Wedding ring worry

paddy's_mum

How much of the OP's worry is because she is wondering what other chunks of his past her fiance might be desperately hanging on to?

gandalf16

Why brand yourself as "Wife No.2" why not look at it as you are going to be his wife ??

I couldn't agree more with the posters who said that if he was divorced then it would be a different matter.

He was married before , the poor woman died , he has fallen in love with you and asked you to marry him after what must have been a very difficult time & you have said Yes because you obviously love him too.

This should not pose a problem at all.

Let him wear the ring & be thankful for what you have & get on with it

Mara69

McKneff wrote: »

The point of your post was................?

To point out how badly spelled that word was of course. It made me smile *rolls eyes*

You lot are far too sensitive.

Person_one

paddy's_mum wrote: »

How much of the OP's worry is because she is wondering what other chunks of his past her fiance might be desperately hanging on to?

Eh?

I have literally no idea what you mean by this.

I don't think the fact that he is unwilling to pretend his first wife never existed means he's 'desperately hanging on' to anything.

beautiful_ravens

walkerbev wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your replies i have put it into perspective now i think. He is a wonderful man and i am a very lucky woman to have him, he lost his wife nearly 20 years ago and still the ring remains, so i think that's where it should stay, thanks again.

:j Great news. 20 years...he must be a lovely guy.

Northern_Princess

My first husband died 15 years ago to cancer, I still wear his wedding ring on my right hand along with my engagement ring and eternity ring. I remarried 4 years ago and I did ask before we married if he objected to me wearing B's rings (which he didn't), if he had there would have been a HUGE issue!!

Before my darling B died we made a promise to each other that I would remarry (personally I could never imagine it back them) as I was so young and he didn't want me being alone with a very young child forever.

My rings symbolise a wonderful caring man who I love dearly, who wanted me to go on and live my life without him.

My wedding ring and engagement ring on my left hand symbolise how much I love and adore my second husband.

Likewise my husband wears his wife's wedding ring on his right hand and I would never dream of asking him to erase her memory either (she too died).

We both still have numerous pictures and both our wedding photos up of those wonderful people we married first time around as well.

Your fiance's deceased wife is not a threat to you at all, she is simply someone he loved that was taken too soon

jackomdj

Norther princess, what you said is lovely. Sounds like you have got the balance right in remembering the past alongside your future.

So glad you have thought about it OP and realised how important it is to him. Out of interest how old are you both?

Turtle

To be honest it would bother me. That's probably related to my own insecurities though as in this situation I'd be wondering if I matched up to the first wife.

Torry_Quine

My father in law was a second husband as his wife's first husband died. Occassionally she would call him by her deceased husband's name and it really didn't bother him at all. He said it showed that they had had a good life together and hoped that she could give him as good a life.

Northern_Princess

Turtle wrote: »

To be honest it would bother me. That's probably related to my own insecurities though as in this situation I'd be wondering if I matched up to the first wife.

There is no 'matching up' to be done though. Partners are different. I have never compared my first husband to my second and it's never crossed my mind my husband would compare me to his first wife as we are completely different people.

I have a friend who finds it "weird" that we have our wedding photos of our first husband/wife alongside ours. I don't find it odd at all as they died (both very young) and were a huge part of our pasts (and very much loved). I would hate to die and my husband to remarry someone who felt they had to "live up to" my memory.