don't mean you would be difficult, only that the effect was noticeable).

I think you've done ever so well. I tend to find that the stress and straiin of those kind of appointments skews me into not feeling that they have been that helpful, but if I were evaluating them for someone else I would think they had gone really positively.

bobble, not the same kind of experience as you, so my comments may not be relevant. I drowned in baby stuff, especially clothes, we passed virtually all on. I kept some sentimental pieces (about 6). In fact they came to light yesterday and I have to say they were sweet but probably 4 I would now potentially pass on. We have the photos. I would keep only the stuff that is really decent/sentimental, if you can bear to handle them at this moment. Or sort through with DH. Or do as Jo says and bundle it up for another time. The only thing that I wouldn't do is pass it on without looking through it.

littlegreenparrot

Alice-Mary - don't get me started on the clothes. Many beautiful things that I can't get into any more, but I am always 6 months away from achieving it. I finally passed on 2 ball dresses a few months ago (had them more than 10 yrs, since Uni). On the basis that I didn't have any balls lined up, and even if I did by now I'd want a new one!

Unfinished craft projects - my dad started to make me a dolls house shortly after I was born. Mum finally made him give it to me (unfinished) when I was 9, before I got to old :rotfl:

I had a bit of a lightbulb moment last week. I was discussing change with someone at work. If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you always have. If you want something to change you have to make that happen.
Then I realised I don't actually do that. I expect the house to clear itself because I want it to, or to lose weight magically, without actively doing anything about it.

So well done to everybody for changing something, its scary and hard, but will be so lovely when you get there :T

Byatt

whitewing wrote: »

Byatt,

My sister had surgery counselling a while back. It really helped her. (I didn't find out until afterwards but I had already commented to DH a number of times how much easier she was to get along with - I don't mean you would be difficult, only that the effect was noticeable).

I think you've done ever so well. I tend to find that the stress and straiin of those kind of appointments skews me into not feeling that they have been that helpful, but if I were evaluating them for someone else I would think they had gone really positively.

bobble, not the same kind of experience as you, so my comments may not be relevant. I drowned in baby stuff, especially clothes, we passed virtually all on. I kept some sentimental pieces (about 6). In fact they came to light yesterday and I have to say they were sweet but probably 4 I would now potentially pass on. We have the photos. I would keep only the stuff that is really decent/sentimental, if you can bear to handle them at this moment. Or sort through with DH. Or do as Jo says and bundle it up for another time. The only thing that I wouldn't do is pass it on without looking through it.

Thanks Whitewing, and I agree about the feeling of not being helped. I always feel I'm wasting their time too, as if mental health was less important, when I know it isn't, but GP's are so time limited...I blurt things out and hope for the best. I'm of the generation that is intimidated by doctors.

I am also tired of lurching from drama to drama, I feel like the ball in the pin ball machines. :cool: I'm repeating patterns of my parents and it's really scary. Not intentionally but somehow I've ended up being where they were.

Anyway, I've put some rubbish out tonight, along with things for the compost. And one item I sold on fleabay is being picked up by Parcel Fo£ce tomorrow...:)

LGP, very wise words, "If you want something to change, you have to make it happen." :T

SJ, thanks.

D&D, well done! :T

Sorry if i've missed anyone, but :T because what ever you've done, it's something.

Jettycat

Byatt wrote: »

Jetty, I know you've listed now, but be careful you charge enough postage and watch out for the charges once sold by fleabay and PP. Sometimes it pays just to hand them over to the CS...

Thanks Byatt, I think I did ok for P&P - I roughly weighed everything and used the Royal Mail price calculator thingy to guess the cost. I think the sold charges are just a percentage of what they sell for aren't they? so just reduces what I get by a bit. If half the stuff goes for an ok price then I'll have done ok ... so fingers crossed.

Byatt wrote: »

Well as usual the doctor was running late, always seems to be the case when I see a doctor, so nerves were ratched up after 40 mins wait, on top of the 10 mins as i got there early.

Anyway, I cried, not hysterically, but little tears creeping from eyes. Kind of went how I expected although I guess deep down I hoped for magic wand solutions...I am being referred to the counselling they run at the surgery, which I hadn't heard of. I could have gone the CPN route immediately, but I think it's more likely I will be seen sooner by the surgery group although they may refer me to the crisis team. She looked at the pics, didn't say a lot.

