Hoarding...not just on TV

alice-mary

Hi All! I began de-Richarding just over a week ago, recognising that although I claim I need all my STUFF in case I have company, it is the overload of everything that has stopped me actually inviting anybody in . I have NOT chosen to stick to one room at a time as I have in the past felt that I was failing when I didn't make much of a dent in the hoard. Instead, I have just glanced around whichever part of the house I was in and tackled what was in front of me. I HAVE made loads of progress but it would not be visible to anybody else, as like many others on here have said, it is the FINISHING OFF that is difficult. I WILL however succeed this time as I had a real wake up call last Tuesday evening....

One of the people I would love to invite round here is a gorgeous young male friend of mine but so far I haven't got round to it. However, on Tuesday evening, having stopped for the day with the boxes/bags/piles of SORTED carp in the middle of the lounge floor, waiting to be sent on their way on Wednesday (cs, recycle centre, tip etc), gorgeous man text me asking if he could pop round to use my printer :eek:. He needed to print off his boarding pass to fly home but has been dealing with an ill family member and didn't realise the internet cafes would all be closed. He was desperate as his flight was at 8am and he needed to check-in by 6:30. Of course I couldn't say NO, but I was so embarrassed...it forced me to look at the room in the same way that he or any guest would see it. OMG! I have promised myself that by the time he is back over here, the house WLL be sorted, so that I can invite him round to my lovely organised home

So, I have been doing a mixture of things all over the house... my kitchen cupboards are organised, a new shelf is up and the tupperware boxes (all with lids) are stored on it. I still need to scrub the floor but that is all that now needs doing in there:D. My bathroom has been treated to a new shower rail and curtain and all the old half empty bottles have been binned (difficult to do as I thought it was wasteful but as I hadn't used them in the last 3 years, I probably never would) and now looks shiny. My lounge still looks like a bomb site but things will either be put in their proper place or will be de-Richarded. Bedroom is good, just need to put clothes away when they are dry. We won't talk about the study yet .

I am really proud that today I took 4 bags of stuff to a cs. A bone china cup and plate depicting the town land marks (were both gifts that I have no inteest in), lots of dvds that I will not watch again, some more fluffy wool, some very chunky crockery, some board games and a wicker basket. The best bit however was the absolute delight the lady in charge showed when I asked if she knew anybody that might want a bag of crocheted granny squares. She actually rubbed her hands together and said ME! So, the bag of well over 100 squares that I have been meaning to stitch together to form a blanket for over 4 years, are now in the hands of somebody who will FINISH the task!:j

Am off to watch some of the Olympics now. Talk about inspiring, with their determination to do whatever is necessary to reach their goals!

Keep going everybody, I've been keeping up with all the posts since page 60 but am also slowly catching up with the earlier ones, now up to page 45! You are all so wonderful for sharing your stories!

Alice
xx

sjprmc01

Yet more stuff coming into the house...... And I don't think a thing has left!

It's so difficult when you are fighting against a family of people who want to buy and keep stuff! I keep thinking 1.5 weeks, though and they will be at work and school and I can get rid of some things they won't even notice going!

blossomhill_2

alice-mary wrote: »

One of the people I would love to invite round here is a gorgeous young male friend of mine but so far I haven't got round to it

Ahhh! That's the incentive I need! You had better do it before he is a gorgeous old man!

sjp - the people you are battling could be selfish - do you see them like that? They might seem generous in buying DDs things but actually they could be feeding their own needs (to be seen as generous, to feed their shopping-habit or whatever their motivation is). Or perhaps just thoughtless while seeming thoughful

I was so happy to have my DD but never got to choose/buy her a little baby dress - so many people turned up with ones they had chosen, which was saving me money, and I did appreciate it, but they had the pleasure of choosing and I just had to put her in what we'd been given (other people's taste). I only realised quite a while later that my real friends were the ones who gave us vouchers or money.
I vowed not to do the buying thing for my other friends. No-one bought her boring essentials like the vests and tights she needed, although I asked, they all bought the showy stuff

