Wedding ring worry

Hiddenidenity

My dad passed away 3 years ago and my mum is now with a new partner and getting married. She wears her wedding ring from my dad on the right hand now. TBF they where married for 26 years and had 2 children. Fact is if my dad hadnt have died they'd still be together, if he asked my mum not to wear my dads rings he would get alot of grief not just off her off me and my sister too.

Its awful you dont like him wearing iton his right hand. Its not like shes a threat to you or anything is it?

Hiddenidenity

FatVonD wrote: »

Are there any children he could gift the ring to?

So what if there is?
If he wanted to do that he would have done already not becuase his new wife is "gelous" of him wearing his dead wifes wedding ring!

celyn90

It isn't just a piece of jewellery to him, it's a memory. An important memory of someone he loved and lost, that he'd chosen to spend his life with, a soul mate, a friend who was taken from him. This what you are asking him to discard - something which is very important to him, a symbol of something that made him happy.

I can't understand why you would want him to remove it. I don't think that there is any way you can ask him to remove it without it sounding jealous.

You are going to be his second wife regardless of whether you like it or not, and in reality, had she still been alive you likely wouldn't have been. But she is not around any more and the only way she will be a threat to your relationship is if you hurt your partner by not understanding his wishes.

Don't build a future by destroying his past, it's part of who he is. If he is capable of such commitment and depth of feeling, you should be grateful he is choosing to share his life with you now.

Dunroamin

Your fiance's first marriage is a part of him and has gone towards making him the man you love and are going to marry. You need to come to terms with this rather than trying to re write the past.

heretolearn_2

I can understand why he wants to wear the ring. I can also understand why you feel the way you do about it. I don't think anyone is right or wrong in this situation.

I think you have to just find a way to get over it for now as a conversation about it could so easily go wrong. It's not like you want him to throw it out or forget about her, but I also think he needs to move on a bit more. It would make me wonder if really he'd rather have her here, even though she can't come back of course, it's like second wife, second best.

Does he still have her wedding ring? Could you suggest that it would be nice for the two rings to be kept together, maybe combined with a photo of the two of them on display somewhere. So not forgotten or hidden away, but not a constant reminder.

Just_Plain_Jane

Perhaps he could wear the ring on a neck chain after you are married?

pearl123

Mara69 wrote: »

That has to be the worst spelling of the word 'jealous' I have ever seen!

Does it really matter that someone has made a spelling mistake. There alot of people who have problems with spelling e.g dyslexics. You obvious understood what Hiddenidentity had written.
I'm a dyslexic and frequently make errors. Fortunately, most people don't comment on them.

itzmee

Just_Plain_Jane wrote: »

Perhaps he could wear the ring on a neck chain after you are married?

I think I would have more of a problem with this tbh than wearing the ring on his right hand. It would take on a different meaning, ie wearing it next to his heart, and could get in the way during 'intimate' moments!

walkerbev

Thanks everyone for your replies i have put it into perspective now i think. He is a wonderful man and i am a very lucky woman to have him, he lost his wife nearly 20 years ago and still the ring remains, so i think that's where it should stay, thanks again.

Just_Plain_Jane

itzmee wrote: »

I think I would have more of a problem with this tbh than wearing the ring on his right hand. It would take on a different meaning, ie wearing it next to his heart, and could get in the way during 'intimate' moments!

Each to their own I suppose. I know a couple of widows who wear their dead husbands' wedding ring on a chain. Works for them.