Wedding ring worry

walkerbev

Hello everyone i really enjoy reading this forum and wondered if anyone had an opinion on my situation. I have been with my fianc!e for a few years now and it bothers me that he still wears his late wife's ring on his right hand, i feel awful asking him to remove it when we are married but at the same time i don't want to feel like wife no 2, am i being silly or would anyone else feel this way. I just don't know how to approach the subject without coming across as petty, is it just a piece of jewellery that i shouldn't be bothered by?

*max*

Presumably when you get married, he will wear his wedding ring on his left hand? Him wearing his previous wedding ring on his right hand is simply a way of remembering his time with his late wife. I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. It isn't to spite you or hurt you in any way, but simply to honour his previous love. It won't put a slight on your wedding. Two different times, two different people.

walkerbev

Thanks for your reply Max i understand what you're saying but to my shame it still bugs me

MandM90

Honestly, I'd let him wear it. I think it's lovely he still honours his previous wife and it has no reflection on your relationship. If my wife died and I eventually was in a new relationship I'd feel a bit taken aback if I wasn't allowed to wear a ring on my right hand.

You never know, he may decide he is ready to take it off himself when you get married.

ognum

Let's think of this another way! You had a great loving relationship with your husband and you then sadly die.

Your husband finds another lovely partner after your death and decides to marry her but continues to honour your life and your partnership by wearing his wedding ring.

Would you not as the dead wife want him to continue to honour your relationship even though he has moved on.

be very careful about being so possessive, we all have pasts and being able to live with our partners pasts makes it easier in the future.

ItchyFeet

Well i don't appear to be as open minded as the previous posters - i'm afraid it would bother me. Perhaps try gently asking him and telling him how it makes you feel. If he isn't immediately understanding i would just leave the subject and hopefully he'll think about it again when he's on his own.

IMO that relationship is now over, albeit not through choice and of course you don't want him to forget his previous wife but she doesn't have to be part of your relationship.

withabix

But you ARE the 2nd wife!!

He didn't divorce her, he LOST her early.

If I was him, I would be the one with the 'issue'.

If I was in the same situation, I would EXPECT my partner to continue to wear the ring from her deceased husband.

The fact that he is marrying you would suggest that he thinks you are as good as she was.

mountainofdebt

If he still wore the ring on his left hand then yes it would bother me as well.

However, he doesn't - he wears it on his right. That in itself must have been a huge decision for him - as was the decision to ask you to marry him .....have you ever thought he may have considered himself being disloyal (however stupid that sounds?) to his first wife.

Have you ever thought that that he is slowly moving on and when you get married then that's when he will stop wearing it?

Look at it this way, she must have given him jewellery (cufflinks etc) during their courtship / marriage - do you feel the same about that as you do the wedding ring?

Errata

It sounds like it's not the wearing of the ring that's bothering you, but what the wearing symbolises. Once you can figure that out you may be more confident about being the second wife.

gunsandbanjos

If it was his ex wife I could understand, but it is his deceased wife.

She's not going to rock back up and be a threat to your relationship, I actually think its very sweet of him.

FatVonD

Are there any children he could gift the ring to?