Repurposing
I'd like to tell you all about a little piece of repurposing I came across today - among my late Dad's belongings that I'd put away;
remember those black plastic film canisters? He had drilled a hole in the lid and screwed a pencil sharpener to it, to make a little canister to hold the shavings! Is it any wonder I am the way I am?:T

GreyQueen wrote: »

Hey, Thriftwizard, are you sure we're not related? I too have those unusual wedge-shaped feet with skinny heels that slip out of shoes and long toes. Inherited from Mum. Whose family left Dorset for Lunnon Town in the late Victorian period

Webbed toes? :rotfl:

wannabe_sybil

Blossomhill - I always give vests for little ones, for that reason. A newborn can't imo have too many vests, or sleep suits, and let mummy choose the fancy stuff.

sjprmc01 - you can't have a lightbulb moment for other people. All you can do is limit how much damage it does to you. Good luck! Little bear is refusing to part with duplicate books at the moment.

I took little bear to his martial arts summer camp, and there is a Salvation Army charity shop on the next corner. I think the Salvation Army is a charity really worthy of support. I am wondering what I can donate, as a lot of the easy stuff has gone. I will see what I can find tomorrow, as little bear's last day is Wednesday. Although if I have a day ticket anyway, I may just travel out there because I can. And the charity shop is HUGE.

Byatt - some hugs

and hugs to all

wannabe_sybil

Just spotted this in the Daily Mail. Apparently hoarders' brains react differently.

I don't know what that means for us, and those affected by it. I had a vomity night, and evil cat woke up little bear at 6.30 in order to be fed. I am exhausted. So I haven't processed the article properly and nothing but tired is happening here.

hugs to all

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

wannabe_sybil wrote: »

Just spotted this in the Daily Mail. Apparently hoarders' brains react differently.


hugs to all

Hope you feel better soon,

Glancing through it, I'd translate it as 'people in the US who had brain scans after discussing heaps of paper appear to care more about their own paperwork than other people's'. :cool:


The DSM 5 descriptors (which is what this is ultimately in aid of) are under a lot of criticism, partly on the basis of historically medicalising homosexuality (which therefore could and should be cured :cool:) and partly due to the ever increasing number of things it includes as diseases, which could then justify prescribing of pyschoactive drugs (which makes members of the American Psychiatric Association, the writers, further sources of income from insurers.

Over here, and in many places, we use the ICD-10, published by the World Health Organisation. Which doesn't make an income directly as a result of creating new categories.


In any case, I think it's very easy to say 'But I CAN'T help it! It's not my fault! It's genetic, it's an illness, you know, you mustn't be so mean to poor little me!' which continues a circle of helplessness and can be quite cynically used as a way of deflecting attention for negative behaviour.

I've heard Her declare 'ALL the TV programmes say she mustn't ever treat ME like this, it's the worst thing to do'. It reminds me of toddlers whose parents (or often grandparents) will not permit anybody to tell them No, and what those children grow into - the kid who will say 'my Mum says you can't tell me what to do', for example.


I do think the agonising and poring over every last single scrap and bit of stuff prolongs the distress for people - the thought of getting rid is more distressing, partly because it goes on and on and on and on, whereas to get on with it can actually be kinder in the long run.

It's like sitting around in A&E reception talking about how relocating a dislocated shoulder is going to be horrid and painful and it should only be done bit by bit, as it's horrid for the mean doctor to suggest putting it back straight away, eventually leaving it so long that it won't go back without extensive surgery. Personally, to continue that analogy, I got fed up of waiting around and finally managed to snap/pop/bang my own shoulder back into place _pale_ whilst they were still fannying around. All they had to do was provide strong painkillers and refer me for physio as a result.


My bunch of cats seem to spend their entire lives sleeping at the moment. And it sounds silly, but they are much happier with lots of spaces than with things everywhere - I think because they feel more stable. I guess they can see around them and know there isn't anything about to jump out and bite them.


******

[Thinks a bit]

You do all seem to suffer sickness quite frequently, don't you? Could there any particular things that could be contributing to that?