So I will keep you all updated as things happen.

(((Byatt))), you are very brave, good luck with the counselling.


I would also like to report some more de-hoarding success today. Not for reducing my own hoard, but for preventing its increase. My MIL died a month ago and although my step-FIL is still alive I have been tasked with sorting her personal effects out and have spent the day going through her things. I threw out 2 bags of rubbish and one bag of stuff for recycling and only brought home DH's school reports , some envelopes (which I will use for sending letters, money, etc into school with DS and DD) and some perfume (which I will give to my mum as she uses the same one). Before this thread and your support I would probably have brought a couple of boxes of her papers home with me to keep, so thank you .
x

katep23

Byatt, that must have been really hard to face up to and make yourself do. Well done for taking photos as well.

I have had counselling via my surgery in the past and found it really useful, I think it is something everyone can benefit from.

Got quite a bit done at the weekend and the house looks mostly tidy for a change!

Then I went into the garden... but that's a whole other battle. On the plus side I de-cluttered about 40 snails to the ducks (TMI?!)

SpikyHedgehog

bobble_hat wrote: »

Hello all you lovely people, I've decided this thread is too huge to read all from the beginning (I'm up to page 28!), so I'm trying to catch up from Friday. Still massive.

Byatt - I hope you get on ok at the doctors, you will feel so much better once you've done it. It took me two attempts to go when I thought I was going crazy. 2 months down the line I'm on the right meds for an under-active thyroid and I'm feeling like my old self again-ish. Admitting you need help is a Huge step. :T

JoJo - Your kitchen looks lovely, you must be so pleased with yourself, a huge well done. :T :T

I stripped the beds this morning and managed to get it all out on the line, plus all the towels! I've fired up the new shredder and filled it (only once as I'm supposed to be working).

We went to IKEA at the weekend and I'm burdened with Aspiration now, so I've taken a walk around my lovely home and garden to remind myself how lucky we are to have acquired this beautiful plot and that it is good enough because we work full-time and have a lovely, happy daughter and family life and that is what counts. Besides, I've only got two beds to remake, I feel sorry for the IKEA staff who will have to straighten all the beds DD tried out whilst we were there, it was quite a lot and she was having so much fun and it did not seem to be frowned upon there (wouldn't let her do it in John Lewis ). She even tried on a pair of display shoes she found in one of the wardrobes .

I'm also crafty and I've started finishing those unfinished tasks. DD is 3 and I've been merrily cross-stitching (this weekend) the Winnie the Pooh Cross stitch I started for the nursery before she was born. Pooh, Piglet and Tigger are now complete, I just have the log they are balancing on to do and the back-stitching, and I have a new hobby lamp (IKEA £11) to enable me to stitch on into the evening, whilst keeping hubby company.

I'll be logging off work and MSE shortly to clean the bathroom, dust and vacuum through upstairs before picking DD up from nursery whilst walking the dog!

Forgot - Advice needed - I have several boxes of baby paraphernalia which I had lent to a friend and told her she could keep, well we fell out and she sent them all back (child had outgrown it all anyway). They arrived back just as I had completed a 2nd miscarriage. They are clutter but when I started to go through them to sort this weekend I got a bit emotional. DD is 3 now and no-one near me has a need of tiny baby clothes, but I think I'm going to struggle to let them go. We've stopped trying for a baby until I feel better or we decide definitely not to. So do I box everything back up for the loft or bag up as much as I can to sell on E-bay now, retaining one or two sentimental items. If I have everything retained just in case I'm not really moving on and I think we've reached a decision mentally, but I'm scared to make it physically/emotionally because I've been all over the place due to the miscarriages and the Thyroid problems.

Annoying thing is I'm happily sending clothes she is outgrowing now to CS and friends. Any advice would be gratefully received.

Have a great de-cluttering week everyone.

If you can sort through it now & keep the sentimental stuff boxed up & get rid of the stuff that's come back looking well worn/is easily replaceable/you never really liked that much anyway, I would. If not, put it all away for now. It took me 15 years to get rid of some things & accept that I'm not having a baby girl.

sjprmc01 wrote: »

Aah, Byatt, I hope the counselling helps!