I remember Her complaining that she had cellulitis at one point and her fury at the GP had actually said he could prescribe a special wash to get the bacteria off her skin to stop it happening the next time the cat jumped on her lap and scratched her. She just didn't (or wouldn't) make the connection between not bathing, showering or washing anything more than face, hands and :whistle: with a damp flannel with bacteria left on her skin being introduced into the flesh by the cat.



If, for example, there is something introducing bacteria into the kitchen regularly - such as an evil cat jumping up on the countertop as soon as you're all up in bed, if the surface is cluttered, it's much more work to guarantee every pawprint from the litter tray has been obliterated. I know mine get up there as soon as my back's turned, even though they know they shouldn't - but it's very easy to zap the surfaces when they are already clear.


Another one could be toothbrushes, as if somebody's unwell, they could leave germs on the brush that continue to multiply long after the owner has recovered.


Just suggestions really, as it's horrible when you never seem to stop feeling ill for more than about a week at a time.

wannabe_sybil

Jojo - thank you for thinking of me. On Friday I go for tests for liver, kidney and thyroid function. My ankles are so swollen I can't get socks on.

I am wondering about dairy intolerance - that seems to have been making things worse. However, I tend not to think about things - :o:o:o like if I ignore health problems they will go away. So I don't monitor how often I am sick etc, except it has been a lot lately. And I couldn't tell you what I have been eating and when, and whether it affected me. :o:o:o

Up until relatively recently I have been almost paralysed with depression. When little bear was little I couldn't walk for more than a few hundred yards, but it never occurred to me to go to the doctor. They were muttering about ME at one point. However I refused to go to counselling. At the bottom line - I couldn't guarantee to physically get to a counsellor. When I was really bad with depression I couldn't physically get to a doctor.

So I am going to keep a diary of health problems. I just don't seem to have a yardstick of what is normal. I am also going to keep a food diary, which I am not keen on.

Apart from that, I'm doing okay And I am less depressed than I have been in a long time. So I am just keeping on keeping on. Not much de-richarding, but not so much in. New gas fire about to be ordered :eek: and the service includes taking away the old one! The current gas fire is about twenty years old, so a new one is bound to be more efficient.

As for the medicalisation of hoarding - it will be used by some like Her as an excuse, the same way as other things were used as an excuse. However if it pushes forward strategies for coping then that has to be a good thing. That is, a good thing for those who want to change their environment. The American programmes include counselling and after care.

Interestingly, I've heard (can't remember where, or how reliable the source) that with OCD one of the worst things you can do is work round and enable the sufferer's 'routines'. You don't get too comfortable with the rituals as they will just keep accumulating. Challenging people who hoard (and it is linked to loss, and lack of security, and all sorts of stuff and OCD) may be exactly the right thing to do. In your case, from a safe distance if you could be bothered. I wouldn't bother myself.

hugs to all

lostinrates

My theory is that a lot of ill people use the internet because it can become our social outlet or part of it when we are too ill/disabled to do any thing else.

To day has been my most awake day in the last few. I managed six hours awake yesterday I think. In cluding a trip to the hospital.

No dericharding at all here, though have had to point out to dh that buying stuff will not make me better, even if ots the super dooper hair stuff i have wanted for a while.

Oh, and regarding the bed...instead of the horrid ikea bed we were going to haul into our room, or the bed we have been trying to buy on ebay one of my parents has found their bed does not fit in their new house, so we have a new to us bed. Hurrah. I am hoping to be awake long enough to visit them tomorrow and take them a house warming card.

sjprmc01

Hope everyone is well?

Took a bit of a crazy tidying spree this morning and got rid of some old eyeshadows I'm never gonna use, a pair of shoes someone gave me, a spray deodarant that didnt spray, an armani perfume barely used that I was keeping for good and has now gone off. And sorted out half used tubs and pots of creams/toiletries so they can get used before others are opened oh also got OH to get rid of some of his toiletries he is never gonna use and I got rid of some bits of jewellery (tat). And a bunch of screws and nails and bits and bobs from a drawer in the kitchen.

Then went out for the day to town (Edinburgh festival street artists) then the beach! Nothing came into the house today! Yay!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

How are you feeling, LIR? Hope things are being dealt with properly for you.