Me, I've had a mix of good and bad days and I think I'm trying to do too much at once! I have work, where I'm trying to do OT as I have no money! A constant deluge of letters popping through the door re a tax credit overpayment (huge error) yet, as always, it it near on impossible to actually speak to them to sort it, ive resorted to writing to them!, I'm part of the school parent council and we have an argument on our hands with the council (won't go into any more detail) and since over the summer the leadership seems to have fallen apart I'm taking a rather more active role than I feel confident doing at times.

I've been trying (and failing) to diet and up my exercise and I just feel shattered

I just wish I had the 'perfect' house so I could keep on top of everything else but can't see that happening for yrs at the moment!

I did throw out 2 bags of teddies (well the girls picked a few back out) and 2prs kids shoes, a pr kids boots and a dress and leggings. And tidy away some of the other teddies that were lying around into one of those under bed type boxes that I have put on top of a wardrobe

There is still a long, long, long way to go though

Remember when Grey Queen & I were talking about how work makes it easier to hoard & harder to deal with the hoarding? Voluntary stuff counts as work too... If you have the time & emotional energy to be on the school parent council, that's great. If not, RUN! ;-) And then come & tell us so I get up the nerve to tell the boys' Scout Group I'm leaving it... I'm actually doing so much more now I'm only the chairperson instead of chair & secretary, I keep having these crazy thoughts of 'Oh, I can do this! I'll stay on as chair after Christmas after all' Eek! Really, I know I have to step back so I can spend the time I want to with my boys & on the house, & just do what I want to do with Scouts.

De richarded the last of the cake I brought home yesterday when a friend came round this afternoon, & the last of the curry for dinner... I'm struggling to feel back in control after the house seemed to explode in the frenzy of flea treatment. DS1's hamster is still on the kitchen table, so I can't use the sewing machine to fix fleeces into curtains, the boys are making games boards for a competition at games workshop, which means they've got stuff everywhere...

sjprmc01

Ah it's not as easy to leave as I'm involved in the sub group that has the fight with the council (it directly affects my youngest's class) and the position I've taken is only in the absence of anyone else (although in a way I'd like the responsibility). I've spent too many yrs sitting at home but as this is an immediate thing I will just have to let the diet and exercise take a bit of a back seat......not that I'd gotten into any kind of routine with that yet anyway!

I keep thinking it is going to be easier when youngest is in school all day (middle of sept)

And actually sometimes when I have other stuff going on in my life it's easier to chuck stuff coz I haven't got the time to spend pondering over whether I need it or not so in some odd way may make more progress.

I think, however that I've lost track of the GC this month already and I was looking forward to coming in under target, will try again next month when I have less going on

wannabe_sybil

Just logging in to say

Byatt - lots and lots and lots of hugs.

Bobble - vast quantities of hugs. You are entitled to mourn, along with all the churned up stuff that goes with it. Hope things work out for you.

Also, OH has decided that we are buying a particular waste bin. And we have decided we are going to redecorate the house to match. This is possibly not the right way around.

However it does mean that we have some sort of focus on redecorating, and we really need to. We have not redecorated since 1994 apart from little bear's room. This means clearing enough space to actually decorate, which will be a very significant challenge. Also we will need to pare things down a lot. I pointed out that we should allow ourselves at least eighteen months. I will be surprised if any of it is done in eighteen years, but any prod to get new wall coverings is good.

On 15 September we will be dericharding little bear's room. My sister in law has kindly agreed to have him over night. I actually asked her to have him for an afternoon. They will have a marvellous time. I have been discussing this with OH. We need to get a new bookcase and a new lamp. We need to get rid of books, toys, rubbish, an ottoman, blankets, excess bedding, a desk and possibly a storage unit. Little bear is likely to be cross about this. I am bracing.

So no actual dericharding today, but plenty of plans. I just need to try and get things so that the plans are possible.

hugs to all.

candygirl

omg put ch 4 on now!!!!very extreme:eek::eek::eek:I am a hoarder but !!!!!!:(

whitewing

candygirl wrote: »

omg put ch 4 on now!!!!very extreme:eek::eek::eek:I am a hoarder but !!!!!!:(

Yes, that is the very lovely Richard, from where the phrase 'de-richarding' was sparked.